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My 16 year old daughter told me she lost her virginity to her 18 year old boyfriend two weeks ago. I'm not thrilled obviously but she insists she's going to do it whether I like it or not. She's on the pill and he says he always carries condoms.
Last week I got a call from the school that they were caught naked in the back seat of his car parked in a remote lot. They are in huge trouble with the school over it. Then last night, she was late getting home and I found them parked behind a church.
Here's my question. They are obviously going to have sex but they have no safe place to do it. Should I let them do it in her room? I don't want to give them permission but I don't want them having to register as sex offenders if they get caught in a public area. Help!!
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 3:10 PM
Replies (61-70):
cntrdmom
by Member on Feb. 2, 2014 at 5:49 AM
4 moms liked this
I disagree with your last sentence here. Let me tell you why.

I'm at work. I'm human. You know what I sometimes get a little aroused. Well it's a basic biological drive right? Why don't I just go screw my coworker? People are going to have sex. Oh wait. I'm married. So I can control myself until the right time with the right person huh? Isn't that what I should do despite "biological drive?"

A man and wife have an almost sexless marriage because she has pain with intercourse. Is it ok for him to force her to have sex with him? It's a biological drive. He wants sex because it's natural. Therefore he should have sex. Ok he shouldn't rape his wife. That's wrong and disgusting, but the neighbor would love to satisfy his biological need. Should he just go get that taken care of at her place? No. He should exercise some control and work through this with his wife. I don't care what biology says he should be capable of keeping it in his pants.

We are capable of self control. You don't want them having sex don't allow it. I will never adopt the "they'll just do it anyway" ideology because over I dead body they will. That's why. If my child has to be up my ass every waking hour them so be it. No extra curricular activities. I am waiting as soon as school lets out and you will be in my vehicle or you will be hating life. I'll take their door, their furniture everything I have to. If it's whats best for them.

Now if you truly don't mind her having sex at 16 then hey, buy her a deadbolt and tell her to go for it. However, if you think your 16 year old baby girl isn't ready for sex (by her behavior she's not) then by all means do everything in your power to stop her and require her to have some damned self control.

Quoting Bisciutsmom40: It wasn't during school. She's in a play and they practice late into the evening. She was already grounded and he drove to the school and she left play rehearsal to see him. He is a senior at the same school.

I definitely don't want to give them permission but I guess see sex differently. It's a basic biological drive and if they're going to do it regardless of what anybody says, I don't want it to ruin their lives.



Quoting kadensmomma0708:

Im not really sure how to respond to this.....Do you want them having sex in your house?  Do you have other kids? I know that would bother me, because it would be giving her permission.  DOes she know she can be a offender for it?  I just feel like if you are adult enough to have sex, you are adult enough to handle all the responsibilites that comes with it, like finding a place....that isnt a school parking lot.  Why wasnt she in school?  Does he go to school there, or has he graduated?  I would be pissed she left school to have sex, and got caught.   Your problem is you are too worried about being her friend, I would have had words with her and her boyfriend for gettin caught fuckin in the school parking lot.....Sigh. Best of luck though.

Mzaza
by on Feb. 2, 2014 at 5:56 AM
I forgot to mention that I grew up in a religious family where the word "sex" was such taboo that even saying the word boy made me feel uncomfortable. Obviously since it was such a taboo subject, I started to become curious at a very young age - maybe 8 when I discovered my fathers porn collection that I would wake up in the middle of the night and put on the VCR... Yes at 8 years old. I lost my virginity at 12 years old... Then all hell broke loose with my teenage years. I started to have boys come over to my house. I would be upstairs in my bedroom having sex with my boyfriends with the door open and my parents in the next room. I guess they thought since the door was open we were studying... Ya right... I was never allowed to close the door but that didn't stop me. And again, since sex was so taboo, it was never discussed. I went to catholic school so I wore a kilt - lets say there was always easy access so If my parents ever called me downstairs quickly, there was never that time elapsed that went by where they would have time to think I was getting my clothes back on. Just hop off and go. I even paid attention to the lighting in my bedroom, so the shadow play on the walls wouldn't suggest anything. I felt like I had covered all my tracks in having a successful sexual relationship in my strict catholic home - with the bedroom door open starting at 14 years old. Unprotected. I timed my cycles. Only became pregnant at 19 which was quite a miracle I didn't have earlier. I am 31 now and looking back, I wish my parents were more open. I have my 12 year old son that I am starting to work on so he doesn't turn out like me. Its really all about education. I felt as if I had that relationship with my parents, maybe I wouldn't have fount the cure to my curiosity from older boys who were more than willing to give me a lesson or two - in their own way. I hope this info makes you realize that Its so important to talk to your kids. Or make sure a reliable source is doing it and you are aware. Good luck.

