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Would you let your parent come live with you? *ETA*

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:43 AM
  • 146 Replies
Some back story, my mom and dad divorced when I was 17. My dad is horrible at holding down steady employment, though has had a job for the last 14 months. He is an electrician and for those who know or are married to electricians, you know they get laid off during winter months quite often. He was engaged for 7 years to a woman who suspported him while he went through jobs like water, but then they broke off the engagement and went seperate ways. He has a small dog and a girlfriend, who is unemployed, now. He also owns a truck, a van that is like a small RV and a trailer full of stuff.

So here is my dilemma, he got laid off in early January and can't make rent. He has to move out by Saturday/Sundayand has nowhere to go. He is an only child and both his parents and grandparents have passed on. He has no friends to stay with either.

He has called and asked to live in his van in our driveway for 1-2 months while he gets back on his feet and hopefully starts working again. He would also be bringing his small dog, who is fine with kids and my cat but I do not have a fenced in yard, and his unemployed girlfriend who is also looking for work.

He would need access to my house 24/7 for the bathroom and kitchen. He would also use my laundry facilities and internet. He also would be plugged into a power outlet. I don't have room for them to sleep in my house.

Would you let this happen? How would you make it work? If not, why not?

ETA- The girlfriends had Been around maybe 5 months and he won't come without her because she had nowhere to go either. All of her family is in California and we are in Washington.

He wasn't a "great" dad growing up, in fact we had a lot of issues, one of them being he told me he was having an affsir and wanted to divorce my mom but that I had to keep it a secret until he could get around to telling her. I was 15! The girl he was sleeping with was 18!!! Since then, we have never been close and he sees nothing wrong with his actions. A few years ago, I had an emergency and needed somewhere to live asap and he wasn't there for me, because his dogs (he had two different dogs at that time) didn't like kids. This was a serious emergency where me and my kids were in danger. There is a lot of history there.

He also has had more than 30 jobs in my 25 years of life and seven of those years he didn't work. Hee had told me he is applying for a lot, but he refuses to make under a certain amount because half is taken out for child support (he owes my mom over $100,000 in back child support).

I would help my mom, always, but with him.... i'm just unsure.
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by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RADmomma
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:49 AM
I would. But I would expect some help around the home in return. He would also have to find a way to bring in some money odd jobs or whatever for food.
I would also write up an agreement. He can stay for X amount of time & is responsible for X around the house
Jenniy
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

My mom I would in a heartbeat, my father can freeze.  According to him I'm not his child, so he can go fuck himself.

Einworb
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:51 AM
4 moms liked this

What you decide is a personal decision, and since I don't know you "personally", I can only share what my perspective is.

IF you choose to allow them to stay with you, make sure you outline a time-frame of when he needs to have some kind of employment and housing. This way, you're not endlessly stuck with them shacking up with you, without any kind of "end goal" in sight. You may also need to outline house rules, with your terms and conditions on how YOU manage your home, and what is and is not acceptable inside your home. Addressing the issue of them picking up the dog feces on your yard should also be mentioned - unless - you want to take that on..

Best of luck.

Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:54 AM
He already has offered to do some housework for free (we just bought the house in August) and his gf offered free babysitting as well.

We were thinking 3 months for him to get back on his feet. He is getting unemployment, but not much, so he can cover all of his food and such, and we may end up asking him to chip in for certain things since our power bill will increase but we are still talking about it.

Quoting RADmomma: I would. But I would expect some help around the home in return. He would also have to find a way to bring in some money odd jobs or whatever for food.

I would also write up an agreement. He can stay for X amount of time & is responsible for X around the house
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Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:57 AM
There would definitely be some rules put in place because we (my SO and I) need our space too so they can't be in my house 24/7. His van has a tv, Xbox, mini fridge and microwave so they should be able to entertain themselves out there so we can have some space.

I am not cleaning up after their dog, dog poop is why I don't have a dog. Lol.

Quoting Einworb:

What you decide is a personal decision, and since I don't know you "personally", I can only share what my perspective is.


IF you choose to allow them to stay with you, make sure you outline a time-frame of when he needs to have some kind of employment and housing. This way, you're not endlessly stuck with them shacking up with you, without any kind of "end goal" in sight. You may also need to outline house rules, with your terms and conditions on how YOU manage your home, and what is and is not acceptable inside your home. Addressing the issue of them picking up the dog feces on your yard should also be mentioned - unless - you want to take that on..


Best of luck.

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dingysfamily
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I honestly don't know.  How well do you & your family get along with him & the gf?  If he isn't working & his girlfriend isn't working will they be able to help out with the exta expense it will cost in utility expense of him being connected to your electricity?  Will they be providing their own food?  If he can live in that truck any other time, why would he need your kitchen, can't he cook in there while parked in your driveway?  I can understand the bathroom, since he can't hook into a sewer line.  I would have to have rules laid down for sure before I could allow it.

My dad did live with us for awhile, and then just before he  passed we were getting ready to move him back in with us.  He was in his 70's the first time and 80's at the end, and his situation was very different.  He had an income, and was helping with all expenses and would have helped the 2nd time.  You really need to think hard about the situation and talk about it with your dh.

Anoronlight
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Been there done that.
Did that with my father in law who wouldn't get off his butt and help out, but was more then willing to rearrange my house without my permission.

Did that with my mom, but me and my mom don't have a very good relationship...she has BPD and because of that there is always tension between us. We do better when we aren't under each other's roof for more then a day or two.

For us it didn't work out...now I have a friend living here and things are much better. I guess it depends on the person and your relationship with them.

PrettyGirl1980
by on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:16 PM
Yes.
Mommy4-27-08
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 12:18 PM
He has a microwave and a small refrigerator, I think. But not enough to make good meals or many different meals. He will get unemployment and we still need to discuss the amount of money he would need to chip into the house. He could buy all his own groceries.

Quoting dingysfamily:

I honestly don't know.  How well do you & your family get along with him & the gf?  If he isn't working & his girlfriend isn't working will they be able to help out with the exta expense it will cost in utility expense of him being connected to your electricity?  Will they be providing their own food?  If he can live in that truck any other time, why would he need your kitchen, can't he cook in there while parked in your driveway?  I can understand the bathroom, since he can't hook into a sewer line.  I would have to have rules laid down for sure before I could allow it.

My dad did live with us for awhile, and then just before he  passed we were getting ready to move him back in with us.  He was in his 70's the first time and 80's at the end, and his situation was very different.  He had an income, and was helping with all expenses and would have helped the 2nd time.  You really need to think hard about the situation and talk about it with your dh.

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mcsmom1
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 2:14 PM
2 moms liked this

I would let my dad and the dog. I'm not too sure about the girlfriend. Can't she stay with her family or friends?

 

 

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