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Heroin addict inlaws...im so worn down from fighting over this

Posted by on May. 18, 2014 at 4:33 AM
  • 79 Replies
My Fil is a heroin addict. My dh is constantly asking for me to give his father one more chance to be a grandfather to our kids. I've given him five chances. His dad hates me for keeping him away from our kids. Dh blames me too. He talks to his dad with such a sweet loving voice. I haven't heard him use that voice with me in years. I feel like this is killing my marriage. After all of the fights over this he loves me less and blames me more. It sucks.

Does anyone else have experience with addict inlaws and fights over visiting your kids?
by on May. 18, 2014 at 4:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GirlWithANikon
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2014 at 4:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I have lots of addicts in my family. What did he do that he can't see the kids ? Does he dip out around them? He's never ok enough for you all to have lunch at a park with the kids ? I believe it possible to have types of relationships with addicts without being abused or brought down or even effected by them. My mom is an alcoholic my kids love her. She's never reckless around them and she doesn't like take them off alone and get drunk around them or anythibg. We hang out at her place, we leave, she drinks multiple boxes of wine. Lol
Adrianne122005
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 4:42 AM
The first time dh picked him up while we were in wa on r&r he was at a dealers house and met dd high as a kite. First time meeting her and he broke my rule. Since then id asked for him to be sober for a couple weeks first. Well now the last two times I saw him he wouldn't speak to me and kept giving me hate states. My 11 year old was extremely uncomfortable.

He doesn't do anything for the kids and doesn't even call consistently on birthdays. It sucks. The kids have no family here except for me and dh so having a half ass three times a year heroin addict for a grandpa does more harm than having no contact with him.

Quoting GirlWithANikon: I have lots of addicts in my family. What did he do that he can't see the kids ? Does he dip out around them? He's never ok enough for you all to have lunch at a park with the kids ? I believe it possible to have types of relationships with addicts without being abused or brought down or even effected by them. My mom is an alcoholic my kids love her. She's never reckless around them and she doesn't like take them off alone and get drunk around them or anythibg. We hang out at her place, we leave, she drinks multiple boxes of wine. Lol
Adrianne122005
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 4:48 AM
Bump
Ashley_719
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 4:51 AM
My in laws are alcoholics. Get home from work and drink until they pass out or end up fighting all night.
When my Ds was born, i made sure we would only visit early before they started drinking. BUT they'd constantly ask to babysit and I was under no circumstances okay with it.
It caused quite a few arguments between DH and I, and between them and us, but he always took my side in front of his parents.
We still don't let them babysit late, or overnight but we let my mil watch him for an hour or so weekend mornings before the drinking starts.
Adrianne122005
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 4:55 AM
Would you still let your baby stay if they were heroin addicts with a history of jail time for manslaughter over a hit and run and theft? Would you still go around them if they wouldn't speak to you over your decision to not let ds stay the night and would give you go to hell looks if you even tried to talk casually with them? This is where I'm at. Dh wants me to go hang out with him and the kids. I don't trust him to show up sober and I don't trust him to be civil.

Quoting Ashley_719: My in laws are alcoholics. Get home from work and drink until they pass out or end up fighting all night.
When my Ds was born, i made sure we would only visit early before they started drinking. BUT they'd constantly ask to babysit and I was under no circumstances okay with it.
It caused quite a few arguments between DH and I, and between them and us, but he always took my side in front of his parents.
We still don't let them babysit late, or overnight but we let my mil watch him for an hour or so weekend mornings before the drinking starts.
Ashley_719
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 5:00 AM
Oh absolutely not. I completely understand where you're coming from! My Dh and I got into SO many arguments because he was trying to get me to let my In laws take Ds overnight and it was NOT happening!
Tell him your Dds safety is more important than any feelings you hurt trying to protect her.


