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making friends on playdates - it's like dating again! aah!

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 12:25 PM
  • 7 Replies

I would love to hear if any other moms have a different take on my experience with another mom, I feel like the same questions come up like in dating!

I first met a mom from my son's daycare several months ago.  She told me she was so excited to finally meet me, she was so happy our kids were friends, and how she wanted our kids to go to college together!  She was super friendly & told me she would love to get our kids together for a playdate.  I don't instantly give out my number to anyone but she was os overzealous about getting together for a playdate so I gave her my number & told her I'd be happy to get together.  I had all but forgotten about her when she finally called 5 months later.  So we had a playdate & we & the kids had a great time.  We then kept in touch with texts & every text was again so super friendly & telling me she couldn't wait to get together again.  I then didn't hear back from her again for awhile & thought maybe something had happened, or maybe she says things she means at the times then forgets.  so just as i was ready to just figure she'd be an acquaintance i might see at the school functions, she writes again telling me she can't wait to get together again.  So my husband is telling me this is for my son, not for me, and that if my son wants to go, I should.  So during this playdate ahe tells me so much about herself, really open, telling me very personal things, then tells me taht we have to get together weekly because she loves it as well as the boys love it.  She then asks me for all my info for her cell phone & tells me she needs it all because we are now such good friends, she's changing where I am in her phone.  She tells me stories about other people who she calls acquaintances & goes out of her way to say we are now such good friends, not something I would actually say as I get to know someone, I guess letting a friendship unfold without needing to say, "We're friends now!". I thought it was kind of sweet, & she talked about how we were going to get together as a whole family, and that we ahould start babysitting for each other so we could each have date nights with our husbands, and was also planning months ahead for things like birthdays.  So when i left she gave me a huge hug, ans told me to call when I got home so that she knew i was home safely.  It all seemed so sweet, but baffling because of each long pause between seeing her, and the amount she would talk about what great friends we are each time we'd see each other.

Then I made plans with her which she had to cancel because her kids were sick which was totally understandable.  I told her to please let me know it they needed anything.   She never wrote back, still hasn't 3 weeks later.  It was baffling to go from being overly sweet & calling us great friends the last time we saw each other & each text after that until her last one.  My husband told me again it's for my son & I guess it would be silly to believe anything she says at this point if i hear from her again.  If my son wants to go on another playdate, I guess I should.  Would anyone else be baffled by this behavior, or is it clear to you, & I'm missing something?  I had a great time each time because she's very fun, friendly, affectionate but I never was in the slightest asking about being friends or anything else, it was all out of nowhere when she would come out with these overly friendly things after actually only meeting in person a few times.  I began to wonder if she had wanted something from me, she has asked for some advice related to my old work, but she didn't know what I did before.  So I'm pretty baffled by the behavior & to be honest disappointed since it's hard meeting other fun moms for playdates & I loved the idea of a weekly playdate & friends for the kids while we adults could have an adult conversation!  At this point I don't know if I'll hear from her again but if I do clearly I know not to expect much.  I also know I may not hear from her again & I'm left wondering why?

If anyone out there thinks they may have some insight, I'd love to hear it.  In some ways, it feels like dating again when you go through someone saying they like you then don't call.  I don't miss dating, I don't miss that drama.  I wondered if maybe there is a part of her that is either very dramatic, and then atresses out if she makes plans ahe later feels overwhelmed to keep.  I'm left second guessing, so any other thoughts or encouraging words would be appreciated!  Hope all you moms are having a good & easy day today :)

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 12:25 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Karmahappens
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 12:27 PM

So? What is the problem. Go on the playdates, enjoy them and don't have sex with her!

No really, just go and take it for what it is worth.  Have fun and all and then it's done.

DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 12:37 PM
Maybe she is just a friendly person. Looking for friends is hard as a child let alone as an adult, I know I prob ckme off a little strong some times. Not meaning to but I do because I want a friend that bad. Is she new to the area? Im new well not no more but was to our area and just wanted friends. I wouldn't read to much into itn id gp on the playdates when they happen.
artemis2014
by New Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 3:01 PM

I probably missed writing a couple things like she broke plans with us a few times the day of and it was a disappointment to my son.  I also might not have mentioned that I am trying and hoping to make friends with some moms so that playdates can be for my kids as well as me 😊 and I guess a lot of it for me was I was psyched when she was saying she was so happy we were friends, and looking forward to seeing her, so it was such a drag when she'd cancel last minute and then not hear from her for weeks.  I never minded her coming on strong, I just didn't know why she'd cancel and not call for weeks or momths.  sucks

