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struggling...

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 6:39 AM
  • 19 Replies

So last night my boyfriend casually brings up the fact that he is thinking about selling his 2 guitars. I asked him why and he said because he wants to get rims for the new suv he just bought (mind you, he got this suv with a stupid ass loan from the bank).

He does not use the guitars and cannot really play, so they just sit around not ever being used. However, I've always wanted to learn to play and I always thought it was awesome that he had guitars because I've never had one. I've never made any effort to learn how to play though because they're his guitars and I didn't want to use them and I wasn't going to ask if I could--I always thought they had some special meaning to him, but I guess not. 

Anyways, it really upsets me that he wants to waste money on something stupid like rims. They are completely unncessary. He thinks I'm going to like them and I'll look like a 'cool' mom--frankly, I couldn't care less about rims at this particular time. Would I mind having them? No, I wouldn't mind....but if he is willing to get rid of some of his stuff to gain extra money, why not spend or save that money wisely??? He/we have had several other things he's wanted to buy for quite awhile now---i.e. an electric grill, table/chairs for the balcony, new microwave, I need to get an eye exam and new glasses since mine recently fell out of the stroller onto pavement and got scratched up, entertainment center for the living room, a few other things for the house, and I need a new phone because mine shuts off randomly on me all the time and doesn't work properly--like why isn't he thinking logically???!  Heck, he could sell the guitars and whatever and put that money towards paying off the stupid ass loan he got in order to get our new vehicle!! Duh!! I would've never thought to ask him to sell any of his things in order to get these things we actually NEED, but apparently he is willing to do that to buy something idiodic that's going to cost hundreds of dollars! I'm seriously sooo angry about this. I know it's technically his money, but I can't help but feel so frustrated in this situation. We're currently not really speaking to each other...I even had to get out of bed after he told me last night and go sit on the couch to gather my thoughts, cry, and calm down.  

How would you guys feel about this? What would you do? I know I'm just a stay at home mom with no income of my own, so I guess I never really have a say in any financial stuff because it's his money, but I couldn't help but speak my mind last night! This extra money would be helpful in so many other ways..  :(  

by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 6:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tooth_Inspector
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 7:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Welcome to guys. They lust over illogical car things that us women don't get.

Anyways, since the guitars are his and he doesn't use them, I think he has every right to sell them ...the way he wants to use the money is stupid but unless you want to start a fight by suggesting other options to spend it on, I don't know what else to suggest. He's going to want to selfishly buy them for himself and pass it off as something for the both of you so try to tactfully start a conversation about it if it upsets you so much.
amybrg86
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 8:02 AM

lol. ugh.  i guess another part of this that bothers me beyond what i mentioned in the post is that i just think it's awesome to have one guitar--much less 2--just in your home whether you use them or not. i think it's a shame to get rid of the guitars!!   is it really okay for him to do this? is it smart? should i just let him do whatever he wants with his money even though i'm worried about his spending on unncessary things?? 

yeeaaaaah i kind of already started a fight last night---well, i guess he took it as a fight; personally i just had to leave the bedroom so i could go cry out all of my emotions. but he did come out of the bedroom after a few minutes and ask me what was wrong (like he didn't know already!). i told him that money could be spent MUCH more wisely and gave him the examples (which he was already well-aware of because he knows we need the things i mentioned) and he just got up and went back in the bedroom without saying anything. shortly after, i went back in the bedroom and laid down and eventually fell asleep all alone on the edge of the bed practically falling off because we go to bed angry and won't cuddle when we're fighting..  :/  

and yeah, he's totally trying to pass it off as something that'll 'benefit both of us'. oh please!! and since i used to shop a lot (before we got together) he brought that up as a 'point'. he said, 'well you used to spend all kinds of money shopping all the time!' ... ummm..sorry, but that's irrelevant. 

manilowgal
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 9:38 AM
I'm sorry but you aren't married even if you live together. They are his guitars to do with as he pleases. I agree it's stupid but men want their toys. If he wanted this other stuff you mentioned, he'd be getting it.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know it's not fun but in my opinion, he's gonna do what he wants. Sorry sweetie!
amybrg86
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 10:01 AM


Quoting manilowgal: I'm sorry but you aren't married even if you live together. They are his guitars to do with as he pleases. I agree it's stupid but men want their toys. If he wanted this other stuff you mentioned, he'd be getting it. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know it's not fun but in my opinion, he's gonna do what he wants. Sorry sweetie!

no, we aren't married, but what does that have to do with anything? If we were married then i would/should/could have a say in what's done with the guitars and how the money is spent? but since i'm 'just a girlfriend' i get no say? 

i would like to have things as well, but i go without. like i said in the post, i don't get an income because i'm just a stay at home mom, but i also don't ask my boyfriend for money and don't ask him to put any money in our joint account for me because i would rather put that money that i would spend for myself towards more useful things that our family needs. am i wrong for wanting him to realize that he's kinda starting to get a spending problem? should i point this out or just let him buy whatever he wants as long as we've got enough just to get by? 

haha yeah your opinion is right---he's gonna do whatever he wants! do i really have no say in this??? i mean come on, what about his family?? what about all those little monthly expenditures that he's not thinking about or those random unexpected things that might happen?? if he's gonna sell the guitars, he could at least put the money towards paying off the stupid loan he took out for the car! come on.  :(   don't ya think???

elasmimi
by Platinum Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Yep!

