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MIL, SD, and bras... Small Update...

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:06 AM
  • 28 Replies

 So, my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 8 years old.  DH and I have been together since SD was 5 months old.  BM and DH have not always gotten along about SD, but lately things are getting better. 

Anyway, BM uses MIL as a free babysitter for SD and her other daughter often.  DH did NOT like this, but whatever.  At least he gets to talk to SD sometimes and see how she is.  We live 40 minutes from BM and MIL, and his work schedule varies, so he can't get her all those times a sitter is needed.  It's ok having someone we know and who is in the family looking after SD. 

SD comes over last night in a bra.  She just turned 8 two days ago, and she is NOT developing breasts or anything of the sort.  DH and BM have already both made it known that they DO NOT want SD in a bra of any sort.  MIL feels she needs one "because she'll be going into 3rd grade" soon.  That's it.  DH sent her a text last night telling her NO more bras.  She sent one back saying "She needs one.  She'll be in 3rd grade next year.  Stay out of it and go back to your video games.  This isn't about YOU."  Ok, WTF? 

Whose kid is this anyway!?  I thought, as parents, BM and DH should be making those choices for her, not MIL.  I, BM, and DH are all very livid.  This is something we all agree on in this situation, and I hate that DH's own mother is putting him through this.  He's so upset.  He told SD not to put on another bra until her mother tells her it is time to.  She is not to listen to MIL when she is at her house, and she tells her to put one on, and if she has a problem with that, she can call him.  Was he wrong to tell her that?  I'm so sick of his freaking family.  They are crappy people...  :(

 

 

So, I'm on facebook checking out profiles, and I run across the two following quotes about DH...  Anyone got any advice how to handle these?  They're MIL's husband, DH's stepdad.

One day I'll walk away and not tell you how I feel. BUT TODAY AINT THE DAY!!! Some people are just dickheads that think the world revovles around them. Grow the hell up, and NEVER walk away from me when you get me pissed you'll want to see whats coming!!!  On April 3rd...

I'm so pissed off!!! Can't understand how a man can put his foolish pride over the feelings of their 8 year-old child. You really need to grow up and remember THATS MY GRANDDAUGHTER AND WHEN YOU HURT HER I HURT YOU!!! I will do time over her dont even think I wont.  Yesterday...

by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pinkiebabii
by Jennie on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:13 AM
I like how you said whose kid is it anyway and that you are livid.... She isn't your kid either!
I agree with MIL third grade is a good time to get a bra so her breast buds arent super noticeable when she starts developing which will be very soon most likely.
pinkiebabii
by Jennie on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:14 AM
Posted too quick. And yes he was wrong for telling SD that he is saying to not have respect for her main caretaker.
Elle.tea.22
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:19 AM
I think you should but out and if this kid can't respect her grandmas wishes (maybe the grandma thinks she's showing through some clothes) in her home, your dh and BM need to find other daycare arangements.
polkaspots
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:23 AM
1 mom liked this
But she's not trying to make the decision for the kid's parents like her mil is. She's just mad about it. I didn't wear a bra until the sixth grade and that was only to cover my nipples when I changed for gym. I didn't even get little buds for another two years after that.

Quoting pinkiebabii: I like how you said whose kid is it anyway and that you are livid.... She isn't your kid either!
I agree with MIL third grade is a good time to get a bra so her breast buds arent super noticeable when she starts developing which will be very soon most likely.
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polkaspots
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:24 AM
Your mil seems confused about where she falls in the decision making process. What does the kid want to do? Does she want to wear a bra?
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SarahlovesLiz
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:26 AM

 Allow me to clarify.  Grandma is NOT her main caretaker.  Only BM uses her to babysit.  When she's here, she does not need a sitter at all.  He only told her to not put on the bras, not that she didn't have to listen to her about anything else in the home while she's there.  Yes, I'm livid that she is being this way to DH.  She has no right.  She is not the child's parent.  DH and BM are, and they BOTH do not agree with giving her a bra.  She is not developing at all.  If she were, it'd be a bit different.  That decision, though, should be her mother's, not MIL.  I am mad about the way MIL continues to treat DH. 

SarahlovesLiz
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:27 AM

 No, the child does not want to wear one.  She is just doing so because MIL tells her she's fat, she's developing, she needs one, everyone will make fun of her if she doesn't wear one, etc.  She is none of those things.  It's just ridiculous, and SD has serious body issues now, to the point of trying to NOT eat, because of it all.  It's sickening.

Quoting polkaspots: Your mil seems confused about where she falls in the decision making process. What does the kid want to do? Does she want to wear a bra?

 

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:28 AM
IMO only mom should be taking DD bra shopping. In fact I posted about this a few months ago in another group. My exSIL, who sees my kids very little, bought my 12yo (now 13) DD a hot pink bra at Christmas. There was no need for it since she hasn't started developing. For now DD wears tank tops/camis under her shirts. When the time comes I will be the one taking her shopping for a bra.
polkaspots
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:31 AM
Then it sounds like the bra is only one problem. The bigger issue is her parents allowing such a toxic person to be in her life. I would be cutting anyone out of my life if they spoke to my kid like that.

Quoting SarahlovesLiz:

 No, the child does not want to wear one.  She is just doing so because MIL tells her she's fat, she's developing, she needs one, everyone will make fun of her if she doesn't wear one, etc.  She is none of those things.  It's just ridiculous, and SD has serious body issues now, to the point of trying to NOT eat, because of it all.  It's sickening.


Quoting polkaspots: Your mil seems confused about where she falls in the decision making process. What does the kid want to do? Does she want to wear a bra?

 

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pinkiebabii
by Jennie on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:32 AM
2 moms liked this
She shouldn't be left in MILs care. This isn't a problem of over stepping boundaries. She is bullying the girl and obviously causing emotional damage!
The biggest problem here is definitely not the bra but no one is seeing past it.


Quoting SarahlovesLiz:

 No, the child does not want to wear one.  She is just doing so because MIL tells her she's fat, she's developing, she needs one, everyone will make fun of her if she doesn't wear one, etc.  She is none of those things.  It's just ridiculous, and SD has serious body issues now, to the point of trying to NOT eat, because of it all.  It's sickening.


Quoting polkaspots: Your mil seems confused about where she falls in the decision making process. What does the kid want to do? Does she want to wear a bra?

 

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