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I am so F@*&ed!!!! :'( :'(

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 6:57 PM
  • 52 Replies
I have been with my now fiance for almost 5 months. We found out four weeks ago that I am expecting (I am 8 weeks along) The engagement happened becuase I wouldn't stop bitching about having another bastard child (cruel I know) So it wasn't a surprise or a special moment to remember and the ring is a hand-me-down from a friend or relative of mine.

I have a two year old son from my previous relationship and I currently stay at home to care for him (on welfare) I use to love being a sahm until moving in with my new man and realising he doesn't make enough for him to live comfortably, let alone a family of 3. So I have been applying for work and I start college classes in the summer. It's good for me becuase I've never been proud of being on welfare.

I'm terrified of introducing this guy to my father. My dad has put so much faith in me to do the best for my son and I, so I already feel like a big disappointment with this news. No matter how much I try to stay positive I can't help but feel ashamed. I am so depressed. My man has no desire to get a better job or a second one. He currelty works 4 or 5 hours a day, only 5 days a week at minimum wage. He doesn't have a car (neither do I) and the biggest thing that has driven me to start working is that he does nothing to help out around the house. When I ask him to clean up his mess that has been sitting for 3 days he cleans up half ass. Its so frustrating for me always cooking and cleaning and all he does is play videogames, draws, or plays his guitar. He will say he will clean something up but after starring at it for hours I end up doing it. It's exhausting taking care of myself, a two year old and now a grown ass man who thinks that all he does is work and wishes he spent more time at home..smh

I do not have the best of luck when picking out a man. I love this man and I accepted his struggle, that wasn't a big deal to me, but now that another child is about to be invloved I am mortified. Out of all my friends I am the poorest, I don't have nice things, I don't have a nice house or a car. The daily stuggle with just one child is really a lot as it is.

All I ever wanted is stability and being able to give my family everything they need and desire. Everything has happened so fast and I am not anywhere near where I want to be with my life, I am so scared and so depressed..
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 6:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jhslove
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:09 PM
10 moms liked this

It sounds like there are a lot of issues here. If I were you, I would not be marrying someone with as many reservations as you have. (And it sounds like you're wise to be worried about these things.)

If I were you, I would put the engagement on hold until you figure some things out. It's great that you're going back to school--being financially self-sufficient will be huge for you. Once you have that, no one can ever take it away.

sweetsavannah10
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:19 PM

Hugs to you mama! I don't have a lot of advice to you. I wish I could help you! I am a good listener if you ever need to vent!

lil_mama06
by Brian's Lil Vixen on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this

HUGS HUGS HUGS....

happymum32712
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:52 PM
Thank you. In my fantasy world I'm thinking he will start carrying his weight around the house, we will find a big enough place, be able to afford to purchase a (used) car, have a nice small wedding ceremony with nice professional pictures of our wedding and baby announcements, all before the new baby arrives! (Reality sets in) I'm terrified! I don't know if I even want to stay with this guy and now I bare his child..

Quoting jhslove:

It sounds like there are a lot of issues here. If I were you, I would not be marrying someone with as many reservations as you have. (And it sounds like you're wise to be worried about these things.)


If I were you, I would put the engagement on hold until you figure some things out. It's great that you're going back to school--being financially self-sufficient will be huge for you. Once you have that, no one can ever take it away.

happymum32712
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:54 PM
Thanks! I will take any thoughts, opinions, or guidance I can get.

Quoting sweetsavannah10:

Hugs to you mama! I don't have a lot of advice to you. I wish I could help you! I am a good listener if you ever need to vent!

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:55 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to leave the loser
sweetsavannah10
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Personally, if you are already having doubts about the man, I would leave him. It will not end well. There is nothing wrong with having a baby out of wedlock! Your parents will (or should) love you regardless of any mistakes you have made. Congrats on school and the new baby 

Quoting happymum32712: Thanks! I will take any thoughts, opinions, or guidance I can get.
Quoting sweetsavannah10:

Hugs to you mama! I don't have a lot of advice to you. I wish I could help you! I am a good listener if you ever need to vent!


CafeMom Tickers


CafeMom Tickers

Alliemad_003
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Run
RobJar
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry. But 5 months is not a long time. You got serious way too fast. Your 2 months along, which means you had unprotected sex very fast. Even if it was protected, you should have been more careful, given you current situation with a toddler and on welfare.

If he's not willing to work to provide for you now, don't expect it to happen in the next 7 months, or 7 years.
happymum32712
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I wish I could. I've burned all my bridges with my family that lives near me from my last ex bf. I don't have any close friends and my mom lives in Ireland. I would love to run away to her and she has offered many times but I need physical and legal custody of my son before I can get him a passport and right now I'm waiting on a date to discuss custody with my other baby daddy. I wish I had the means to just up and leave but I have no where to go..

Quoting happymommy1105: You need to leave the loser
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