Quoting Mzaza: Don't listen to this insensitive bull crap. Obviously this individual didn't have a sex drive growing up, which would allude to the fact that she wouldn't understand 'when theres a will theres a way' Don't underestimate the power of teenage hormones when not kept in check. Kids will always find a way. Guaranteed. No matter what you do. They will lie to you when they are scared of the consequences of their actions. Your responsibility is to educate them on consequences and prevention. Take her to a sexual health clinic on a regular basis. There must be clinics and workshops around you you can look up. The more you make it taboo, the more she will try to bend the rules. You have to equip her with tools knowing that she is going to do it anyway. Maybe in this self discovery period, she may find that the 'tools' you have equipped her with may just be her best defence in making more responsible decisions. It always helps if you have your own story to tell and if you don't - make it up about a friend you know. You need to be a friend per se to accomplish this approach. You just need to be trusted, and respected.







Quoting momofcourse:

This is the stupidest post I have seen.  Don't want your 16 year old to have sex?  Don't give her the freedom to do it.  Aren't you the parent here?  Who cares if she hates you for it now, set boundaries and don't let her out of the house if you have to.  If they are caught somewhere like school, let them suffer the consequences from that and then pile more on yourself.  Damn, no wonder we have so many teen pregnancies.

bpaqjax
by on Feb. 2, 2014 at 6:31 AM

if they are in the play together i would threaten to stop letting her be in the play if she does it again.  and i'd warn her about being registered as a sex offender if she gets caught again.  have they been together for very long? i mean if it's a healthy relationship maybe it isn't all bad.  many teenagers have sex and it does sound like she's being responsible about it.  it could be worse.  she could not be on birth control and not use condoms.  i would let her know i disapprove, but make sure they use the condoms every time if they have to have sex.  i'd take away her cell phone and ability to use the internet because i know how hard it can be for some parents to actually ground their children, many just leave anyway.

Msmuller525
by on Feb. 2, 2014 at 7:17 AM
Omg you're my kinda mom! Love your response!

Quoting korra2013: I would have smacked her damn teeth out of her mouth. There is no way in hell i would allow my underage child to have sex in my home. If she is doing it at school then you need to change her schools. Do whatever it takes. If she insists then i would tell her either marry his ass and get out of my house or its boot camp.
momofcourse
by Member on Feb. 2, 2014 at 8:47 AM
1 mom liked this

really, keeping a check on your kids so they are not doing something you don't want them to do is insensitive now?  Wow, way to be a friend rather than a parent.  Where there is a will there is a way maybe but if there is absolutely NO way then she will not be able to do it.  No going anywhere but school, and if this ever happens at school again go to school with her and embarass her ass.  A little embarassment is not going to kill her, but it might keep her from becoming pregnant or being immoral.  You don't have to give in to your rules to make your kids happy.  That is not your job.  Your job is to make rules and enforce them.  

Quoting Mzaza: Don't listen to this insensitive bull crap. Obviously this individual didn't have a sex drive growing up, which would allude to the fact that she wouldn't understand 'when theres a will theres a way' Don't underestimate the power of teenage hormones when not kept in check. Kids will always find a way. Guaranteed. No matter what you do. They will lie to you when they are scared of the consequences of their actions. Your responsibility is to educate them on consequences and prevention. Take her to a sexual health clinic on a regular basis. There must be clinics and workshops around you you can look up. The more you make it taboo, the more she will try to bend the rules. You have to equip her with tools knowing that she is going to do it anyway. Maybe in this self discovery period, she may find that the 'tools' you have equipped her with may just be her best defence in making more responsible decisions. It always helps if you have your own story to tell and if you don't - make it up about a friend you know. You need to be a friend per se to accomplish this approach. You just need to be trusted, and respected.



Quoting momofcourse:

This is the stupidest post I have seen.  Don't want your 16 year old to have sex?  Don't give her the freedom to do it.  Aren't you the parent here?  Who cares if she hates you for it now, set boundaries and don't let her out of the house if you have to.  If they are caught somewhere like school, let them suffer the consequences from that and then pile more on yourself.  Damn, no wonder we have so many teen pregnancies.


momofcourse
by Member on Feb. 2, 2014 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Your parents were obviously not very strict about things like that if you were even allowed boys in your house, much less your room.  Don't blame your parents for you turning out to be a slut. 