Quoting Adrianne122005: Would you still let your baby stay if they were heroin addicts with a history of jail time for manslaughter over a hit and run and theft? Would you still go around them if they wouldn't speak to you over your decision to not let ds stay the night and would give you go to hell looks if you even tried to talk casually with them? This is where I'm at. Dh wants me to go hang out with him and the kids. I don't trust him to show up sober and I don't trust him to be civil.

Quoting Ashley_719: My in laws are alcoholics. Get home from work and drink until they pass out or end up fighting all night.
When my Ds was born, i made sure we would only visit early before they started drinking. BUT they'd constantly ask to babysit and I was under no circumstances okay with it.
It caused quite a few arguments between DH and I, and between them and us, but he always took my side in front of his parents.
We still don't let them babysit late, or overnight but we let my mil watch him for an hour or so weekend mornings before the drinking starts.
Adrianne122005
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 5:03 AM
I have. I've spun that very truth every way possible. No matter what he is convinced we should give his father endless tries. What hurts the most is he seems to love me less every time this fight happens. I'm trying to protect my kids. He's only out to feed his addict fathers needs. He's not even slightly looking out for the kids.

His parents really screwed him up.

Quoting Ashley_719: Oh absolutely not. I completely understand where you're coming from! My Dh and I got into SO many arguments because he was trying to get me to let my In laws take Ds overnight and it was NOT happening!
Tell him your Dds safety is more important than any feelings you hurt trying to protect her.


Quoting Adrianne122005: Would you still let your baby stay if they were heroin addicts with a history of jail time for manslaughter over a hit and run and theft? Would you still go around them if they wouldn't speak to you over your decision to not let ds stay the night and would give you go to hell looks if you even tried to talk casually with them? This is where I'm at. Dh wants me to go hang out with him and the kids. I don't trust him to show up sober and I don't trust him to be civil.

Quoting Ashley_719: My in laws are alcoholics. Get home from work and drink until they pass out or end up fighting all night.
When my Ds was born, i made sure we would only visit early before they started drinking. BUT they'd constantly ask to babysit and I was under no circumstances okay with it.
It caused quite a few arguments between DH and I, and between them and us, but he always took my side in front of his parents.
We still don't let them babysit late, or overnight but we let my mil watch him for an hour or so weekend mornings before the drinking starts.
jb0520
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2014 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Absolutely not! I agree with you 100% I under no circumstances would let them arrived my kids. High on heroin is extremely uncomfortable for anyone to see, why subject your kids to that? You and your husband need to go to alinon(sp?) And her a counsellor to you could have a third party opinion and get on the same page. He will always love his parents and want them around his kids which clouds his judgement!
Ashley_719
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 5:11 AM
I'm Sorry you have to deal with that..It does suck watching someone you love, still being controlled by their addict family members :/
maybe find a little middle ground? tell DH you'll spend some time with him and try to ignore the death glares, (its kinda a part of having in laws lol) but in no way is he to be alone With your dd.
OR if Dd is old enough, have her tell her dad she doesn't want to be around her grandfather..(if that's the case)
Adrianne122005
by Member on May. 18, 2014 at 5:13 AM
I didn't let him in, it was his grandmothers house, and he did not hold her. It was my husbands job to kick him out if he wasn't sober. Dh failed. I got the blame. The time he made my older daughter uncomfortable was this past Christmas, 6 years after the first incident, and he made her uncomfortable because he was treating me poorly. Dh says he didn't even notice.

I swear this man thinks it's all on me. That every time his family is mean to me it's all in my head. He obviously loves them and is trying to see their best only but why does he have to only see me as the problem? It's so not fair. I wish I had a family to talk about this with.

Quoting jb0520: Absolutely not! I agree with you 100% I under no circumstances would let them arrived my kids. High on heroin is extremely uncomfortable for anyone to see, why subject your kids to that? You and your husband need to go to alinon(sp?) And her a counsellor to you could have a third party opinion and get on the same page. He will always love his parents and want them around his kids which clouds his judgement!
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