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anyone have a SO with ED ?

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:52 PM
  • 15 Replies
1 mom liked this
Erectile Disfunction :(

My bf was in a bad accident and in a coma..(he's okay).. he now has it and I feel horrible...

Idk how to handle it and apparently I'm handling it wrong. I tell him IDC at all (its A LOT smaller then it used to be). He won't even try to do ANYTHING he's just to ashamed....I have needs though so I went and bought myself something nd I got him a "extender" to help him out... he hated what I got him and is pissed :\ I feel bad I only tried to help...

I went through a time when I wasn't horny at all idk y and he didn't care about me but at least I tried for him.. ugh idk what to do
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:54 PM
SO is dealing with it.

Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.

Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
ShiylahsMommy
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:57 PM
Does he atleast try things for you? Mine won't .. its normal with brain injury & SO won't ask about it either :\

Quoting happymommy1105: SO is dealing with it.



Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.



Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:02 PM
Nope. He went from great in bed to nothing.

In the last six weeks, we have had sex once.

Before all this, we did it daily. And always great foreplay.

Even this weekend, first time in six weeks, I thought I would get a little more foreplay a few more moments to really get into it. Nope.

I mean it was decent but not what I'm used to with him.

But during those six weeks, not so much as a single moment where I thought he was even remotely interested. It's taking a toll on my own self esteem, honestly


Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Does he atleast try things for you? Mine won't .. its normal with brain injury & SO won't ask about it either :\



Quoting happymommy1105: SO is dealing with it.





Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.





Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
ShiylahsMommy
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:05 PM
Same here omgosh :(

I feel like I'm honestly not good enough to make him even the slightest "in the mood". I feel its partially my fault.

Sorry you are dealing with this too... at least I'm not alone..

Quoting happymommy1105: Nope. He went from great in bed to nothing.



In the last six weeks, we have had sex once.



Before all this, we did it daily. And always great foreplay.



Even this weekend, first time in six weeks, I thought I would get a little more foreplay a few more moments to really get into it. Nope.



I mean it was decent but not what I'm used to with him.



But during those six weeks, not so much as a single moment where I thought he was even remotely interested. It's taking a toll on my own self esteem, honestly




Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Does he atleast try things for you? Mine won't .. its normal with brain injury & SO won't ask about it either :\





Quoting happymommy1105: SO is dealing with it.







Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.







Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:09 PM
He says it's his age, which is probably part of it.

We have been going through a really rough patch. I have told him I plan on leaving. But I keep trying to save it.

I really do love him but this past year, he hasn't been acting like the man I fell in love with and to an extent has been abusive towards me.

Point is....I'm not sure I can still attempt to save this relationship to pile this on top of all the other issues.


Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Same here omgosh :(



I feel like I'm honestly not good enough to make him even the slightest "in the mood". I feel its partially my fault.



Sorry you are dealing with this too... at least I'm not alone..



Quoting happymommy1105: Nope. He went from great in bed to nothing.





In the last six weeks, we have had sex once.





Before all this, we did it daily. And always great foreplay.





Even this weekend, first time in six weeks, I thought I would get a little more foreplay a few more moments to really get into it. Nope.





I mean it was decent but not what I'm used to with him.





But during those six weeks, not so much as a single moment where I thought he was even remotely interested. It's taking a toll on my own self esteem, honestly






Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Does he atleast try things for you? Mine won't .. its normal with brain injury & SO won't ask about it either :\







Quoting happymommy1105: SO is dealing with it.









Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.









Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
ShiylahsMommy
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:11 PM
Ohh noo!! I'm so sorry

I really hope you two can work things out :(

Lots of hugs

Quoting happymommy1105: He says it's his age, which is probably part of it.



We have been going through a really rough patch. I have told him I plan on leaving. But I keep trying to save it.



I really do love him but this past year, he hasn't been acting like the man I fell in love with and to an extent has been abusive towards me.



