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Do you tell your kids you love them every day?

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:42 AM
  • 119 Replies

Teaching Kids About Love Isn't Always Easy

by Jenny Erikson

One of the most important things to me when my husband and I split up was making sure the kids knew they were loved. It’s still my number one parenting priority -- more important than organic kale smoothies or pressed clothes or beds that get made daily. If they get one thing out of their childhood, I want it to be that they know they were and are unconditionally loved.

One of my daughters has a tendency toward anxiousness. She is tentative and deliberate in her actions and ruminates around in her brain far more than the average kiddo. I see the wheels turning in her head and hear the pointed questions she asks without realizing that she’s giving away her inner fears.

I spent a long time in a bad marriage because I believed at the time that it was the best option for the children. It’s what all the studies say, right? Kids whose parents aren’t together grow up to be crack whores so nasty Charlie Sheen won’t even do them. Or something.

Anyway, our intact family bit the dust, and now it’s time to make the best of it. I’ve read the books and talked to the therapists, and know that sometimes children of divorce feel a little lost in their place in the world. Not only do they now shuttle back and forth between two homes, but also that solid foundation, the knowledge of unbreakable love, has been cracked.

More from The Stir: 3 Things to Tell Your Kids When You're Getting Divorced

Kids love their parents whole-heartedly, and parents (the non-psychotic ones at least) love them back just as unconditionally. Children assume that this is the same love that parents feel for each other, so when mom and dad decide to get a divorce, they will naturally worry that their parents may fall out of love with them too.

Which is why teaching kids about love is so important, especially different kinds of love. The love their father and I felt for each other is very different than the love we each feel for them. Romantic love and parental love are two very distinct animals, and it’s nearly impossible to fall out of love with your children.

Romantic love must be constantly kindled to be kept alive, but parental love runs bone deep, imprinted on our souls and in our DNA. Romantic love can be extinguished -- either quickly or by slow erosion -- but the flame of parental love will always flicker.

I want my kids to know that they are loved completely and thoroughly, not because they’re good enough or because they earned it in any way, but just because they exist. And in that knowledge, I hope that as they grow, they come to understand that romantic love is a treasured gift to be shared with someone that loves them back -- just the way they are.

Do you tell your kids you love them every day?

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Emerald Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:50 AM

No I don't. But I should.

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:57 AM

My kids hear it at least once a day. Especially my oldest. Ever since she became a big sister I think she feels over shadowed, plus she has slipped into a pattern of bad behavior lately. I always make sure she knows that I when I correct her that it means I love her extra, and that I just want her to grow and be her best. I couldn't imageine not telling them I love them everyday. You never know what could happen and I want to make sure if something happenens to me that they remember that. 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:07 AM

Not every day, but several times a week. I should say it more, but it's not something I heard at all growing up, so it's not something I remember to say.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I say it multiple times a day and I say it at some set time (before bed and when dropping them off at school) but I also say it sporadically throughout the day as well. Sometimes they just giggle at me and roll their eyes saying "I love you too" but at least they know I love them.
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by New Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:26 AM

I say it to both of my kids as they leave the house for school in the morning.  I also slightly open the bedroom doors after bedtime to tell them.   If anything happens during school or at night, the last thing they heard from me is how much I love them.

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:39 AM

I tell my kids multiple times a day!!

by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:47 AM
Yes i tell them alot.
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:52 AM
I always tell my kids that I love them.
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:40 AM
Every time they are in my presents...Iif they are just walking through the living room to the kitchen I day it and on the way back. ..never miss that opportunity it's one privilege you lose when they leave home
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:48 AM

Yeah, I tell thim.

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