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My 16 year old daughter told me she lost her virginity to her 18 year old boyfriend two weeks ago. I'm not thrilled obviously but she insists she's going to do it whether I like it or not. She's on the pill and he says he always carries condoms.
Last week I got a call from the school that they were caught naked in the back seat of his car parked in a remote lot. They are in huge trouble with the school over it. Then last night, she was late getting home and I found them parked behind a church.
Here's my question. They are obviously going to have sex but they have no safe place to do it. Should I let them do it in her room? I don't want to give them permission but I don't want them having to register as sex offenders if they get caught in a public area. Help!!
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 3:10 PM
Replies (81-84):
preemiemom45
by Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this
PS - I don't that ink you're a bad parent for considering it. I do think you would be a bad parent if you allowed it in your house but that just my (biased and conservative) opinion.

If she does get pregnant, how would you feel? If you allow it in your house do you feel you would be partially to blame for allowing it?
momofcourse
by Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 4:09 PM

Yes, my chidren will respect me and themselves.  I am their parent.  Parents deserve respect.  I guess you obviously don't belive that considering you did not respect yours.  And really?  You having sex at a young age in your parents home and other places make you more of a woman than me?  You are really out of touch with reality.  If you don't know that having sex in your parents home without their permission is disrespectful, I don't know what to tell you.  You obviously knew it was was to do.  I am not a tyrant, I am a parent which you obviously have no idea about being.  You want to be a friend.

Quoting Mzaza: Sorry for assuming - guess you just come off as extremely inexperienced. And just so you know I provided information about my life so that it can help the poster justify the importance of communication and education -not for you to knock it and convolute it. My negative experiences have shaped me into more of a woman than you can ever dream of becoming. It has nothing to do with respect. I wouldn't tell my kid not engage in these activities to respect ME....Are you stupid??? You should be teaching them they should be respecting THEMSELVES for something like this!!! If they did, this would all be a non issue and guess what?? Voila!!! You would have got the so-called 'respect' your tyranny lusts for. If your small brain actually digested the content of my story; my parents never even spoke about sex to me so how did I go against their wishes? How was I disrespecting them when they didn't communicate to me that they didn't want me to do it. My parents taught me NOTHING about it which brings me back to the root cause... Lack of communication and education... just shut up already - I feel sorry for your kids. How about you start a new post? Here, Ill help you with the name : Help! Please teach me how to parent!!!! Just copy and paste. Good luck with that.

Quoting momofcourse:

I don't just have toddlers but thanks for your assumption. Yes, it is about teaching right from wrong but it is is also about getting your kids to show respect to you and others and having sex in a parking lot or even your bedroom like you did is so disrespectful.  I am sure the OP has explained why the daughter does not need to be doing this.  You don't hold their hand especially at that age.  You give them consequences.  I am a piece of work?  I was not having sex in my bedroom with guys against my parents wishes like you were, I was taught respect.  I could keep it in my pants even with raging hormones.  And my children will be taught the same and there will be consequences if they do not follow rules and respect me.  

Quoting Mzaza: Thanks Tips... Describing the cqncequence of pain and 'punishment' to a two year old is a bit different here. The way you deal with a toddler is alot different than teenager so stick to your own genre. Parenting is soooooo not about needing to be strict and inflexible. Most of you are all confused. Its about teaching morals, values, reasons why/why not... Right ... Wrong... from the start. How you enforce your parenting is what makes you either a dictator or friend. I am a parent. I am neither a friend or dictator. I am more synonomous to teacher. I am a respected and trusted person in my children's life that will equip them with information and how to access it. Obviously I will dicipline if they do not adhere to set expectations only for their own good.. Not mine. I can also be harsh - but not without them understanding. Im sorry to the poster of this topic for having to go off to give this peice of work a lesson in parenting 101 - but you need to get your daughter help. Im sure you would hate for her not to come home one day because she ran away with this guy. If she is continuing to do this, its because she doesnt understand and you need to take her by the hand and even stay with her in sexual health clinic while she is educated. She may also have underlying psychological reasons why she is acting out like this. Get her evaluated.



Quoting momofcourse:

yeah, because I don't explain why the rules are in place while I enforce them *eyeroll*  You just want an excuse for your shitty actions as a teen and an excuse for why you are more of a friend than a parent I guess. I tell my kid, don't climb on the furniture because you could fall and get hurt and if they do it anyway, they get punished with the explanation that they are in time out because I told them not to climb on the furniture because I don't want them hurt, and they chose to climb on the furniture anyway so they are being punished.  So if climbing on the furniture is fun for them I should just say oh well, do it anyway and if you get hurt I will give you a hug.  NO, I say if you do it and break the rules you are punished.  But I guess to you that is bad parenting. 

Quoting Mzaza: "Doing something you don't want them to" Wow boys and girls....Intellect sure oozes from that response. Do you think that perhaps they need to understand 'why' rules are made up in the first place, not because you just 'don't want them' to do do something. Do the world a favour and not have kids. You are not a parent - you are a dictator. Kids deserve better reasoning. YOU brought them into this world. It is YOUR responsibility to set the record straight. If you feel you need to be a nazi, you don't know a thing about parenting. Good luck with that bud.





