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how to do this...(SD doesnt want to see her mom)

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 2:28 PM
  • 9 Replies


How does this work.  Sd has not seen BM since the end of Sept.  She has no interest in it.  SD will be 15 this summer.  BM has not tried either. They have spoken once on the phone and gotten into a few texting wars on my phone.  No card or call at Christmas. Nothing.  So DH got a phone call today that her CS which right is 180 (that she does not pay) will be going up 30.00 AND they will be adding in medical insurance. which is another 100.00.  But i told DH since our kids our on it just ask for 15.00 of the medical.  So her CS will be going up to a whopping 225ish.  The hearing through the AG will be at the end of this month.  When BM finds out she is going to loose it.  And I believe she is going to try and start forcingg SD with her.Just because she feels she "pays" for her. Which she doesnt. Heres the thing.  They are moving to another state in 2 months which will be 22 hours ago.  SD has stated she refuses to go.  We do not have the money to hire a attorney to get everything in writing.  But if BM does try to take SD (even thought its been 7 months) what can we do?  Can SD speak to a judge?  How much does this cost?  Is there a cheap way to do this but still have her interest looked out for? 

*I am in Texas. 

*DH has had custody since SD was 1. 

*BM has never truly been in the picture, but has if that makes since. 

*DH erased 13k of bake CS about 4 years ago

*we have done everything to build their relationship but BM keeps ruining it

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by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 2:28 PM
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Replies (1-9):
mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 2:54 PM

BUMP!

Molimomma
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 3:17 PM

I don't know anything for sure but I can you from my own experience. My parents split later, I was 12 but when I was in high school I hardly ever went to visit my non-custodial parent. I think by the time I was a Junior I never went at all but even before that we were not honoring the divorce decree. My father paid most of his CS but not all up until I was 18 as ordered. I know when they went to court originally my dad tried to take us and the judge straight up told him, once the child us over the age of 10 or 12 they can speak directly with the judge and say who they want to live with if it comes to that and since your SD is already 15 I can't imagine a judge would force her to visit against her will. If the BM takes you to court she may have to go and speak up for herself in court and you may want to let her know that. Also, I think you can get a child advocate for the court who will speak up specifically for the child's rights and express what they want (or don't want) when it comes to custody and visitation. All of this varies by state of course so you would have to look into what are your SDs rights for where you are but it's highly unlikely they would force a child that clues becoming of age, particularly since BM is not very involved. I'm sorry fir your SD, I know exactly what it is like to have a parent choose not to acknowledge you or pay much attention unless it's about money and not wanting to pay. I pretty much wrote my father out of my life when he forgot my birthday. I figured if he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge the day I was born I wouldn't be acknowledging him either. Not an easy choice.

mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:23 PM

thank you

Quoting Molimomma:

I don't know anything for sure but I can you from my own experience. My parents split later, I was 12 but when I was in high school I hardly ever went to visit my non-custodial parent. I think by the time I was a Junior I never went at all but even before that we were not honoring the divorce decree. My father paid most of his CS but not all up until I was 18 as ordered. I know when they went to court originally my dad tried to take us and the judge straight up told him, once the child us over the age of 10 or 12 they can speak directly with the judge and say who they want to live with if it comes to that and since your SD is already 15 I can't imagine a judge would force her to visit against her will. If the BM takes you to court she may have to go and speak up for herself in court and you may want to let her know that. Also, I think you can get a child advocate for the court who will speak up specifically for the child's rights and express what they want (or don't want) when it comes to custody and visitation. All of this varies by state of course so you would have to look into what are your SDs rights for where you are but it's highly unlikely they would force a child that clues becoming of age, particularly since BM is not very involved. I'm sorry fir your SD, I know exactly what it is like to have a parent choose not to acknowledge you or pay much attention unless it's about money and not wanting to pay. I pretty much wrote my father out of my life when he forgot my birthday. I figured if he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge the day I was born I wouldn't be acknowledging him either. Not an easy choice.


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DaisyRae
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Also you can look into what Texas considers to be parental abandonment. Here its any period of 6 months with the NCP having had NO contact, or paying no support or failing in anyway to maintain a relationship with the child. Definitely look into your SD being able to tell the judge she doesn't want to be around her BM as well.
mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:38 PM


Quoting DaisyRae: Also you can look into what Texas considers to be parental abandonment. Here its any period of 6 months with the NCP having had NO contact, or paying no support or failing in anyway to maintain a relationship with the child. Definitely look into your SD being able to tell the judge she doesn't want to be around her BM as well.

I looked into that and from what I can tell... unfortunetly Texas does not have any laws like that.  BM has contact with me.  I dont know if that would make a difference on this.  But her contact is NOT about SD.  She thinks of me as her best friend.  I keep the water smooth or as smooth as possible.


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MonsterBear
by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 5:46 PM

If you guys have full custody- then there is nothing her bio-mom can do... if she choices to move, that is her decision... Plus- your SD is well old enough to make up her own mind on these matters. I'm not sure what the "legal" age is- but no court is gonna side with bio-mom if she moves and tried to take her daughter since her Dad has full parental custody and would ask SD what she wants anyway.

My hubby has had full custody of his oldest since she was 2yrs- he has ALL parental rights- medical and such. His ex only has minimal visitation (when it suited her)- and when it was reassesed (due to issues SD had at her BM house) my SD was around 14yrs- the courts just said it was her call whether she still even wanted overnight visits-- we allowed it, if she wanted to go, but never forced her to do anything she didn't want to do.

I'm sure all will be fine hun- sounds like she's got a good home life you you guys... I can't imagine that would change. Just make sure you document how long it's been since she visited and all (if any) contact she's had directly with your SD. Best of luck! :)

ElizabethGracie
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 5:52 PM

When my parents divorced,my oldest brother was 16 and the judge said that he couldn't be forced to go visit our dad if he didn't want to. The issue never arose because we all had a good relationship with our dad but I remember the judge saying that kids over the age of 12 could choose who they wanted to live with.

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mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 7:02 PM
I spoke with a atty today: basically she said its pointless to take our money right now. Bm cant force sd. Dh needs to make available but if sd doesnt want to go we cant make her. She said that even if she called the cops they wont force her. Bm would have to take dh to court. At That point she would be hired to help us but said still a no brainer case basically. Sd would speak with a judge snd in our county the judges usually do what 13 and up want to do. So it would be a waste for her. She said dh wont get into trouble for not dragging her out by her ear st 14\15 to go see a mother with whom she has issues with. Shes practically a adult.

So this made me feel much better
Island_mama3
by Member on Apr. 13, 2014 at 1:20 PM
Go to court file papers on behalf of SD & knowing that SD is 15 she is old enough 2 go I front of judge & state that she doesn't want 2 be with BM & the judge will ask SD on what grounds & she will have 2 date her case & they will make a ruling of that! They can't force anyone 2 be somewhere they don't wanna be! SD just needs 2 figure out where she is better cared for & where she gets physical & mental plus emotional support from! The negative attitude that BM puts out can cause a lot of emotional distress for SD! Just let her know that u are there 2 support her & that u wanna help!
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