Point is....I'm not sure I can still attempt to save this relationship to pile this on top of all the other issues.




Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Same here omgosh :(





I feel like I'm honestly not good enough to make him even the slightest "in the mood". I feel its partially my fault.





Sorry you are dealing with this too... at least I'm not alone..





Quoting happymommy1105: Nope. He went from great in bed to nothing.







In the last six weeks, we have had sex once.







Before all this, we did it daily. And always great foreplay.







Even this weekend, first time in six weeks, I thought I would get a little more foreplay a few more moments to really get into it. Nope.







I mean it was decent but not what I'm used to with him.







But during those six weeks, not so much as a single moment where I thought he was even remotely interested. It's taking a toll on my own self esteem, honestly








Quoting ShiylahsMommy: Does he atleast try things for you? Mine won't .. its normal with brain injury & SO won't ask about it either :\









Quoting happymommy1105: SO is dealing with it.











Before he told me what was going on, I was super bitch about it.











Now, I just keep encouraging him to go to the doctor.it hasn't worked yet
_Meg_
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:13 PM

He should see a doctor, first off. That, I feel, is a very important first step. Because he was in a bad accident and in a coma, his brain chemicals and hormone levels may have been altered or may be off. Meds can help, or perhaps a more natural route. Maybe even physical and mental/emotional therapy. How long ago was his accident? Did he have any damage of ANY sort to his brain, thyroid, adrenal, pituitary, hormones, etc? Also, is he currently taking any meds or supplements or herbs? 


ShiylahsMommy
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:26 PM
He's definitley going to ask at his next app. It was a little over a month ago (its amazing how well he is doing) he had and has bruising on his brain. He isn't taking any meds at all. They didn't mention anything about anything other then his brain and when the dr said about the area he didn't mention about hormones or anything. Its towards the frontish\side of his head.....

What's the natural route

Quoting _Meg_:

He should see a doctor, first off. That, I feel, is a very important first step. Because he was in a bad accident and in a coma, his brain chemicals and hormone levels may have been altered or may be off. Meds can help, or perhaps a more natural route. Maybe even physical and mental/emotional therapy. How long ago was his accident? Did he have any damage of ANY sort to his brain, thyroid, adrenal, pituitary, hormones, etc? Also, is he currently taking any meds or supplements or herbs? 


ShiylahsMommy
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 9:29 PM
I agree he may also need therapy... he felt he was malested by these two "gay" guys when he came out of it... he's like maybe that's a reason why I can't get it up....he's stressed and all I feel horrible I wish I could help him

Quoting _Meg_:

He should see a doctor, first off. That, I feel, is a very important first step. Because he was in a bad accident and in a coma, his brain chemicals and hormone levels may have been altered or may be off. Meds can help, or perhaps a more natural route. Maybe even physical and mental/emotional therapy. How long ago was his accident? Did he have any damage of ANY sort to his brain, thyroid, adrenal, pituitary, hormones, etc? Also, is he currently taking any meds or supplements or herbs? 


_Meg_
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm totally surprised they didn't give him more info on his injuries and what to expect. Especially with a brain injury! How long was he in a coma?

The accident and coma were so recent...I really think you should let up and give him more time to heal physically and mentally/emotionally from it. It takes the brain longer than a month or two to heal from trauma like this. Just try to help him relax. Focus on HIM, not on sex. Put your own needs aside for a little bit...it's only been a month or two and you're already behaving as if you've been dealing with this for MUCH longer...which, I think maybe you're confused and even feeling worried and that's causing you to panic a little and think you NEED to have sex or make him horny, etc. Really, just chill for a bit. When he gets home from work, be attentive to him...ask how his day was, bring him something to drink, massage his neck or back (without it leading to sex...remember, you're just trying to focus on him and not sex, trying to get him to relax and not stress out over his ED and whatnot). Encourage him to see a doctor and let him know that you support him and are there for him. 

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