Quoting momofcourse:

Your parents were obviously not very strict about things like that if you were even allowed boys in your house, much less your room.  Don't blame your parents for you turning out to be a slut. 

Quoting Mzaza: I forgot to mention that I grew up in a religious family where the word "sex" was such taboo that even saying the word boy made me feel uncomfortable. Obviously since it was such a taboo subject, I started to become curious at a very young age - maybe 8 when I discovered my fathers porn collection that I would wake up in the middle of the night and put on the VCR... Yes at 8 years old. I lost my virginity at 12 years old... Then all hell broke loose with my teenage years. I started to have boys come over to my house. I would be upstairs in my bedroom having sex with my boyfriends with the door open and my parents in the next room. I guess they thought since the door was open we were studying... Ya right... I was never allowed to close the door but that didn't stop me. And again, since sex was so taboo, it was never discussed. I went to catholic school so I wore a kilt - lets say there was always easy access so If my parents ever called me downstairs quickly, there was never that time elapsed that went by where they would have time to think I was getting my clothes back on. Just hop off and go. I even paid attention to the lighting in my bedroom, so the shadow play on the walls wouldn't suggest anything. I felt like I had covered all my tracks in having a successful sexual relationship in my strict catholic home - with the bedroom door open starting at 14 years old. Unprotected. I timed my cycles. Only became pregnant at 19 which was quite a miracle I didn't have earlier. I am 31 now and looking back, I wish my parents were more open. I have my 12 year old son that I am starting to work on so he doesn't turn out like me. Its really all about education. I felt as if I had that relationship with my parents, maybe I wouldn't have fount the cure to my curiosity from older boys who were more than willing to give me a lesson or two - in their own way. I hope this info makes you realize that Its so important to talk to your kids. Or make sure a reliable source is doing it and you are aware. Good luck.







Quoting Mzaza: Don't listen to this insensitive bull crap. Obviously this individual didn't have a sex drive growing up, which would allude to the fact that she wouldn't understand 'when theres a will theres a way' Don't underestimate the power of teenage hormones when not kept in check. Kids will always find a way. Guaranteed. No matter what you do. They will lie to you when they are scared of the consequences of their actions. Your responsibility is to educate them on consequences and prevention. Take her to a sexual health clinic on a regular basis. There must be clinics and workshops around you you can look up. The more you make it taboo, the more she will try to bend the rules. You have to equip her with tools knowing that she is going to do it anyway. Maybe in this self discovery period, she may find that the 'tools' you have equipped her with may just be her best defence in making more responsible decisions. It always helps if you have your own story to tell and if you don't - make it up about a friend you know. You need to be a friend per se to accomplish this approach. You just need to be trusted, and respected.



















Quoting momofcourse:

This is the stupidest post I have seen.  Don't want your 16 year old to have sex?  Don't give her the freedom to do it.  Aren't you the parent here?  Who cares if she hates you for it now, set boundaries and don't let her out of the house if you have to.  If they are caught somewhere like school, let them suffer the consequences from that and then pile more on yourself.  Damn, no wonder we have so many teen pregnancies.





ShadowLark
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 5:05 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting susanparsons: When my daughter was 16 I came home unexpectedly and caught her in bed with her boyfriend. Both were bare assed naked and I was furious. First of all, they should have been at school. Nobody is having sex in my house but me! If your daughters new boyfriend is 18, then that's statutoryrape wwhether your daughter agrees or not. Sounds like she's beginning to make some bad decisions so you need to show her your still the mom so don't make it easy on them. I'm raising a 3 year old grandson and she doesn't give him the time of day.personally I'd call & report that 18 or old boy & show your daughter your not going to stand for it. Get ready for the fight of the century though from your daughter. Hand in there. Hope everything works out for you.

It is NOT statutory rape.  Sixteen is the age of consent and Romeo and Juliet laws mean that with a 2 year age difference, there are no charges to be brought.

And seriously?  Lets get the boy in trouble because the precious little girl can't POSSIBLY consent at the tender age of SIXTEEN?  She's old enough to get a job, she's old enough to drive a car.  If she can handle those responsibilities, then she can understand the consequences of consenting to sex!

Bisciutsmom40
by on Feb. 3, 2014 at 6:18 PM
I agree. I don't blame him for it.

Quoting ShadowLark:


Quoting susanparsons: When my daughter was 16 I came home unexpectedly and caught her in bed with her boyfriend. Both were bare assed naked and I was furious. First of all, they should have been at school. Nobody is having sex in my house but me! If your daughters new boyfriend is 18, then that's statutoryrape wwhether your daughter agrees or not. Sounds like she's beginning to make some bad decisions so you need to show her your still the mom so don't make it easy on them. I'm raising a 3 year old grandson and she doesn't give him the time of day.personally I'd call & report that 18 or old boy & show your daughter your not going to stand for it. Get ready for the fight of the century though from your daughter. Hand in there. Hope everything works out for you.

It is NOT statutory rape.  Sixteen is the age of consent and Romeo and Juliet laws mean that with a 2 year age difference, there are no charges to be brought.

And seriously?  Lets get the boy in trouble because the precious little girl can't POSSIBLY consent at the tender age of SIXTEEN?  She's old enough to get a job, she's old enough to drive a car.  If she can handle those responsibilities, then she can understand the consequences of consenting to sex!

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