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So Tired, help...please PIOG

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:38 PM
  • 4 Replies

I don't know what else to do. I have 5 daughters and the older 3 (3.5, 6 and 8) I have tried everything I can think of. They touch and take thigs that are everyone elses. Say for example the emergency lamp from the living room was in their room, my shaving cream in thier room, etc. They have never stollen from other people. They don't hide the things they take. It's as if they are entitled. They don't listen when we tell them to do things, (clean your room, pick up toys in the living room...) They argue with me about school work ( They are homeschooled) I have grounded them, I don't think they care. I have taken things away. They aren't allowed to do extra-curricular activities (girl scouts, friends) if their school work isn't done by 4 pm. I hate to take away church activities or homeschool co-op classes. But I'm so cose to never letting them go anywhere and  I think about taking away all their toys and tablets. What else should I do? Any other suggestions? Anything anyone knows. I want to put it out there that we have ADHD and SPD but I don't think they are excuses just reasons why some of these things might be more difficult. I feel like I'm losing my mind!

by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:38 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Nickie76
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 10:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Awww hunny you'll make it work! Take drastic measures. Wait till the older ones go to school. Gut their rooms, nothing but a mattress, nothing more for a week. I promise you it'll work! I have 7 kids. Good luck! (Hugs)
jconney80
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Hi I'm really sorry to hear you going through this! Did you know that most kids who have been diagnosed with SPD and ADHD are also most likely on the autism spectrum (PDD-NOS or Aspergers). I have 3 kids all just like yours and they're all on the autism spectrum. My oldest was originally diagnosed with ADHD, SPD, and OCD. Every single type of discipline we tried never changed any of her behaviors so we took her to a neuropsychologist when we started seeing the same things going on with my son who was diagnosed on the spectrum at 2.5. They did thorough testing that showed that she has a genius IQ but doesn't understand simple things. I also have a friend with several girls all on the spectrum too. My kids are much like everyone else but they struggle so much with everything you listed. Aba therapy can be a blessing if you get a diagnosis. We homeschool too and I have the same struggles. If you want to send me a private message you can. I'd be glad to help. I started a local support group in my city and have a support group on Facebook as well so I see these issues a lot with people with kids who are diagnosed on the spectrum. I hope you don't take what I said the wrong way. I'm just trying to help. I completely understand how you feel and how hard it is. My kids all act entitled too because their thinking is very black and white and inflexible. They think everything is about them but not because they're brats.
ducabbage
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 7:53 AM
I have two boys who are like that. Long story short their father and I (I'm stepmom with no bio mom) have been working with them. A lot of their problems though were because they didn't have a lot of boundaries when they were growing up. They are 11 months apart and didn't even have separate dressers until they were like 8 and 9 so they used each other's clothes, toys, etc. My husband and I have been working with them for 8 months now and the youngest is making great strides.
We have been on top of them and are trying to point out responsibility for things and owner ship. We set clear boundaries for them, they can't go into our room unless we are in there and invite them in, we gave each of them three sets of school clothes that they are responsible for making sure are clean for school. If one takes a toy or something from the other, we correct the action and point out that they didn't ask and that it is wrong to do such a thing. We also try to relate it to them, "how would you feel if he did that to you?"
In your case with the younger kids, setting up a bin for each kid with toys and or books in it might help to distinguish possession so to speak. Also, we set aside space for each of them in the room they share so they have their space.
As for a sense of entitlement we started talking to them about cost and how things cost money. If they break something that belongs to someone else we make them either pay it back, with money they earn from doing chores, or they have to do something for the person who's item they broke. Two days ago, I got fed up with them thinking that they can just leave whatever where ever and took pictures of their stuff and posted the pics on the wall with rewards, both monetary and non monetary, so they can earn their item back and learn to be responsible with their stuff.
Pretty much we are getting creative and staying consistant with our policies. That is something they never had, exhausting for us but beneficial in the long run. Good luck. I have other ideas too. Feel free to pm me if you want more.
mamamiajk
by Ruby Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 7:54 PM

hugs

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