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I don't feel bad, and sometimes I feel guilty.

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:19 PM
  • 4 Replies
The last time I was on cm me ex and I were going through a nasty divorce and custody battle. That was 3 years ago. I took my ex and I two years to come to an agreement and start getting along for the sake of our boys.
I have the boys Wednesdays-Friday, he comes and gets around 6:00pm on Fridays, and they sleep over. He brings them back Saturdays at 12pm, and he picks them back up on Monday mornings.
At first it was hard because the boys would cry that they didn't want to go with daddy. Then they would cry they didn't want to come back home to mommy. That was the only hard part for both their father and I. I wasn't worried about their well being, my ex doesn't drink, smoke, so drugs, he's not abusive, he's a great father to our boys.
After the boys got used to having two homes, there is no crying anymore. They just say "Don't worry mom, I'll be back tomorrow"
Knowing that my boys aren't kicking and screaming when they go with their dad, I actually enjoy my time away from the kids. That makes me feel guilty.
My dh and I go out on Friday nights, or have a fun night at home. I can sleep in on Saturdays and wake up at 10 or 11 am. Dh is a Chef so his day off is on Monday. I wake up early and make breakfast for the boys, get them ready for school, and wait for their dad to pick them up. After that dh and I either spend the entire day doing nothing or we go out all day, or have dinner with friends. Tuesdays is usually my laundry day and deep cleaning day. And Wednesday I go out with my BFF we have breakfast, get our nails done or our eyebrows done until 3:30pm where I'm back on mommy duty.
I have been a working mom, I've been a full time SAHM. I know how hard it is. I know it's stressful, and we become irritable and the lack of sleep makes us crazy. I have a friend that's a SAHM and a friend that is a working mom, and they're always tired. I don't feel bad about having to share custody with my ex. I don't worry about it because he's a great dad, and would never put our boys lives at risk. That man loves our boys more than life itself. I enjoy having my time away from the boys, I feel it makes me a better mom and wife. My ex has said the same thing, he's a better person less stressed. But it makes me feel guilty sometimes, seeing my friends struggle and stress to keep their marriages together, their families, having no time for themselves. I offer to babysit, they usually take me up on my offer once a month.
My boys are happier, both my ex and I are happier. We are better parents with this arrangement. Both my dh and my ex's wife are happy. Does anyone have a similar situation?
by on Apr. 26, 2014 at 1:19 PM
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Replies (1-4):
by on Apr. 27, 2014 at 12:24 PM

Welcome back. I have never been in this situation but I think it is amazing that you and your ex  have come to terms that work for your families and most importantly your children.

I don't think you should feel guilty about enjoying time to yourself. We as parents all need time to ourselves. Your children are well taken care of and loved, that is all that matters.  

by Trica on Apr. 27, 2014 at 4:15 PM
Sorry no experience. It seems like you ate trying to handle it the best way you know how.
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 6:56 AM

Hey dont feel guilty, all moms need that time! And i agree with u it makes us better moms, because we are not always stressed out. tomorrow i plan to put ds to Mil so i can deep clean the house, and those 3 hours of being away a little, will make a huge difference, i usually feel recharged again!:)

by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 8:53 AM

I'm glad that you have found a way to make things work for you. I've never been in your situation but I've seen children who suffer because their parents couldn't come to a decent custody agreement that works for their kids. I'm glad you have that.

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