Quoting manilowgal: I'm sorry but you aren't married even if you live together. They are his guitars to do with as he pleases. I agree it's stupid but men want their toys. If he wanted this other stuff you mentioned, he'd be getting it. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know it's not fun but in my opinion, he's gonna do what he wants. Sorry sweetie!


fudgybuddymom
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 10:42 AM

I guess I would say my peace & get over it cause they are his guitars & his money. Guys just do what they want with money anyway. At least that was my expierence with my hubby. He could always talk me into something illogical when it came to money!

amybrg86
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 11:24 AM


Quoting fudgybuddymom:

I guess I would say my peace & get over it cause they are his guitars & his money. Guys just do what they want with money anyway. At least that was my expierence with my hubby. He could always talk me into something illogical when it came to money!

i guess i said enough last night.. you don't think i should mention anything about it when he gets home from work? knowing him, i'm pretty sure he'll bring something up about it--not to argue, but still--so should i not tell him how i feel about it again and how much more wisely that money could be spent?? or just tell him it's fine and it's his money and if those rims are something he wants to get, then he can get them...?  and then of course i really have to mean what i say and not continue to be mad about it, lol.  :/ 

i mean i guess i feel a bit better knowing that it's not only my boyfriend who wants to spend a large amount of money on stupid shit. you've never been able to stop your hubby from getting something unncessary (like these godforsaken rims)??   my boyfriend is trying to do the same thing--tell me the kind of benefits i'll get from these rims! oh good god...there's no benefit for me..i don't want them..i don't care about them....

Kirsten.A.F
by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 1:14 PM
I read this... And all I saw was myself and all I can say is men!!!!!!!!

My fiance recently sold his airbrush equipment (he used to be an airbrush artist), with that.. He brought a guitar!, then he took out a loan, with that.. He bought games and other worthless stuff!
Mind you, we're staying with his aunt who hates our guts and wants us out, we need furniture, kitchen stuff, everything for when we move out, my teeth are falling apart due to lack of calcium (thanks to breastfeeding!), but he won't buy me vitamins because they're too expensive, I have no clothes (also a stay at home mom with no hopes of income), but when I attempt to start selling personal items to save up for baking equipment and ingredients to start selling cakes from home... Guess who pockets the money?
Sigh, so honestly.. I know how you feel :(

I wish I had the answers for you hun, I've fought and fought until now I've found it pointless...
Goodluck! And if you ever need someone to rant to, feel free to message me :]
If I ever figure out how to make my partner think logically and save money, I'll let you know! x

Quoting amybrg86:

So last night my boyfriend casually brings up the fact that he is thinking about selling his 2 guitars. I asked him why and he said because he wants to get rims for the new suv he just bought (mind you, he got this suv with a stupid ass loan from the bank).

He does not use the guitars and cannot really play, so they just sit around not ever being used. However, I've always wanted to learn to play and I always thought it was awesome that he had guitars because I've never had one. I've never made any effort to learn how to play though because they're his guitars and I didn't want to use them and I wasn't going to ask if I could--I always thought they had some special meaning to him, but I guess not. 

Anyways, it really upsets me that he wants to waste money on something stupid like rims. They are completely unncessary. He thinks I'm going to like them and I'll look like a 'cool' mom--frankly, I couldn't care less about rims at this particular time. Would I mind having them? No, I wouldn't mind....but if he is willing to get rid of some of his stuff to gain extra money, why not spend or save that money wisely??? He/we have had several other things he's wanted to buy for quite awhile now---i.e. an electric grill, table/chairs for the balcony, new microwave, I need to get an eye exam and new glasses since mine recently fell out of the stroller onto pavement and got scratched up, entertainment center for the living room, a few other things for the house, and I need a new phone because mine shuts off randomly on me all the time and doesn't work properly--like why isn't he thinking logically???!  Heck, he could sell the guitars and whatever and put that money towards paying off the stupid ass loan he got in order to get our new vehicle!! Duh!! I would've never thought to ask him to sell any of his things in order to get these things we actually NEED, but apparently he is willing to do that to buy something idiodic that's going to cost hundreds of dollars! I'm seriously sooo angry about this. I know it's technically his money, but I can't help but feel so frustrated in this situation. We're currently not really speaking to each other...I even had to get out of bed after he told me last night and go sit on the couch to gather my thoughts, cry, and calm down.  