Quoting Mzaza: I forgot to mention that I grew up in a religious family where the word "sex" was such taboo that even saying the word boy made me feel uncomfortable. Obviously since it was such a taboo subject, I started to become curious at a very young age - maybe 8 when I discovered my fathers porn collection that I would wake up in the middle of the night and put on the VCR... Yes at 8 years old. I lost my virginity at 12 years old... Then all hell broke loose with my teenage years. I started to have boys come over to my house. I would be upstairs in my bedroom having sex with my boyfriends with the door open and my parents in the next room. I guess they thought since the door was open we were studying... Ya right... I was never allowed to close the door but that didn't stop me. And again, since sex was so taboo, it was never discussed. I went to catholic school so I wore a kilt - lets say there was always easy access so If my parents ever called me downstairs quickly, there was never that time elapsed that went by where they would have time to think I was getting my clothes back on. Just hop off and go. I even paid attention to the lighting in my bedroom, so the shadow play on the walls wouldn't suggest anything. I felt like I had covered all my tracks in having a successful sexual relationship in my strict catholic home - with the bedroom door open starting at 14 years old. Unprotected. I timed my cycles. Only became pregnant at 19 which was quite a miracle I didn't have earlier. I am 31 now and looking back, I wish my parents were more open. I have my 12 year old son that I am starting to work on so he doesn't turn out like me. Its really all about education. I felt as if I had that relationship with my parents, maybe I wouldn't have fount the cure to my curiosity from older boys who were more than willing to give me a lesson or two - in their own way. I hope this info makes you realize that Its so important to talk to your kids. Or make sure a reliable source is doing it and you are aware. Good luck.

Quoting Mzaza: Don't listen to this insensitive bull crap. Obviously this individual didn't have a sex drive growing up, which would allude to the fact that she wouldn't understand 'when theres a will theres a way' Don't underestimate the power of teenage hormones when not kept in check. Kids will always find a way. Guaranteed. No matter what you do. They will lie to you when they are scared of the consequences of their actions. Your responsibility is to educate them on consequences and prevention. Take her to a sexual health clinic on a regular basis. There must be clinics and workshops around you you can look up. The more you make it taboo, the more she will try to bend the rules. You have to equip her with tools knowing that she is going to do it anyway. Maybe in this self discovery period, she may find that the 'tools' you have equipped her with may just be her best defence in making more responsible decisions. It always helps if you have your own story to tell and if you don't - make it up about a friend you know. You need to be a friend per se to accomplish this approach. You just need to be trusted, and respected.







Quoting momofcourse:

This is the stupidest post I have seen.  Don't want your 16 year old to have sex?  Don't give her the freedom to do it.  Aren't you the parent here?  Who cares if she hates you for it now, set boundaries and don't let her out of the house if you have to.  If they are caught somewhere like school, let them suffer the consequences from that and then pile more on yourself.  Damn, no wonder we have so many teen pregnancies.


sandra_t00
by ChaChi on Feb. 2, 2014 at 8:59 AM
1 mom liked this
you are the problem with today's young society. teens getting too much freedom, and.not enough parenting
3xangel
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2014 at 9:05 AM
I agree. I'm a sahm, so I would pull her out of high school and homeschool her arse since she'd rather have sex at school than learn. You're the parent, act like it!

Quoting momofcourse:

This is the stupidest post I have seen.  Don't want your 16 year old to have sex?  Don't give her the freedom to do it.  Aren't you the parent here?  Who cares if she hates you for it now, set boundaries and don't let her out of the house if you have to.  If they are caught somewhere like school, let them suffer the consequences from that and then pile more on yourself.  Damn, no wonder we have so many teen pregnancies.

bwmeadow
by on Feb. 2, 2014 at 9:23 AM
I read all the posts, but it seems like the focus is on the physical & the emotional needs aren't being addressed. I want to know WHY she is so desperate to be sexually active. It sounds like.she is.in a reltionship.& not just sleeping around--which is good. But she is young & may she really needs love & affection that she's confusing with sex? I'm assuming she is adopted. How long have you had her? Is your family obviosly loving & affectionate? I have teen foster sons, one of whom.we are going to adopt. We have had 2 boys for a while. J (15 1/2) or 1 1/2 yrs & B (14 1/4) almost 2 yrs.Both boys are surprising eager for affection from both myself & my husbandd. The want to be told they are loved & they want hugs al the time. Even the boys who have come & gone wanted hugs a lot. We need to stop thinking that teenagers are.too big for shows of tenderness. My 6 older children (ages 34-25) of which 2 are adopted, regularly hug us & each other. Maybe if we fill THAT human urge we can help them not feel.so.desperate to find it elsewhere in inappropriate times, ages, & places. Have you tried filling her need for love at home? Don't stop, ®ardless of how she acts always let her know how it makes you feel, but that you love her anyways. Ten life is a full time test of our love & they want to push you to pro e it is real & permanent. God bless you in this trying time.
bwmeadow
by on Feb. 2, 2014 at 9:24 AM
Oops. I meant to say I HAVEN'T read all the posts.
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