SuziMcCarthy
by New Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 3:12 PM

With out sounding mean or anything... but do you ever call her to set up dates or anything? You mentioned she calls you or says she going to call and then doesnt, but do you ever call her to intiate these play dates? Maybe she is wanting a little intiation from you and also needs to know that you are just as interested. Not sure if that helps or not. And maybe you were calling too but just didnt mention it. =)

Happy to put in my 2 cents,

Suzi

artemis2014
by New Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 5:52 PM

That's okay. It didn't sound mean at all.  I did write that I've initiated and it was a few different times.  Once when she hadn't written back, and though I was a little worried after reading an article online about one of the worst playdate moms to make friends with is a needy mom trying to make friends, so while I was worried about coming off that way, I just went for it & each time she said ahe definitely wanted to.  so I made plans more than once with her but that she cancelled the day of each time, and maybe my original post didn't convey what went on, or I left things out but basically, I went into it worried about not making her uncomfortable about coming on too strong, then was really excited when she actually came on strong & was saying to me how great it would be that we were great friends and so were our kids.  so i was psyched, and then she'd cancel, we'd replan, have a great time & she'd tell me she wanted to do it weekly, and has a bunch of times just stopped calling or writing until weeks or more later.  So i'm not sure what i wanted to hear back from my post, it's hard being a SAHM & then trying to put yourself out there, making a connection, and then wondering what happened.  When i talked to my sister about it she told me she's had experiences before where she thought she made a friend and it dissolved, and we joked about how it was like dating.  so hard to try to find someone you get along with really well and your kids get along too.  If you have it, to some of us it seems like hitting the jackpot!  Not sure my experience really came across well in the forum, so I'm going to close out my question.  If there are any moms out there who know what it deels like and want to chat, please feel free to write me!

SuziMcCarthy
by New Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM
I know what you mean! I am orgifinally
From California and moved to Texas in late 20's so I feel you on the making GOOD friends is like dating. Where abouts do you live?

Quoting artemis2014:

That's okay. It didn't sound mean at all.  I did write that I've initiated and it was a few different times.  Once when she hadn't written back, and though I was a little worried after reading an article online about one of the worst playdate moms to make friends with is a needy mom trying to make friends, so while I was worried about coming off that way, I just went for it & each time she said ahe definitely wanted to.  so I made plans more than once with her but that she cancelled the day of each time, and maybe my original post didn't convey what went on, or I left things out but basically, I went into it worried about not making her uncomfortable about coming on too strong, then was really excited when she actually came on strong & was saying to me how great it would be that we were great friends and so were our kids.  so i was psyched, and then she'd cancel, we'd replan, have a great time & she'd tell me she wanted to do it weekly, and has a bunch of times just stopped calling or writing until weeks or more later.  So i'm not sure what i wanted to hear back from my post, it's hard being a SAHM & then trying to put yourself out there, making a connection, and then wondering what happened.  When i talked to my sister about it she told me she's had experiences before where she thought she made a friend and it dissolved, and we joked about how it was like dating.  so hard to try to find someone you get along with really well and your kids get along too.  If you have it, to some of us it seems like hitting the jackpot!  Not sure my experience really came across well in the forum, so I'm going to close out my question.  If there are any moms out there who know what it deels like and want to chat, please feel free to write me!

artemis2014
by New Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 3:46 PM

All the way across on the eastside!  I'm in MA.  It's not easy, is it?  I'm happy having a playdate with almost any moms for my kids.  But I also would love to meet someone I'd be friends with too.  I think that having this mom tell me that she was so excited to meet me, be friends, and wanted to have family outings and everything, it was like a playdate jackpot!  She told me we had to get the guys together to have guy time too while the kids played and we had girl time.  Sounded so great.  Anyway after reading your post last night I thought even though she hasn't written back, maybe I should try one more time in case you were right that I should initiate again.  Usually she texts back right away but I know of course it can take time, for me sometimes a day because of the kids!  so I haven't heard back but we'll see and I decided that if she doesn't try to reach me, at least I gave it a good try.  My son keeps begging me to keep asking when he can see his buddy again and I feel bad for him and told him they might be busy and we're going to try to set something up with one of his other friends.  how do you make playdates?  have you had much luck finding other moms you get along with?  I can get along with different people but when you meet one who you seem to connect with and has kids who are friends with your kid, it's great!  I'm going to keep on trying.  How about you out there in TX!  Big difference from CA?  How long have you been there now?  Do you find other moms with common interests easily?

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