Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

I don't know what to do now...

Posted by on May. 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM
  • 18 Replies

DH and I have been on the verge of divorce.  We are in therapy, but have gotten to a place where we act normal and even have fun together but nothing is fixed.  He isn't sure he wants to try to fix anything.  I am lost now though and don't know wha to do...

Yesterday my DH made my Mother's Day beautiful and memorable.  We have been on the rocks and yesterday was great.  There was just one problem. Everytime I tried to hold his hand, flirt with him, or be affectionate, he rejected me.  It was like we were BEST FRIENDS all day and that part was so much fun, but at the end of the day was his reminder that he is not ready to move forward with me.  

He has stated through therapy that he has felt as though i never really loved him, and ever since I have been trying to show him that I really truly do and always have.  I have read the 5 love languages, I figured out his love language, I am trying to use that.  I have done about a million things to try to get the affection back, and I always end up feeling hurt and rejected.  Now I feel like I AM the least important thing to him.  I am sad.  He is uninterested in trying to get things on track between us, but still seems happy to "hang out" as friends.and that makes me feel awful.  I have been the one trying for months now, when do I get to be loved?  I go along, trying to show him how I feel, then I get really confident that things are going well so I go in for a hug or kiss and end up feeling hurt at the end of it because I get nothing in return.  Then I pull myself back together and it starts all over again.  He has stopped going to therapy. We went for 2 mohths. i am still going and still askin ghim to join me.

What should I do? Talking doesn't work with him, he doesn't hear me.  I could write to him, maybe he would read it.  I could just stop trying and see where that gets us. He seems to need a jolt.  

Or I could leave him, but I would hate that.  I do still love him and our little family, but I am not stupid and won't just stay like this forever. I just don't think I am at the point of leaving yet.  But I am at the point of not knowing what to do now.

by on May. 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Gardeningmom4
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2014 at 4:02 PM

Sounds like he doesn't really love you and is just making excuses.If he really loved you he wouldn't have stopped therapy.Him acting all nice than cold is nothing more than a cruel mind game because he most likely wants to divorce you but doesn't want too be the one to file.He is waiting for you to file so he can make you look like the bad guy.I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating.I suggest down loading a key stroke app onto his phone and the computer he uses to see what he has been up too.

Bwebb
by Member on May. 13, 2014 at 7:51 AM

This has definitely crossed my mind.  I already checked him out in various ways.  Couldn't find any signs of cheating.  I am not dumb and I know that doesn't mean it can't be the case, and my radar is already up in that area, but so far no sign of it.  And listen to this - yesterday he went to a solo session with our counsellor that I didn't even know about (he told me afterwards) and he set up a couples session for us on Wednesday.  Wa super wonderful and nice last night.  But still no affection.  I am more confused than ever.  

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

Sounds like he doesn't really love you and is just making excuses.If he really loved you he wouldn't have stopped therapy.Him acting all nice than cold is nothing more than a cruel mind game because he most likely wants to divorce you but doesn't want too be the one to file.He is waiting for you to file so he can make you look like the bad guy.I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating.I suggest down loading a key stroke app onto his phone and the computer he uses to see what he has been up too.


Gardeningmom4
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 8:03 AM

I think I would set up my own solo session with the counselor and speak about how he is acting and how it makes you feel.Unless somehow he is cheating with the counselor I don't know unless you can afford a pi or something.

Quoting Bwebb:

This has definitely crossed my mind.  I already checked him out in various ways.  Couldn't find any signs of cheating.  I am not dumb and I know that doesn't mean it can't be the case, and my radar is already up in that area, but so far no sign of it.  And listen to this - yesterday he went to a solo session with our counsellor that I didn't even know about (he told me afterwards) and he set up a couples session for us on Wednesday.  Wa super wonderful and nice last night.  But still no affection.  I am more confused than ever.  

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

Sounds like he doesn't really love you and is just making excuses.If he really loved you he wouldn't have stopped therapy.Him acting all nice than cold is nothing more than a cruel mind game because he most likely wants to divorce you but doesn't want too be the one to file.He is waiting for you to file so he can make you look like the bad guy.I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating.I suggest down loading a key stroke app onto his phone and the computer he uses to see what he has been up too.


