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GUILT! Moving away from my family with my husband and children.

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:49 AM
  • 68 Replies

My husband has a job interview in California this afternoon.  We live in Ontario, Canada. We have a 6 yr old and a 10 month old.  My whole family (parents and two brothers with children) live here.  My mom is super sad! Is it wrong for me to move my family away from their extended family?  My husband thinks it's no big deal as he moved away from his family 11 yrs ago to come to Canada. He thinks I'm being a baby and that a lot of people travel to different places.  Anyone have experience moving away?

My mom says it`s like an arm is being ripped from her body, but that she will be okay.  Am I making a big mistake? I feel like a terrible mom and daughter, but if I don`t go, I know my marriage will suffer if not end. I love my husband, but he is a bit selfish and honestly thinks this is a good move. It IS a dream job for him, the weather is SO MUCH nicer and the area has great schools, but is that more important than having cousing and grandparents close by to love my children???

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT!!!

Thank you,

Shannon 

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
katiebug840204
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:51 AM
We moved from Ga to Florida last August. We weren't really close to our family there so it wasn't so bad. I do miss my job and church though. I miss them ALOT!

And I know we didn't move as far as you will be but it's still far enough.
Buggy979
by Danette on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this
It will be the hardest thing you will ever do but if this is a great opportunity then you have to take that leap. You can visit, they can visit. Skype is available too. Where in California?
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HIJKLM
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:55 AM
2 moms liked this
IMO the family I made is my priority. I did move away from my family and my job for DHs job. I don't regret it.

If you think not going will hurt your relationship you need to decide wether your family or the family you made is more important. I don't think your DH is being selfish, it sounds like he is trying to do what's best for his family. It sounds like you want what makes you happier.
Reina13
by Gold Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Hi Shannon. Welcome to the group.

No, you are not being a baby. It is natural to feel sad and apprehensive about something as life changing as a move like this.

Of course your extended family is going to be sad, but you have to do what is best for your family now.

It sounds like it is a really good move and will be beneficial for you all in the long run. Good luck with it all.


sxylilmom
by Supergirl on Mar. 31, 2014 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I moved 4 hours from my family and I am super close to them. My mom is selfish and pretty much blamed my husband. We are about to move even further. My advice is ... You do what you have to for your family. It's hard but you make it work. Embrace a new chapter and experience.
Carmela73
by New Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:01 PM

Hi Shannon,

You are so lucky that the job prospect is in such a warm climate and not somewhere cold.  This could be such a wonderful adventure.  There is such a big beutiful world to see and you are being handed this wonderful opportuntiy so why not go for it?  I would  and I will!  My husband has a job lined up in Michigan and we are from Ontario too.  I would be leaving my sisters and all my neices and nephews not to mention parents and friends and a wonderful home and school life for the kiddies.  But I told my husband that I will go wherever he wants and that the decision is all his.  The reoson I am so easygoing about it is that I crave new life experiences for me and my kids and moving to the US would open up more doors for my kids education wise.  I am board of my life here too.  I feel like there is more purpose for me and that I have merely scratched the surface of my life. 

Good Luck!

artistmom889
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:02 PM
3 moms liked this

 Just my input:

Your husband and what's best for your kids need to be a priority, , that doesn't mean you stop loving your mother, or anyone else..

That said, In my own experience I moved two states away frm home to get married.  My mother and I still communicate A LOT. (thanks to technology) but what was really,, really hard was  that 3 years ago my Dad was dying of cancer and I couldn't be there in is last days.

My  advice:  Move if you feel the need but use all the resources you have to keep in touch and go home as often as possible.

Molimomma
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband is in the Air Force. Moving away from my mom was the worst/hardest part. She and I lived together until I was 26 then she moved up to VA why I stayed in FL. About a year later I married my husband and had to move to NM which I HATED but we weren't going to be there forever so I accepted it. Now we are in San Antonio, TX and I LOVE it. I love our house, the weather, everything. The only thing that would make it better would be if my mom lived here too! Honestly though you can't live in a location simply because your family does. I would love for my son to live near his cousins but they now live in AZ because my SIL had to move for her job. There are no guarantees ANYONE will live in the same place forever. Your brothers may need to move for their jobs, life happens, things change. It will be ok. Just plan visits, send cards and letters, keep up the relationships up long distance. It's not the same but you will survive!

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:16 PM

Shannon I think that's unfair to say! If it'll benefit your family as a whole then I think you should support him and roll with it.

I'm not good at answering this question about moving away my dad was army,my husband was Air force&he still works for the USAF and even as a civillian we have moved.

Quoting ShannonOrtiz:

. I love my husband, but he is a bit selfish and honestly thinks this is a good move

Thank you,

Shannon 


ShannonOrtiz
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 12:16 PM


Quoting Carmela73:

Hi Shannon,

You are so lucky that the job prospect is in such a warm climate and not somewhere cold.  This could be such a wonderful adventure.  There is such a big beutiful world to see and you are being handed this wonderful opportuntiy so why not go for it?  I would  and I will!  My husband has a job lined up in Michigan and we are from Ontario too.  I would be leaving my sisters and all my neices and nephews not to mention parents and friends and a wonderful home and school life for the kiddies.  But I told my husband that I will go wherever he wants and that the decision is all his.  The reoson I am so easygoing about it is that I crave new life experiences for me and my kids and moving to the US would open up more doors for my kids education wise.  I am board of my life here too.  I feel like there is more purpose for me and that I have merely scratched the surface of my life. 

Good Luck!

I feel the same; however my mom is making me feel guilty about that saying that I just want to have exciting experiences and that I am not looking out for my children since I would be taking them away form the people who love them.  I have been super attached to my mom my whole life. I am freaking out, but a part of me thinks this is awesome as well!  Thank you for your response.

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