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She is having some issues that.goes back to a very long story about her bio dad. She does not want to go into therapy. ( yes I asked her if she.wanted to ) anyways, she has a huge fear that any guy she gets close to is going to leave her because her bio dad comes and goes. She is wondering if any of you ladies have an idea that could help her get over that fear without seeing a therapist. Thanks in advance! :)
by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 6:40 PM
Replies (21-30):
ducabbage
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:20 AM
1 mom liked this
First off I want to say good for her to realize that it is something she has to deal with. Secondly, I'm going to advise that she do some personal soul searching and then find a counselor she can trust to see, even if it is only for one or two visits to make sure she is on track.

I experienced something when I was in Grammar school, and it effected my life severely. I always worried if I could trust guys. When I was dating my now husband, I shared with him what happened so he was aware of what I was dealing with. With his support I saw a psychiatrist few a few sessions and he helped me realize I had PTSD from the incident. I'm not saying your daughter has it, but I was able to get help to deal with it so I could make changes necessary and am happily married with my husband, whom I trust fully.

Also, I don't know your personally beliefs, but knowing that God would lead me to the best person for me, trusting in His timing, and being friends with my husband before hand really paid off. I wasn't hurt by someone who didn't respect me or what I was going through. I had full support from my partner and that is the most wonderful comforting feeling.

Sorry if I babbled, the kids kept interrupting on this a snow day so I lost my train of thought. Bottom line, soul search for exact issues, see someone just to make sure you are on track and don't need additional specialized help to get through, and know that the right man for you will understand and support you as you go through healing and even after. I wish you luck.
lanceandhailey
by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 8:29 AM
1 mom liked this

My bio dad left when I was 2. My mom remarried when I was almost 4 and he adopted me as his own. He left when I was 16. Biodad wanted to see me again at 18 was in and out and gone again in a couple years. Now dad (adopted) is back in and out of my life.

This doesn't mean a man will do the same, I've been with my husband of 12 years for 14 years. Not all men are the same, good ones are out there. Tell her to take her time to find one.

caritas1012
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

It is going to take a consistant good man in her life as an adult, who can love her and show her how a husband and father should be. It may take her a while to open up to a man like that.

elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Therapy would be a lot more helpful than just listening to us, but I can say this. My ex left me with 2 kids and one on the way. He never even came to visit except once when our son was 7. But I met and married a wonderful man, who raised not only my three kids, but a granddaughter and now a great granddaughter. So there are good men out there, just make sure you don't settle for less. Good luck!

Heisenberg
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:55 PM
1 mom liked this

It's not just about getting over a fear, it's about not attracting that type of person in to your life. Therapy, sorry. Save the heartache.

jessecutez2
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this
You cant force her to go. She will go, but she will not talk. That would not be productive. Anyway, tell her to start with being just friends. She needs to gain trust, that is the issue. She rightfully shouldn't trust everyone but she needs to listen to her instincts on this one.

Quoting ABCMomma0211: Shes 17, you force her ass to go. End f story.



But not all men are the same. She needs to fond a man who has had his dad there and taught him how to treat a woman
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ABCMomma0211
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:02 PM

eventually she will start talking.

Quoting jessecutez2: You cant force her to go. She will go, but she will not talk. That would not be productive. Anyway, tell her to start with being just friends. She needs to gain trust, that is the issue. She rightfully shouldn't trust everyone but she needs to listen to her instincts on this one.

Quoting ABCMomma0211: Shes 17, you force her ass to go. End f story.



But not all men are the same. She needs to fond a man who has had his dad there and taught him how to treat a woman


IamMex11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:03 PM

i love you bigmetalchicken

and yes,

this

Quoting Bigmetalchicken:

Honestly, that is something that she will have to work out for herself. That is why a therapist can be helpful. The therapist can kind of be a tour guide on how to best navigate these unresolved issues on your own. The therapist does not do the work for you, they just give you the tools to know how to do it on your own. Perhaps talk to her about a group therapy? You get the benefits of the therapist's knowledge, but without the one on one setting, it is much less daunting.


Justine1993
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this
They aren't her dad and she needs to realize that. Yes relationships end but what's meant to be will be. If a guy leaves her he wasn't the one. It will be tough and she will have a lot of trust issues Hell I have a ton of trust issues due to past relationships but she needs to work on getting over it
xtwistedxlovex
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 1:16 AM
1 mom liked this

Without therapy, I don't think anything short of a guy showing her day after day he isn't going to abandon her will get through. That is, she needs to take the risk in order to see whether it will be worthwhile. Some guys are going to leave. Some aren't. She won't know without putting herself out there. What she should work on is being happy with herself so that if her fears come to fruition, it won't be so devastating. If you make somebody else your world, of course it's going to come crashing down in their absence; her world should revolve around herself first and foremost and everyone else should be a 'bonus'.

All my therapist ever did was listen. She never said anything back to me. So I guess she could try keeping a journal (perhaps an anonymous public one such as OpenDiary if she wants feedback) to help her work through her thoughts.

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