Bwebb
by Member on May. 13, 2014 at 8:08 AM

LOL there is NO chance he is cheating with the counsellor!! OMG, she is old and weird and definitely not at all someone he would ever feel attracted to.  I really don't think there is any cheating going on.  I have checked this out, I am not just saying I blindly don't think he's cheating. It would actually be much easier if he were cheating and not so confusing at all.  Everything would make sense. As it is I just don't have any idea what he is thinking.  I have had many solo sessions and will continue to do so. Thanks for responding!

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

I think I would set up my own solo session with the counselor and speak about how he is acting and how it makes you feel.Unless somehow he is cheating with the counselor I don't know unless you can afford a pi or something.

Quoting Bwebb:

This has definitely crossed my mind.  I already checked him out in various ways.  Couldn't find any signs of cheating.  I am not dumb and I know that doesn't mean it can't be the case, and my radar is already up in that area, but so far no sign of it.  And listen to this - yesterday he went to a solo session with our counsellor that I didn't even know about (he told me afterwards) and he set up a couples session for us on Wednesday.  Wa super wonderful and nice last night.  But still no affection.  I am more confused than ever.  

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

Sounds like he doesn't really love you and is just making excuses.If he really loved you he wouldn't have stopped therapy.Him acting all nice than cold is nothing more than a cruel mind game because he most likely wants to divorce you but doesn't want too be the one to file.He is waiting for you to file so he can make you look like the bad guy.I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating.I suggest down loading a key stroke app onto his phone and the computer he uses to see what he has been up too.



Gardeningmom4
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 8:11 AM

Maybe he is gay than and just never had the courage to say so.I have seen that happen as well.

Quoting Bwebb:

LOL there is NO chance he is cheating with the counsellor!! OMG, she is old and weird and definitely not at all someone he would ever feel attracted to.  I really don't think there is any cheating going on.  I have checked this out, I am not just saying I blindly don't think he's cheating. It would actually be much easier if he were cheating and not so confusing at all.  Everything would make sense. As it is I just don't have any idea what he is thinking.  I have had many solo sessions and will continue to do so. Thanks for responding!

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

I think I would set up my own solo session with the counselor and speak about how he is acting and how it makes you feel.Unless somehow he is cheating with the counselor I don't know unless you can afford a pi or something.

Quoting Bwebb:

This has definitely crossed my mind.  I already checked him out in various ways.  Couldn't find any signs of cheating.  I am not dumb and I know that doesn't mean it can't be the case, and my radar is already up in that area, but so far no sign of it.  And listen to this - yesterday he went to a solo session with our counsellor that I didn't even know about (he told me afterwards) and he set up a couples session for us on Wednesday.  Wa super wonderful and nice last night.  But still no affection.  I am more confused than ever.  

Quoting Gardeningmom4:

Sounds like he doesn't really love you and is just making excuses.If he really loved you he wouldn't have stopped therapy.Him acting all nice than cold is nothing more than a cruel mind game because he most likely wants to divorce you but doesn't want too be the one to file.He is waiting for you to file so he can make you look like the bad guy.I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating.I suggest down loading a key stroke app onto his phone and the computer he uses to see what he has been up too.



Mrs_Franklin
by New Member on May. 13, 2014 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Hi the first thing to do is pray about and pray for him and marriage, ask God to make a change in this , I was having problems with my husband so I prayed for him and our marriage , things started to shift for the best and I also wrote him a prayer to him so when he reads it it's getting into his spirit and that weekend he was with us and being a better husband and father to our daughter and my boys. Don't be discouraged just pray and watch God move in your home. Here is the prayer , Dear Heavenly Father , Thank you for today. Thank you for my marriage, although it is challenging at times. I believe we are stronger together. I pray that my husband and I would grow closer each and every day. Refine us Lord , transform our character, ignite our love for each other, and help us to build up our relationship in Jesus name Amen. So in saying this the enemy likes separation so cover your home in the blood of Jesus. He read this and a change and shifting is happening now I did this 2 weeks ago.
bcauseimthemom
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe you should talk to him about having a poly relationship and you could get a side piece for sex?

Bmat
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2014 at 6:10 PM

He is doing nothing to improve the situation now? The situation seems as though it is unchanging? Consult a lawyer. Perhaps a trial separation.

Bwebb
by Member on May. 14, 2014 at 7:29 AM

wow

lovinlife0429
by on May. 14, 2014 at 7:34 AM
I understand loving him and not wanting to leave. But being with someone who does not love you back in the same way, to me is worse then being alone. Sometimes it becomes selfish to stay with someone, and not set both of you free to experience happiness.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN