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when they fight - do you insert yourself or stay silent?

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 8:55 AM
  • 10 Replies

Good Morning All - on Friday afternoon my SD and her father got into a huge fight.  This happens every single weekend.  They yell and scream at each other over the most basic things.  The last Friday it was because she was playing her music exessively loud in the bathroom - teenage girl; however the neighbor in the duplex is going through her 3rd or 4th round of chemo and SD knows this.  Her dad asked her nicely three times to turn down the music, however she could not hear him because it was so loud, so he banged on the bathroom door and raised his voice to have her turn it down and I swear a nuclear bomb went off!  There begins the fight of the weekend!  It seriously impacts me because it is every single weekend that we go through some iteration of this crap.  At this point I believe it is best for me to just stay silent and go outside.  I am in a lose/lose situation.  She is mouthy and disrespectufl and has flat out stated how much she "doesn't care about the neighbor" whom she loved and cared about for the past 6 years; hates it when we spend time with her; hates being asked to do dishes etc.  I am exhausted and not only am I exhausted but when they begin fighting my dogs start to panic and shake.  Is it right for me to remain silent and take my dogs outside, or should I be the rational calm voice of reason between the two of them?  It truly ruined my weekend.  What are your thoughts? 

frustrated

by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Reina13
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 1:15 PM

Oh wow. That is a difficult situation. Why on earth is your husband yelling? He is the adult and I get that she is a teenager but he needs to show control and handle the situation like an adult. She in turns needs to learn to respect your home and those around. Your neighbor could very easily go to the management company or police and file a noise complaint. Your SD needs to be aware of these things. I think sitting down together while everyone is calm and talking it out is a starting point.

Good luck 

MamaBearEH
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 1:19 PM
Awh that sounds very stressful. I would sit down with your SO abd discuss how things are being handled. There is going to be turmoil, but I think a line is crossed when you're to the point of leaving. Obviously what's being done isn't working for anyone.
TCain0001
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 1:53 PM
4 moms liked this

I'd surprise the fuck out of both of them and scream at both of them at the top of my lung,"STFU!  First off--hey jackass, she's a teenager--get over it, they do this shit!....And you, Missy!  Learn to respect other people....you know what's up with the neighbor--you've been taught better, so use your FUCKING manners, turn the music to normal volume, and get over yourself!!!".......then I'd storm out of the house, and leave them both in shock to digest what the hell I just said!............lol

MicheleJM
by Platinum Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 2:32 PM

I think I'd shove both of them outside and tell them don't return until you settle your differences....

BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 2:37 PM
I go through it w my dh and ss. Not screaming but constant back and forth.

I try to be the voice of reason it doesn't work. I personally would just leave. I am startin to do so when ss gets home and it happens again. Unfortunately I have to pack up two girls
And have them come w me.
kimspa68
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 3:11 PM

The action I took today was to write SD a letter.  She doesn't live with me and at 17.5 is glued to her iphone so having a normal dialogue is next to impossible.  I tried to put it into perspective of how it makes ME feel when they are fighting.  I told her that I joined a support group (all of you on here are awesome), and that I was raised with respect and was taught respect by my parents and the US ARMY.  I also pointed out that she would NEVER tolerate me treating her boyfriend the way she treats my soon to be husband (her father).  For those following, I also let her know that I am fully aware of her underage drinking and smoking weed, without blame I simply stated that addiction kills people and relationships.  Now my tummy hurts from the stressful explosion I expect to receive next weekend when I see her.  But I cannot take it any more.  I would rather stay home, alone without my finace than be in the midst of one shitstorm after another every single weekend.  Life is too short!  Oh, and I will give a copy of the letter to my fiance in advance so he knows what I wrote. By tomorrow I will likely be in tears depending on his reaction to my letter.  It is hard to conceive that I am marrying into such a dysfunctional family :(

 

MommyRush
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 3:15 PM
This definitely this

Quoting TCain0001:

I'd surprise the fuck out of both of them and scream at both of them at the top of my lung,"STFU!  First off--hey jackass, she's a teenager--get over it, they do this shit!....And you, Missy!  Learn to respect other people....you know what's up with the neighbor--you've been taught better, so use your FUCKING manners, turn the music to normal volume, and get over yourself!!!".......then I'd storm out of the house, and leave them both in shock to digest what the hell I just said!............lol

erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 4:49 PM

 You are trying to get a 17 year old who isacting out to straighten up?  How about you send her father to parenting classes because i will bet money thats where most of the issue lies if thats how he reacts to her. 

ilovemyson2002
by mom of 2 boys on Jul. 7, 2014 at 7:24 PM

my oldest son and his dad fight alot and i try and tell my oldest to stop but his his keep starting the fight with our son  my son has adhd and odd and delay has a  mind of a 5 - 6 year old  

some times i say something and some time i dont say any thing at all becasue it doesnt do no good it just makes it worse 

rusty2rusty
by New Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 12:29 AM

I have a teenager like that. I say stay out of it otherwise you will be pulled right in the middle of it. Whether your husband and you stick together on the issue or not.

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