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She is having some issues that.goes back to a very long story about her bio dad. She does not want to go into therapy. ( yes I asked her if she.wanted to ) anyways, she has a huge fear that any guy she gets close to is going to leave her because her bio dad comes and goes. She is wondering if any of you ladies have an idea that could help her get over that fear without seeing a therapist. Thanks in advance! :)
by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 6:40 PM
Replies (31-37):
Lisp714
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 1:35 AM
1 mom liked this
My bio dad isn't a part of my life either. I'm now 28 yrs old, I've finally came to the conclusion that he is who he is and I can not change him. He will not change for me, so why should I continue to ruin my life or future life with a man, because of my bio dad?!? He's the one who is loosing out on a relationship with you, yes it hurts to not have a father in your life. I still hurt, I'm still wondering about who'll walk me down the aisle when I get married?!? Yes, I'm a unwed mother of two. I've been with their dad for almost 12 yrs now, over 2 yrs engaged. I was pregnant at 18, not proud, but also don't regret it. I don't advise this either(: anyway .. ... I found one of the most amazing man when I was only 15 or 16 yrs old!! But even then, I wasn't sure, because I was scared to actually commit to someone. Especially a man. I nvr really learned what a man or dad is supposed to be like, when I was growing up. My dad and mom divorced when I was 9 months old. I've had two step-fathers and a long term bf (moms bf, of 12 yrs) in and out if my life growing up. It was a very confusing thing for me. I also had a lot of loss growing up. My best friend was my Sister Erin, she passed away when I was 14, just about to enter high school. She just graduated and was 18. After this I didn't want to love anyone ever again!! I pulled away from my entire family and many friends.
I guess what I'm getting at, is life happens, it's not always going to be easy or go the way it's supposed to. As you grow up, you'll learn that if you don't go with the flow, you're only holding yourself back from good things, good friends and a great life. I too am STILL hesitant to try therepy!! I've gone one to one session, about three of four different times. I just couldn't open up to someone and it's taken so much away from my life!!! Don't let someone like this (even your dad), ruin everything that you could possibly be, do or fall in love with(:
Good Luck to your future and to your journey!!!
Lisp714
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this
I can relate to everything you've said. My bio dad also left us hanging (waiting on the porch as if he might show up.) forgets my bday, holidays, ect ... Didn't pay child support for 4 kids until they finally started to take it out of his check (he works for FORD, as a transmission designer too! Ha!!) He was nvr a help to my mom when he was there any way. She was left to raise us four kids when I was 9 mths old (well actually younger, it was finalized when I was nine mths old. I nvr had him live in my household, so I don't know what it's like to have a dad at home. My mom married two more times after and they were both failed.
I learned to just let it be. We went to counseling when I was younger, but I barely remember it. I've made a few attempts to go on my own, but nvr got pass the first session.
It does suck, but I know now that it's not my fault, it's his loss!! I am with the best father that I could ever ask for for my two kids and I know that he will nvr do the things my dad has done. I'm just thankful for that now(:


Quoting goodnightmama: My real father left as well, he wasn't the best father either, rarely called, backed out on visitations, never paid child support, etc. I had the hardest problem with guys, I never let them get too close and always backed out rather quickly. I did actually get married when I was 19 but it has been rough. Sometimes I feel I rushed into it i pushed him away expecting him to leave, because that's what my dad did, why wouldn't my husband. He stuck by me but we fought a lot and I kept running but he kept following. Before we got married, I had asked him to show me what a real husband/man/father was suppose to be like. He tried his hardest and now 9 years later of marriage is am now finally starting to relax. Every person is different, and deals with hardship and things like this differently. If she doesn't want therapy, you need to let her find her own way, and let her come to you and be there for as she works it out.
ThePeculiar1
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:21 AM
1 mom liked this
First of all there isn't anything wrong with speaking to a counselor. They can teach her the appropriate ways to handle the situation be it coping methods or advice. It's suggestive and it's not someone calling her crazy.
Second of all Jesus is a wonderful counselor so if she doesn't prefer a professional prayer ifs free access to Christ anytime any place with no restrictions. I encourage her to get a relationship with Christ because he is the one who will give her closure about it.
Third..don't even look for a boyfriend look for a best friend. Best friends stick closer than brothers. Make sure you have a friend who is interested in praying with you who you can share your life with as well as them share your life with you. I can't see my life without 2 of my best friends in it. If romance comes along later it isn't going to fade because you actually have a friendship with that person.
Sweet heart. My dad left when I was 9 and we had a lot of on and off communication, but him not being there was really his loss. Sometimes God allows some things to be this way so that he can protect you. My dad lived a lifestyle that would have caused me to walk a totally different way had I been around him. I probably wouldn't have a relationship with God the way I should havE. So it really benefited me for him not to be there.
So love God, love yourself. As far as the boyfriend thing don't rush it. The older you get the more you will spend time making your circles more intimate anyway. So look for your true friends. I'm not looking to be with anyone in any relationship. And I'm not looking to marry unless it is to someone who us my best friend. They will holds me accountable be there for me when I need them and vise versa. They will never push my buttons, they will never criticize, they will love me through my struggles as well as my good times. Too many of us are getting into relationships where there is no intimacy, and that isn't cool.
alikhanlove
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:36 AM

hi


Ultra_
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:45 AM
No advice. I'm 27 and I still have Daddy issues. Yay.
FlutterbyMom3
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Just tell her to take her time in any relationship she gets in. There's no rush. Let her get to know them well before getting too serious with them. It will save her some heart ache. Most of us have had boyfriends that just weren't right for us, you just learn it wasn't the right one and move on.
notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Go see a therapist. Talk it through. Get the help you need. There is no shame in getting help... there is shame in refusing help though and letting your fear impact your life.

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