Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

He doesn't want to be married...UPDATE

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 3:20 AM
  • 51 Replies

My husband just told me he wants a divorce. I have no clue what to do. I do not want a divorce. I am just numb from crying. Our oldest turns 7 in less that 2 weeks, the youngest 3 soon after and I am due with #3 June 2. what the hell am I going to do? We are 2 mo away from our 5th anniversary been together almost 8 years!

*Update* We talked and it seems he is open to us having a relationship in the future, but he just doesn't want to be married. I can't quite wrap my head around that. He just hates the fact that we are married. He wants the freedom to just be responsible for him. I think he is being selfish, we have kids, it will never be just about him. I feel used , like he did a trial run to see what marriage would be like. I don't know what to do. I want him to be happy, but it hurts that he feels being married will never make him happy. I guess I sort of wonder if this has ever happened to anyone else? Where a relationship worked out long-term, but the marriage part had to be ended.

by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 3:20 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Liz402013
by Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 3:58 AM
I am so sorry hun. (Hugs) Is there any possibility of marriage counseling? Did he give you a reason for his decision?Sounds to me there is still a lot of things you both must sit down to talk about. I hope he has a change of heart and you are both able to work out the issues to save your marriage if that is an option. In the meantime try not to stress about the future and take one day at a time. Everything will be ok.
Good luck!
SuperMommy22
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:29 AM

Bump


Pnukey
by Jennifer on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:32 AM
4 moms liked this

Sorry, but he sounds like an ass. I'd calmly explain to him that it stopped being "just him" when y'all said "I do." Also, tell him how he will still be responsible for his kids in the form of c/s and making sure they know him. I think it will be more taxing on him to leave, but he doesn't see it yet. He thinks he will get freedom from a divorce, but he will not.

Tell him to suck it up and be a man/husband/daddy.

angie944
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:35 AM
5 moms liked this

Wow... maybe he should have thought about that before he married you and concieved three children. He seems like a jerk, selfish and trying to run away from his responsibilites. I would say, leave him and suck him dry with child support. One way or another, he is going to have to be a "dad".  He is acting like a kid himself. You are better off without him. 

Sassybaglady31
by on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:37 AM

Honestly some of the happiest couples are not married. The word marriage scares people and some realize that before they say I do and usually before the 5th year. Maybe someone has scared him into thinking he need to not be married. I would tell him that lets try a HALL PASS he is free for 7 days to do whatever he wants and there will be no questions asked and see if that helps him. I am sorry you have to go through this and especially with 3 kids very selfish of him 

TheSilence
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:37 AM
4 moms liked this
Wow I'm sorry.
If I were you I would do a clean break. You shouldn't put your life on hold just because he doesn't know what he wants.
I would also sit down with him and tell him straight that he has 2 children with another on the way and that means he will NEVER be responsible for just himself until they are adults.
Honestly he sounds like he wants to cheat but doesn't want to lose you as well. He wants his cake and to eat it to. You are better than that!
morrigan914
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:38 AM

Tell that man child that it stopped being all about him when you had a baby together. And it will never be all about him now that he has 3. 

TheSilence
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:39 AM
7 moms liked this
A 'hall pass' is just an excuse to cheat. No self respecting woman would give a man permission to cheat. That's stupid.

Quoting Sassybaglady31:

Honestly some of the happiest couples are not married. The word marriage scares people and some realize that before they say I do and usually before the 5th year. Maybe someone has scared him into thinking he need to not be married. I would tell him that lets try a HALL PASS he is free for 7 days to do whatever he wants and there will be no questions asked and see if that helps him. I am sorry you have to go through this and especially with 3 kids very selfish of him 

amberklo
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:40 AM
He needs to grow up.I understand him not wanting to be married that's one thing.His reasoning is a whole mother thing.
Lottie925
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:41 AM
3 moms liked this
Wtf? Maybe he shouldn't have kept knocking you up?

Check the phones and computer girl. He's cheating.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)