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He's nothing to me but a provider! ( Kinda long )

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 7:33 PM
  • 16 Replies

Ok I need to vent and hopefully get some advice. My daughter is struggling really bad right now and I really really need some help. She is 17yrs old almost 18 and has some issues with her bio dad. He has never been apart of her life yet she keeps him up on a pedestal and he seems to never come down even though he is in and out of her life. She wrote him an email today telling him exactly how she feels and where to sh*t in the woods. Ok that said, how do I make my hubby realize he is doing her NO good?? She wants a dad so bad she can taste it. They butt heads like no other. However she is 17 and acts like she is 12. She wont get a job,, has no desire to. She throws tantrums and carries on as if she is deserved the world. All she wants is a dad to love her, act like he loves her, and really truly care about her feelings. I have been blunt with hubby about this but with her attitude and the way she acts it makes it very hard for him to even be remotely nice to her on some days. I am at my wits end and ready to blow. I do not know what to do no more and my family gives me no help cuz my daughter is perfect in their eyes. She does no wrong. Every time hubby does something nice for her she is lovey with him but only when he buys her things any other time she says that my hubby is nothing to her but a provider. Please help... I treat his children as if they are my own. Why cant he do the same?

by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 7:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:18 PM
Bump!
Luke8212013
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry I have no expirience with anything like this. How long have you and your husband been married? Does she still need time to adjust. I remember wen I was 17, that age is hard, he's not her dad..I know you want her to see him that way. But I don't think she ever will. Hopefully the two of them can start getting along. I hope thugs start to get better soon!
ProudNavyWife14
by New Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:46 PM
2 moms liked this
Maybe it's time for a come to Jesus meeting between you and your daughter. Sit her down and tell her that it is in her best interest to sit down and listen up good. He may not be her dad but he is still her parent and so are you and neither of you deserve to be disrespect by your daughter. Make sure she understands very clearly that she has no job so she pays for nothing in that room of hers or that cell phone she's probably got glued to her fingers all the time and let her know just how easily all that can be taken away if her attitude dosent change. She dosent have to like him but she should at least be respectful towards him and you may need to be the bad guy and put your foot down. Hard. That is how I would handle the situation. I grew up in a family where you always respected your parents whether they were biological or not. And if you failed to do so your attitude was corrected quickly.
DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:47 PM
Been together for 9yrs married for 2. You would think they would by now! :( thanks for the reply!

Quoting Luke8212013: I'm sorry I have no expirience with anything like this. How long have you and your husband been married? Does she still need time to adjust. I remember wen I was 17, that age is hard, he's not her dad..I know you want her to see him that way. But I don't think she ever will. Hopefully the two of them can start getting along. I hope thugs start to get better soon!
DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:52 PM
I have spoke to her several times and told her. It's seriously like talking to a wall. A bih issue she calls my mom constantly complaining and my mom takes her side every time and wont listen to anything else. I just duno anymore. Im so done. Thanks for the advice ill try again.

Quoting ProudNavyWife14: Maybe it's time for a come to Jesus meeting between you and your daughter. Sit her down and tell her that it is in her best interest to sit down and listen up good. He may not be her dad but he is still her parent and so are you and neither of you deserve to be disrespect by your daughter. Make sure she understands very clearly that she has no job so she pays for nothing in that room of hers or that cell phone she's probably got glued to her fingers all the time and let her know just how easily all that can be taken away if her attitude dosent change. She dosent have to like him but she should at least be respectful towards him and you may need to be the bad guy and put your foot down. Hard. That is how I would handle the situation. I grew up in a family where you always respected your parents whether they were biological or not. And if you failed to do so your attitude was corrected quickly.
ProudNavyWife14
by New Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:54 PM
It's good that your mom is a big part of her life, you want them to be close. But when it comes to parenting issues that's up to the parents. Not everyone who wants to put their opinion in. I really hope it all works out!

Quoting DallasCowboys81: I have spoke to her several times and told her. It's seriously like talking to a wall. A bih issue she calls my mom constantly complaining and my mom takes her side every time and wont listen to anything else. I just duno anymore. Im so done. Thanks for the advice ill try again.

Quoting ProudNavyWife14: Maybe it's time for a come to Jesus meeting between you and your daughter. Sit her down and tell her that it is in her best interest to sit down and listen up good. He may not be her dad but he is still her parent and so are you and neither of you deserve to be disrespect by your daughter. Make sure she understands very clearly that she has no job so she pays for nothing in that room of hers or that cell phone she's probably got glued to her fingers all the time and let her know just how easily all that can be taken away if her attitude dosent change. She dosent have to like him but she should at least be respectful towards him and you may need to be the bad guy and put your foot down. Hard. That is how I would handle the situation. I grew up in a family where you always respected your parents whether they were biological or not. And if you failed to do so your attitude was corrected quickly.
DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks! I agree when it comes to parentin, my mom needs to stay out. Its trying to get my daughter to understand that also! Thanks I appreciate it!

Quoting ProudNavyWife14: It's good that your mom is a big part of her life, you want them to be close. But when it comes to parenting issues that's up to the parents. Not everyone who wants to put their opinion in. I really hope it all works out!

Quoting DallasCowboys81: I have spoke to her several times and told her. It's seriously like talking to a wall. A bih issue she calls my mom constantly complaining and my mom takes her side every time and wont listen to anything else. I just duno anymore. Im so done. Thanks for the advice ill try again.

Quoting ProudNavyWife14: Maybe it's time for a come to Jesus meeting between you and your daughter. Sit her down and tell her that it is in her best interest to sit down and listen up good. He may not be her dad but he is still her parent and so are you and neither of you deserve to be disrespect by your daughter. Make sure she understands very clearly that she has no job so she pays for nothing in that room of hers or that cell phone she's probably got glued to her fingers all the time and let her know just how easily all that can be taken away if her attitude dosent change. She dosent have to like him but she should at least be respectful towards him and you may need to be the bad guy and put your foot down. Hard. That is how I would handle the situation. I grew up in a family where you always respected your parents whether they were biological or not. And if you failed to do so your attitude was corrected quickly.
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:18 PM
Oh you are in a pickles.
First let their relationship be their own. Don't force or push. Secondly let your daughter figure out on her own about her bio dad. Reassure your daughter it should not be about what step dad can give her in material things. But love and friendship. I am thinking of some more? If I have more, I'love PM you.
DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:22 PM
Told u I was in a pickle! :/

Quoting Hottmomma607: Oh you are in a pickles.
First let their relationship be their own. Don't force or push. Secondly let your daughter figure out on her own about her bio dad. Reassure your daughter it should not be about what step dad can give her in material things. But love and friendship. I am thinking of some more? If I have more, I'love PM you.
XandersMommy10
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:24 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds to me like she needs some one on one time with him, and no offense to you but you need to stop blaming him for his actions toward her. The last sentence in your post reeks of resentment, if you're not careful you will drive a wedge between you and him over this.

The both of you need to be a united front. Don't let her push you around, and if she wont get a job, I guess she will have to start finding her own rides, etc.
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