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My husband and porn

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 11:14 PM
  • 13 Replies
1 mom liked this

I've been married for 9 years and discovered about 5 months after marriage that my guy has a porn addiction..we've been thru several counselors..he's still using..I'm about at my witts end...I love him dearly but tired of this battle..thinking divorce.

by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 11:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
withsecond
by on Mar. 28, 2014 at 11:15 PM

Sorry, I don't really know what to say. 

I don't have an issue with porn but then again, neither does my husband. I suppose it could be a problem for me if he was looking at it too much or if I asked him to stop and he didn't. 

jconney80
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2014 at 11:17 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this. Many men have an addiction to porn. Is he really wanting to change it? I don't know what i'd do if I had to deal with it continously

hapullymareed
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 12:25 AM
My sister's soon to be ex husband has a porn addiction. She found out that it has been going on since before the ever got married (19 yrs ago)....it affected their marriage greatly. When he would watch porn he would then feel so guilty he wouldn't have sex with my sister...or if he did it would be very mechanical...missionary position only...lights off...no kissing. They went to counseling for years and finally nothing was getting any better. They r now getting a divorce.
My only suggestion is counseling...if u can get it to work.
lawilliamzuniga
by Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 12:28 AM
My husband had a problem with watching prob, especially when I go to sleep...we had marriage counseling with our priest and it helped...if he really want to change, he will work on the addiction...but men learn by action...I will separate, if he's not willing to change.
TINY....LOVE
by New Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 6:51 AM
Yes i understand u completely same with my kids father wr been together for 10 yrs and im not bad looking but im alil skinny and he watches thick girl's porn which makes me think his not attractive to me like that but he says he is not sure what to do either
notjstasocermom
by Samantha on Mar. 29, 2014 at 8:35 AM
Honestly I would seperate
Shaynas_Mommy
by Country Sweetheart on Mar. 29, 2014 at 8:43 AM
Does he want to stop? I know you said he's been to counseling, but was it just to appease you? Just like any addiction, he has to want to stop because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:54 AM
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This is really the heart of the matter. No one can end an addiction unless they really want to.

Quoting Shaynas_Mommy: Does he want to stop? I know you said he's been to counseling, but was it just to appease you? Just like any addiction, he has to want to stop because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.


Elle.tea.22
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Define addiction?
ShannonOrtiz
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would say my husband also has a porn addiction.  He watches it very regularly and when I catch him, it`s very uncomfortable for the both of us.  I'm not going to lie; I have on occasion partaken in watching porn and sometimes with my husband.  I'm not really opposed to it, but it still makes me feel jealous and icky when he's watching is behind my back.  I think he does it in secret because he knows it bothers me. And maybe it's just his thing that makes him feel like he still has a life of his own, kind of like his own personal space that I or anybody else is not invading.  He LOVES to look at women. He will do a certain whistle and I know OH there must be a hot lady on TV. It bugs me, but he says to me, "why are you so upset?" He doesn't get it.  I guess because he loves me and is with me, and looking is not the same thing as being unfaithful in his eyes.

To my husband, porn is just an outlet, kind of like watching TV, but with perks.  I have found that when he's in the office, I give him his space. I don't judge, I don't try to sneak around and find out what he's watching, I just let him be and when he's ready to hand out with me, we enjoy our time together.

Some people are completely against porn and that's ok.  If you are one of those people then yes it's probably not going to work out with you and your husband.  But if you can let him be the person he wants to be, without feeling less loved, then everyone is happy.  If he thinks he has an addiction and feels guilty about the porn, then he should get some help.  But have him honestly answer the question, does he really feel guilty or is he just fine with it? Maybe he only feels guilty about hurting your feelings because he loves you, yet doesn't want to deny himself something that makes him happy. Men are usually selfish in case you haven't figured that out yet.

Marriage is not about making people conform to who you want them to be but accepting people for who they are and hopefully building a life together that celebrates each others' differences.


Ask yourself this and ask him "does he love you?"  I know this must be very difficult for you, so I wish you all the best and good luck!!!

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