How would you guys feel about this? What would you do? I know I'm just a stay at home mom with no income of my own, so I guess I never really have a say in any financial stuff because it's his money, but I couldn't help but speak my mind last night! This extra money would be helpful in so many other ways..  :(  

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Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jul. 12, 2014 at 1:31 PM
Yes! We are not struggling, but sometimes I'll give DH the tone or talk. He gets excited about things. He usually doesn't go and spend big ever unless discussed.

Quoting elasmimi:

Yep!

Quoting manilowgal: I'm sorry but you aren't married even if you live together. They are his guitars to do with as he pleases. I agree it's stupid but men want their toys. If he wanted this other stuff you mentioned, he'd be getting it.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know it's not fun but in my opinion, he's gonna do what he wants. Sorry sweetie!

amybrg86
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Kirsten.A.F: I read this... And all I saw was myself and all I can say is men!!!!!!!! My fiance recently sold his airbrush equipment (he used to be an airbrush artist), with that.. He brought a guitar!, then he took out a loan, with that.. He bought games and other worthless stuff! Mind you, we're staying with his aunt who hates our guts and wants us out, we need furniture, kitchen stuff, everything for when we move out, my teeth are falling apart due to lack of calcium (thanks to breastfeeding!), but he won't buy me vitamins because they're too expensive, I have no clothes (also a stay at home mom with no hopes of income), but when I attempt to start selling personal items to save up for baking equipment and ingredients to start selling cakes from home... Guess who pockets the money? Sigh, so honestly.. I know how you feel :( I wish I had the answers for you hun, I've fought and fought until now I've found it pointless... Goodluck! And if you ever need someone to rant to, feel free to message me :] If I ever figure out how to make my partner think logically and save money, I'll let you know! x
Quoting amybrg86:

So last night my boyfriend casually brings up the fact that he is thinking about selling his 2 guitars. I asked him why and he said because he wants to get rims for the new suv he just bought (mind you, he got this suv with a stupid ass loan from the bank).

He does not use the guitars and cannot really play, so they just sit around not ever being used. However, I've always wanted to learn to play and I always thought it was awesome that he had guitars because I've never had one. I've never made any effort to learn how to play though because they're his guitars and I didn't want to use them and I wasn't going to ask if I could--I always thought they had some special meaning to him, but I guess not. 

Anyways, it really upsets me that he wants to waste money on something stupid like rims. They are completely unncessary. He thinks I'm going to like them and I'll look like a 'cool' mom--frankly, I couldn't care less about rims at this particular time. Would I mind having them? No, I wouldn't mind....but if he is willing to get rid of some of his stuff to gain extra money, why not spend or save that money wisely??? He/we have had several other things he's wanted to buy for quite awhile now---i.e. an electric grill, table/chairs for the balcony, new microwave, I need to get an eye exam and new glasses since mine recently fell out of the stroller onto pavement and got scratched up, entertainment center for the living room, a few other things for the house, and I need a new phone because mine shuts off randomly on me all the time and doesn't work properly--like why isn't he thinking logically???!  Heck, he could sell the guitars and whatever and put that money towards paying off the stupid ass loan he got in order to get our new vehicle!! Duh!! I would've never thought to ask him to sell any of his things in order to get these things we actually NEED, but apparently he is willing to do that to buy something idiodic that's going to cost hundreds of dollars! I'm seriously sooo angry about this. I know it's technically his money, but I can't help but feel so frustrated in this situation. We're currently not really speaking to each other...I even had to get out of bed after he told me last night and go sit on the couch to gather my thoughts, cry, and calm down.  

How would you guys feel about this? What would you do? I know I'm just a stay at home mom with no income of my own, so I guess I never really have a say in any financial stuff because it's his money, but I couldn't help but speak my mind last night! This extra money would be helpful in so many other ways..  :(  

omg seriously!! what is wrong with guys? why are we (usually) the logical ones when it comes to spending/not spending money on useless or unnecessary things??!  

i mean what, are the vitamins more expensive than a damn video game? our guys need to get their priorities straight! tell him you need those vitamins girl!! and you need furniture? does he think it's just going to fall off a tree when you guys move out and you can take it with you? 

and why does your bf get to pocket the money when you go out to sell your own items? if he's keeping the money from selling his personal items, you should get to keep yours. 

this might sound stupid because i saw it on keeping up with the kardashians, but i think the underlying meaning is useful: scott wanted a helipad for his helicopter to land on in their backyard and of course kourtney did not. well, she decided to not get all over his ass about it and didn't nag at him about how stupid it is to get one and he ended up making the decision himself to not get the helicopter or helipad. but at the end of the episode he said he appreciated that kourtney wasn't nagging him about not getting the helipad and he was happy that he was able to make the decision on his own.  i suppose the principle would still be effective-----maybe we just need to go with the flow and stop worrying about money so much. and also, stop nagging our guys.  eeks. that's gonna be a tough one for me!

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