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Advice for dealing with grandma :)

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:25 PM
  • 15 Replies
I need some helpful advise on dealing with a loved but very stubborn and therefore difficult MIL. I don't believe losing my temper is useful, so I haven't resorted to it. I want to continue maintaining a good relationship with her, which we do have, but it can be very taxing when her wishes aren't met. Like.. not visiting as often and for as long as she wants. We do try to make an effort but not quite to her satisfaction and she will let us know.

She is a wonderful and loving grandma to our DD. We appreciate this. But we don't appreciate the side comments and sometimes guilt trip that she gives DH and I when we don't comply with her wishes.

The joys of in-laws :)
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Endless.Mom
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:28 PM
2 moms liked this

Some people think I am odd for saying this but it works great for me every time. I write a letter. 

I sit down and write out everything I am feeling while stressing all the good in the person and ask them for their help in raising my family in the best way pipossible which I know they want. We may not always agree but I respect them and I just ask that they respect me.

Can you tell I have had to do this before? Yeah but this did work. I did it with my dad.

My mom said that he read it, got pissed, read it again, got calmer, read it a few more times and then they talked about it between themselves, and then he talked to me. He was able to be upset on his own without me being there for that moment which I knew would make him uncomfortable.  

Einworb
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Endless.Mom, I was not expecting that kind of advice - THANK YOU! What a great idea. I have done this before but never thought to do it in this situation. Very helpful advice, thanks again.
fudgybuddymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 1:49 PM

I don't deal with them much anymore. Esp when for some weird reason they got mad cause I wouldn't let my daughter stay overnight with them on Christmas Eve. For some weird reason I am not aware of, they thought I would let my daughter spend Christmas away from me! Uh No! And then they had the nerve to say my late husband would've allowed her to stay Christmas Eve into Christmas Day without us there. Uh NO! So I just don't deal with them anymore & do not allow my daughter to see them unless they come here. They live a couple of towns over so it 's all good-we don't have to see them!

Einworb
by on Feb. 17, 2014 at 1:52 PM

 

Quoting fudgybuddymom:

I don't deal with them much anymore. Esp when for some weird reason they got mad cause I wouldn't let my daughter stay overnight with them on Christmas Eve. For some weird reason I am not aware of, they thought I would let my daughter spend Christmas away from me! Uh No! And then they had the nerve to say my late husband would've allowed her to stay Christmas Eve into Christmas Day without us there. Uh NO! So I just don't deal with them anymore & do not allow my daughter to see them unless they come here. They live a couple of towns over so it 's all good-we don't have to see them!

I would have stood my ground on that one too! At least, with my MIL, I could see us spending Christmas with my parents but my relationship with them is a lot different (we are closer).

Mom2Boys9501
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 2:37 PM

I don't

Dh's bio mom, sister, and grandmother I haven't talked to in almost 13 years.

Dh's "stepmom" and sister and brother I don't talk to a lot. His brother and sister I think hate me because I won't "let" him go to Michigan to visit them and his mom I don't know what she thinks. I don't think she really considers him a son. His mom and dad divorced before his dad was murdered so he basically just calls her mom for his brother and sister but even he doesn't talk to them much.

lizard3731
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:43 AM

My MIL does the guilt trip thing.  After 28 years of marriage, it no longer has any effect.  In fact, I don't even notice she's doing it anymore.  Ignoring the guilt trip stuff works for me.

withsecond
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 10:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I believe in being respectfully honest. If they say something you don't agree with just say, I'm sorry but I don't agree or if she's giving you a hard time for not sticking around longer just say, I'm sorry but we can't. Ignore the guilt trip.
elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:30 PM

Sorry, no help here. My mil and fil passed away several years ago, and I just ignore the rest of the family the way they ignore me.

Einworb
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:01 PM
I'm sorry to hear that :(

Quoting elasmimi:

Sorry, no help here. My mil and fil passed away several years ago, and I just ignore the rest of the family the way they ignore me.

poisonedtaco
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:34 PM

 I try to stay away from them. I do not like their ways, views, or beliefs.

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