Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Need opinions! How long do you date before it becomes a relationship??

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:07 AM
  • 28 Replies
I have been dating the same man exclusively for almost 7 months. To be clear we are both only seeing each other. When we have talked about it he says he isnt ready for an actual GF and what's wrong with just dating?

I guess there is nothing wrong with it, but I cant help but think that he is not making the commitment so that if/when something happens or changes it will be easier to cut ties.

There is a slightly complicated back story. We both have children. He has been separated from his wife for a bit more than two years and is just finishing up the divorce. In those yrs he fell in love with his best friend of many years. She was killed in a car accident shortly after they began a relationship.

He tells me I am too young for him (Im 25 he's 37) and he will mess us up eventually. The age does not bother me at all. We have a huge group of mutual friends of all ages. Its not any issue really, to me.

So do I just let it ride and see what happens? Pull back and see of I'm worth him coming after?

Oh and yes I have very strong feelings for him... I would be really hurt if we stopped dating. He has said he has strong feeling for me too.
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:07 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
luvlivelaugh13
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:10 AM
Oh goodness... sorry for all the typos! I'm mobile and it was not working well for me!
luvlivelaugh13
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:21 AM
Bump
babyspots17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:23 AM
2 moms liked this

Honestly I would be getting out of what ever it is you are in.  If he decides after time that he is ready and wants to be in a "relationship" with you then that is great if it is still what you want but I would not allow myself to be in this limbo you are in.  You say you have feelings for him and he supposedly has feelings for you but that seems like a lot to process for him and like he isn't ready for all that.  I would worry about you and you getting hurt in this whole situation. 

luvlivelaugh13
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:28 AM
I know I'll be hurt at this point if it ends. The limbo really sucks. We spend a lot of time together but its like he falls back on the "we arent a couple" thing when its convient for him. I get he has a lot he seems unsure of and needs to process. But do I give up and maybe one day he will come back ready? Scary thought is he wont :/ but then it is what it is right?

Quoting babyspots17:

Honestly I would be getting out of what ever it is you are in.  If he decides after time that he is ready and wants to be in a "relationship" with you then that is great if it is still what you want but I would not allow myself to be in this limbo you are in.  You say you have feelings for him and he supposedly has feelings for you but that seems like a lot to process for him and like he isn't ready for all that.  I would worry about you and you getting hurt in this whole situation. 

babyspots17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:41 AM

I personally think 7mths is  a long time to be in whatever it is your in with out discussing the future especially when you have feelings for him.  I can understand why you wouldn't want to give up what you have but I would be more concerned with letting the relationship continue the way it is and getting even more emotionally involved especially because you both have children.  I wouldn't pressure him but I would let him know what your thinking and what you want and just give him some space to figure out what he wants too.  

Quoting luvlivelaugh13: I know I'll be hurt at this point if it ends. The limbo really sucks. We spend a lot of time together but its like he falls back on the "we arent a couple" thing when its convient for him. I get he has a lot he seems unsure of and needs to process. But do I give up and maybe one day he will come back ready? Scary thought is he wont :/ but then it is what it is right?
Quoting babyspots17:

Honestly I would be getting out of what ever it is you are in.  If he decides after time that he is ready and wants to be in a "relationship" with you then that is great if it is still what you want but I would not allow myself to be in this limbo you are in.  You say you have feelings for him and he supposedly has feelings for you but that seems like a lot to process for him and like he isn't ready for all that.  I would worry about you and you getting hurt in this whole situation. 


alc4evermom
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:44 AM
That guy has baggage, and he has no problem sleeping with yo, but you're too young for a relationship? That's unfair to you.
insanemomof4
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:48 AM
I can only speak from my own personal experience. I met my bf now hubby in Feb of 1996 and by June of that year we were engaged. 2 months later in August we moved in together. We got pregnant in the early part of 1997 then had a miscarriage and then went on to have 4 more kids. We just celebrated our anniversary this past Feb and have been together 17yrs and married 14. And our kids are now 11,13,15,17.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
connie45
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2014 at 11:50 AM
2 moms liked this

He's just not that into you.  I know you want to hear "He's just scared, give it time..." Bullshit.

He wants to keep his options open.  So should you.  

You are young.  Find a guy without children and an ex-wife.  They still exist.

Do not waste anymore time showing him or proving to him - that you are the ONE.

Please dear girl - it's OK if you are not the one for him  - because is is NOT the one for you.

luvlivelaugh13
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 12:16 PM
You said it! We have allllll the aspects of a relationship but not an actual relationship. His kids and mine just love each other too. It's like I'm in pretty deep and dont know how to either move forward or get out :/

Quoting alc4evermom: That guy has baggage, and he has no problem sleeping with yo, but you're too young for a relationship? That's unfair to you.
luvlivelaugh13
by on Apr. 2, 2014 at 12:17 PM
That's a big issue right there... our kids... they love each other. His adore me and mine him. I hope that no mattet what happens we stay close. I dont think its fair to the kids either at this point :/

Quoting babyspots17:

I personally think 7mths is  a long time to be in whatever it is your in with out discussing the future especially when you have feelings for him.  I can understand why you wouldn't want to give up what you have but I would be more concerned with letting the relationship continue the way it is and getting even more emotionally involved especially because you both have children.  I wouldn't pressure him but I would let him know what your thinking and what you want and just give him some space to figure out what he wants too.  

Quoting luvlivelaugh13: I know I'll be hurt at this point if it ends. The limbo really sucks. We spend a lot of time together but its like he falls back on the "we arent a couple" thing when its convient for him. I get he has a lot he seems unsure of and needs to process. But do I give up and maybe one day he will come back ready? Scary thought is he wont :/ but then it is what it is right?

Quoting babyspots17:

Honestly I would be getting out of what ever it is you are in.  If he decides after time that he is ready and wants to be in a "relationship" with you then that is great if it is still what you want but I would not allow myself to be in this limbo you are in.  You say you have feelings for him and he supposedly has feelings for you but that seems like a lot to process for him and like he isn't ready for all that.  I would worry about you and you getting hurt in this whole situation. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)