Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

6 yrs apart

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 2:37 AM
  • 6 Replies
So DH & I have had a bumpy road with starting a family. We've been married 10 yrs as of today! But in the 12 years total together we've had 8 miscarriages & 2 ectopics. IVF is the only way for us to conceive a biological child. In 2008 we were blessed on our first round with our daughter. We did another cycle 2 years later but made the mistake of inviting my mom to come with my daughter but instead she raided our medicine cabinet & spent 3 days in a pill whatever she could grab stupor, while texting my dad we were starving her & I apparently pushed her down the stairs. So I was getting text messages calling me everything under the sun. This was going in durning our 2 week wait (after implantation) the IVF nurse kept reminding me to meditate and try to stay calm. Needless to say those embies did not stick! We reviewed all the records and my dr agreed stress from my parents most likely caused our failure. To this day she cannot come in my home and my husband hates her!

Fast fwd to 2014 my daughter really wants a sibling so we are now working with one of the best in IVF treatment and I'm about to start my cycle. We have an 80% chance of this working which is huge for IVF numbers. But I'm worried 6 yrs apart between kids, I'm afraid they will not be close. It still upsets me that the last one failed bc we'd have an almost 4 yr old by now. But anyone with kids 5-6 or more years apart how did your kids do with a new baby? Are they close? I sometimes feel like I let my daughter & husband down by not being able to give them a huge family.
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 2:37 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
ElenaC08
by New Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 2:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Im pregnant now and my dd is six, i was worried about the same thing..so sorry about your miscarriages and your hardtimes, everything will work out.
Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Feb. 16, 2014 at 2:41 AM
1 mom liked this

My oldest two are nearly 5 years apart. They are very close, and always have been.

My brother and I are 11 years apart. He was my best friend. (He passed away 6 years ago.) One of my really good friends is 10 years older than his half-sister, and they're really close, too.

I've actually found that closer gaps, like 2-3 years, tend to be less bonded than larger gaps. 

Alexis Emma 10-13-1999 - 14 years old
Kirsten Leslie 03-14-2004 - 9 years old
Sarah Mackenzie 08-14-2007 - 6 years old
Charlotte Amelia & Harmon David 04-12-2012 - 21 months old
Angela Victoria 06-09-1996 - 17 years old (niece) 

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 3:03 AM
1 mom liked this

I can tell you age has nothing to do with being close.  My dd is 7 and the sibling she is closest to is 21 years older than her.  Obviously I am the step mom of her brother.   I have a brother who is 5 years younger and we are so/so for closeness.   I am sure your daughter would be happy to have a sibling to teach and perhaps "mother"in her own way.

ljmom24
by Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this
My kids are 5 years apart and they are close so close they sometimes sleep in same bed. My first was an ivf and then when I was 4 months pregnant we lost coverage for that. Our second is a surprise baby. When my oldest was 4 he started asking for a baby brother and this was around Christmas and I got pregnant on New Years we joke his brother was his late Christmas present.

Now it's not all lollipops and roses they do annoy each other but what siblings don't. My sister and I were 2 years apart and we fough maybe more then my two but my sister is also bipolar and has been most her life. I have friends with 5 or more age difference and with friends with less and we all have the same issues. Some days they are best friends and next day they hate each other.

There is no perfect age difference just what works best for your family. Can say pluses for us of the age difference are one kid in diapers at the same time, one day care bill (oldest was in kindergarten by the time the baby came) and will only have one in college at a time which also means just like my oldest got the only child full attention when he graduated high school his brother can get that.
gmansmom2008
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I actually have the same concern...then I think my sister and I are almost 5 years apart and we are BFFs
SoCalTx
by Member on Feb. 22, 2014 at 5:40 AM
Thank you everyone for your replies!! I know DD is going to LOVE being a big sister no matter what! Well she told me she'd be happier if we had twins lol. You gals gave me a lot to ponder over. Thank you again!!! With that we start our IVF cycle officially Monday!!! Super excited!!!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)