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The father of my 2 children claims he wants to b with me still but he just got MARRIED! what do i do?.

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:17 PM
  • 86 Replies
I have a question and that is what does a single mother do when she has kids by a guy that loves no one but his kids because he just got married in January 2014 and is asking 4 me back. The story starts out like this: I discovered I was pregnant with my first child in 08 and he says he was a virgin before me but something happened n we split. When I thought he was ready to be a man i let him back into my life in 2010 and picked up where we left off but i got pregnant with my second child. Then his inability to control his anger put him in jail and I was faithful to him but eventually gave up when i realized my suspicions might be real and his aggression barely fixed itself. He lied constantly and flirted with anyone online. I think the only reason he got married is because I showed no more interest in him around that time, I guess he gets more for taxes and he can flirt and cheat and she doesn't care as long as she's with him.(this is what he tells me) I know he sounds like a looser but I dont think I can be with anyone else because he is the one I trusted to have kids with after wanting to settle down. I don't know if he is manipulating me or he is being honest n if he is should I play along then turn him down FLAT after he is able to divorce his wife because he claims she won't divorce him;(clearly she's obsessed) or tell him to hit the road n keep the kids away until he asks for supervised visitation due to his aggression and let him and his awful marriage he talks about be and I move on?. I say this about the kids because he uses the kids as an excuse to get into my pants and now i may have to be the one to bring them to him because his wife says so is what im thinking. His wife has NOTHING but a job, no CAR, HOUSE, and she can't even support him like he wants her to. Maybe I just answered my own question but I don't have girlfriends to talk to. So do I let him down easy so he wont do something like slash my tires or believe that since he couldn't find better than me he wants to come back?..

I would just like to add thanks for the people who didn't BASH me for still having feelings 4 the person I had kids with. I don't want to be with him because the negative outweighs the positive about him but I just wanted everyones take on it. Even if he is telling the truth this once, I know better. I don't want him to leave his wife for me as it may sound like in my post; I just want him to be honest. I repeat I DO NOT want to be with someone like that, parenting alone may be hard at times but i'm not going back there. And as long as people post anonymous on here your opinions probably should be kept to yourself because that usually means your going to act like your perfect but nobody is and what you say is disrespectful. Your mom or guardian must not have taught you the manners of "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY DON'T SAY IT AT ALL." Last of all, found out their is a word for what he is. SOCIOPATH
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
strongforthem
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:21 PM
3 moms liked this
You want him someone who you believe it's capable of violence against you to divorce his wife for you?
frankiesma530
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Clearly, he'll say anything to get what he wants.

mom2the.rescue
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:24 PM
6 moms liked this

I'm too lazy to read past the first couple sentences.  He sounds like an asshole, don't take him back.

true10ve
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:26 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to steer clear of him! Switch to email conversation, and let him know clearly that you are not interested in a relationship and would like to keep you contact to a minimum from now on. If he takes the kids, you send them out to him, but don't let him in. It sounds harsh, but trust me, he will not change, and every time you let him back into your life you will just be hurt again. You are better than that and deserve more! Speaking from 14 years experience and have finally learned my lesson.
terpmama
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:23 PM
12 moms liked this
Read this again as a mother... What would you tell your daughter if she wrote this? What would you tell your son if he were the bf... Because how you live teaches your kids what is acceptable in relationships.
haleysmommy27
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:27 PM
2 moms liked this
Walk away.....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BIMOM21
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:27 PM
2 moms liked this
He's married. Move on and stop letting him control your emotions and your thoughts.
changewillcome
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:34 PM
He lives 2 hours away. This I good advice but I dont know if anyone else will accept me for who I am. I think with him he just pretended to.

Quoting true10ve: You need to steer clear of him! Switch to email conversation, and let him know clearly that you are not interested in a relationship and would like to keep you contact to a minimum from now on. If he takes the kids, you send them out to him, but don't let him in. It sounds harsh, but trust me, he will not change, and every time you let him back into your life you will just be hurt again. You are better than that and deserve more! Speaking from 14 years experience and have finally learned my lesson.
blue_apalt
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:34 PM
4 moms liked this
He sounds like a cheat (he is married woman), a potentially abusive, lying, player who cares only about what he can get from someone. Don't walk away --RUN RUN RUN AWAY!!! Run fast and stay far away. Don't talk to him unless its about the kids and if he goes off about wanting you or any other BS player crap, tell him the convo is over and hang up. IF he was going to turn over a new leaf then he would not be trying to cheat on a women he just married. He would not be begging you to be part of his life at this pt. He would be focused on getting a good job and supporting his kids and NOT living off his wife who he "doesn't love." He sounds like the definition of looser and nothing good will come from him. Run away. There are good men out there and if you feel you cant find one of them (you may be surprised) being single is a much better and healthier place than being with the kind of man he sounds like he is. Please do not consider him at all beyond being willing to try to keep discussion about kids open and visitation of he wants it (with someone court appointed that is not you). He sounds like of you give him the slightest bit he will try to manipulate --again PLEASE run away!
changewillcome
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:36 PM
I will hopefully. He says the marriage means nothing it was just for money. That isn't the kind of relationship I want. Always being broke.

Quoting BIMOM21: He's married. Move on and stop letting him control your emotions and your thoughts.
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