So my DH and I have been married for a year and a half. Been together for almost 8yrs. We haven't told many people and most of our family don't know. We was going to have a big wedding but money is tight ect., Two weeks ago he said he wanted a Divorce. We have since then been to therapy twice but its kinda expensive. Any way his reason was he no longer loves me (while in therapy he told her that he had been feeling that way since the end of summer) I was blind sided. I mean I know we fight a lot but never seen this coming.
His job keeps him gone for weeks sometimes. And we would try and talk as much as possible via internet/phones. But anyway the fighting would accrue cause he was my relief.. so I thought. I would what I thought tell him about this and that (mostly negative).. that would happen that day. Mind you when he is gone we probably only have about 10mins to talk. So if he didn't say the right things in that 10mins to calm me down I would be hurt and that would cause a fight. Also money is a little tight right now so I know he is feeling pressure of the bills. ( I am a SAHM) Just a little glimpse of why we fight. We don't cheat and he is NOT and I repeat he is not seeing or talking to anyone. Nor am I. lol It seriously is just cause we fight all the time about the most stupid stuff. Mainly cause I get butt hurt over something, could be small could be big. Hes not a talker and especially when Im upset or upset him, he will clam up and not say a word.
Back to the last two weeks. So he asked for the divorce. In the last two weeks maybe three now. He wont say he loves me. We still have sex. We have really great conversations. I feel like we have connected on a whole different level. But he wont say he loves me. He shows love and he will still kiss me when he wants to. But he wont say it. We still sleep in the same bed at night when hes home. I feel like im on a emotional roller coaster and I don't know how to get off. I feel I have no control at all. He has it. Maybe im too controlling idk. I know that im trying my best to be a better person.. Like getting dressed and fixing myself up. Keeping up with the house, so that when he is home he don't stress about that. Keeping my attitude more positive. But im feeling like im doing all this and not getting anything in return.
Maybe I shouldn'tbe expecting anything, But I just want to know we are both working in the right direction. I mean I took my ring off today (Engagement ring we hadn't gotten bands yet since very few people know we are actually married) and I don't think he even noticed. I just feel like a fool. I love him so much and when nights like tonight that hes home and there is no emotional connection at night I feel alone. When I say that, its cause I can feel that he loves me and when we have sex I can tell he loves me. He just wont say it. I don't know why that's important to me but it is.
He wont talk about it (any of it). If I bring up how I feel it starts a fight. He pretty much told me that he would let me know if his feelings changed. Said I would be the first to know. I just want to know everything is going to be ok. Some kind of reassurance.
My question is do I let him go? Or Fight?
This is already long but its just the tip of the most important stuff. (generalized) Im sorry if non of this makes sense I am by far no writer. :)