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My head is spinning out of control.... :/

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 2:22 AM
  • 28 Replies

My husband asked me for a divorce back on Jan 28th.  He said he don't love me any more and hes unhappy.   I felt blind sided but I asked him to try and work on it and go to counseling with me.  He agreed we would try.  We went twice to counseling went on dates and continued to have sex up till...  Two weeks ago he went offshore and I went to a funeral in another state.  He came home before I did and when I got back he said he tried as much as he could and he wants a divorce.   I was in shock but I said ok.  I did ask him to answer me one question.  He said ok.  I asked him if he has been talking to another woman.  He said yes.   He wont tell me who it was, where she is from, or if its a old friend.  Said it dont matter.   He has since changed all passwords to his computer, phone, phone bill, everything!!  Im still in just disbelief.  He also said he is no longer talking to her.

I have done everything possible to try and understand what happen.  My question is..  How do I get over him.  I just want all these feelings to stop and go away.  

 

He does not want to work things out.  He will not go to counseling.  He is not even willing to talk about the situation.  He just keeps saying he is done and that he wants a divorce.   We talk and are able to get along for the most part since we are living still in the same house.  I just want to stop trying to fix it and move on.  I don't know how do this.  :/  I just want to move on and turn the love I have for him off.    Can anyone offer advice?   I tried to go out with friends this weekend and the only thing I did was get tipsy and call him crying.  That just adds to the issues he wants nothing to do with me.   Everytime I ask him to just talk to me he gets mad and upset. 

How do I turn all these feelings off like he did and walk away??? 

 

 

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 2:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 2:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry.... I don't have any advice but I am so sorry...

Constant_Reader
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 6:50 AM
Time. Everything takes time. Have you started divorce work? Find something to look forward to and work towards it. Like maybe...finding a place away from him or helping him find a place? Might put you in a better spot mentally to move forward.
mlg1989
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 6:58 AM
1 mom liked this
You can't. It takes time to move on, just gotta force yourself to go with it. Maybe find a new hobby like yoga to relieve extra stress to come and to clear your mind.
Good luck.
*hugs*
butterflyofnite
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 6:59 AM
I'm not even sure. I work for lawyers and they keep telling me the worst advice. I just want the feelings to go away. I really do know and understand it takes time. Its just so hard. :/

Quoting Constant_Reader: Time. Everything takes time. Have you started divorce work? Find something to look forward to and work towards it. Like maybe...finding a place away from him or helping him find a place? Might put you in a better spot mentally to move forward.
Constant_Reader
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:08 AM
Good luck!!
{Hugs}


Quoting butterflyofnite: I'm not even sure. I work for lawyers and they keep telling me the worst advice. I just want the feelings to go away. I really do know and understand it takes time. Its just so hard. :/

Quoting Constant_Reader: Time. Everything takes time. Have you started divorce work? Find something to look forward to and work towards it. Like maybe...finding a place away from him or helping him find a place? Might put you in a better spot mentally to move forward.
butterflyofnite
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 7:14 AM
Thank you!
I'm gonna start a gym today after work. I used to work out at home but I think joining a gym will help get my mind off being at home.
Even tho he works offshore it's when he's home it gets hard seeing him here.


Quoting Constant_Reader: Good luck!!
{Hugs}


Quoting butterflyofnite: I'm not even sure. I work for lawyers and they keep telling me the worst advice. I just want the feelings to go away. I really do know and understand it takes time. Its just so hard. :/

Quoting Constant_Reader: Time. Everything takes time. Have you started divorce work? Find something to look forward to and work towards it. Like maybe...finding a place away from him or helping him find a place? Might put you in a better spot mentally to move forward.
lorelei10
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry, I will be praying for you. 

Bmat
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:11 AM

I am sorry. This is terrible.   My first advice would be to get a lawyer and protect your rights. Be sure that you are able to support your children.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve, it is a death of a kind- the death of your marriage and dreams. You are strong, and you will pull through this.

edited to add. I see that you work for lawyers and that you are getting bad advice. You do need to protect your assets, so may a different law practice?

dingysfamily
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 11:19 AM
3 moms liked this

Get a good divorce lawyer first off.  As for the feelings, it is going to take time;  you can't just turn them off and I doubt he did either.  One piece of advice, DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE EITHER.  That will never solve the problem of getting over him.  Let your heart heal naturally.  I don't know if you are a person of faith, but I hope you have God in your life; He can help you get through this.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  Another thing, one of you needs to move out; living together in the same house isn't helping matters.

VickyJoJo
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 1:54 PM

It is impossible to turn feelings off like a faucet.  It will take time to move on and you need to allow yourself time to grieve.   Consider looking into divorce support groups (some areas have them).  Get a divorce lawyer.  As another poster has said, you need to protect your assets and file for temporary orders of custody and child support to protect yourself legally.  Good luck to you.

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