Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

my secret life.

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:26 PM
  • 67 Replies
I have a secret life. Not really what you may be thinking. When in public I do everything possible to make the public eye think my little family is as happy as can be. But when I get home I have the reality that I am in an abusive relationship. :( this is the first time I have ever said anything. Yesterday he threatened to take my newborn and was telling our 3yr old that he doesn't love him and he is taking the baby. My son was blocking the door in fear. He them struck me hard across my face while I was changing the new baby. A little after ,I don't know how but he had me laying on my back across the arm of the couch holding me down ,twisting one arm over the back and the other down the front all the while him saying I'm not stronger that him. While I was trying to get out of his strong hold he managed to squeeze the right side of my face with either his arm or elbow,I could not tell , that pain was solo bad I literately screamed ,it was worse than giving birth without pain meds and I have done that. I can't leave because he has threatened my family and me and I know he will do it. The reason I am writing this is because going thru the pain now of my massive headache and arm and neck pain makes me horribly sad and feel like I am truly a shift mother by being around this man who would do that.. I feel I have no way out!!
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:46 PM
1 mom liked this
He is only saying that so you won't leave. He will continue to hurt you physically,emotional and as well as your kids. You're safe in your own home.
Tell your family, friends look for an out. ((Hugs))


Quoting nickie3: I have a secret life. Not really what you may be thinking. When in public I do everything possible to make the public eye think my little family is as happy as can be. But when I get home I have the reality that I am in an abusive relationship. :( this is the first time I have ever said anything. Yesterday he threatened to take my newborn and was telling our 3yr old that he doesn't love him and he is taking the baby. My son was blocking the door in fear. He them struck me hard across my face while I was changing the new baby. A little after ,I don't know how but he had me laying on my back across the arm of the couch holding me down ,twisting one arm over the back and the other down the front all the while him saying I'm not stronger that him. While I was trying to get out of his strong hold he managed to squeeze the right side of my face with either his arm or elbow,I could not tell , that pain was solo bad I literately screamed ,it was worse than giving birth without pain meds and I have done that. I can't leave because he has threatened my family and me and I know he will do it. The reason I am writing this is because going thru the pain now of my massive headache and arm and neck pain makes me horribly sad and feel like I am truly a shift mother by being around this man who would do that.. I feel I have no way out!!
nickie3
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Though I have no contact with them (friends or family) I know they know. I'm just absolutely terrified he would hurt my family and I feel I'm keeping everyone safe by me being the one he directs his anger to.yeah stupid I know but my fear is so great that I feel lost.. and like this is my only choice

Quoting Hottmomma607: He is only saying that so you won't leave. He will continue to hurt you physically,emotional and as well as your kids. You're safe in your own home.
Tell your family, friends look for an out. ((Hugs))


Quoting nickie3: I have a secret life. Not really what you may be thinking. When in public I do everything possible to make the public eye think my little family is as happy as can be. But when I get home I have the reality that I am in an abusive relationship. :( this is the first time I have ever said anything. Yesterday he threatened to take my newborn and was telling our 3yr old that he doesn't love him and he is taking the baby. My son was blocking the door in fear. He them struck me hard across my face while I was changing the new baby. A little after ,I don't know how but he had me laying on my back across the arm of the couch holding me down ,twisting one arm over the back and the other down the front all the while him saying I'm not stronger that him. While I was trying to get out of his strong hold he managed to squeeze the right side of my face with either his arm or elbow,I could not tell , that pain was solo bad I literately screamed ,it was worse than giving birth without pain meds and I have done that. I can't leave because he has threatened my family and me and I know he will do it. The reason I am writing this is because going thru the pain now of my massive headache and arm and neck pain makes me horribly sad and feel like I am truly a shift mother by being around this man who would do that.. I feel I have no way out!!
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jul. 19, 2014 at 5:36 PM
You need to contact your family. The hardest part is getting help. But he already displays anger towards your 3yo. Be careful with putting stuff on here, make sure you physically log off cafemom. Just in case he pulls it up. Delete history.

Quoting nickie3: Though I have no contact with them (friends or family) I know they know. I'm just absolutely terrified he would hurt my family and I feel I'm keeping everyone safe by me being the one he directs his anger to.yeah stupid I know but my fear is so great that I feel lost.. and like this is my only choice

Quoting Hottmomma607: He is only saying that so you won't leave. He will continue to hurt you physically,emotional and as well as your kids. You're safe in your own home.
Tell your family, friends look for an out. ((Hugs))


Quoting nickie3: I have a secret life. Not really what you may be thinking. When in public I do everything possible to make the public eye think my little family is as happy as can be. But when I get home I have the reality that I am in an abusive relationship. :( this is the first time I have ever said anything. Yesterday he threatened to take my newborn and was telling our 3yr old that he doesn't love him and he is taking the baby. My son was blocking the door in fear. He them struck me hard across my face while I was changing the new baby. A little after ,I don't know how but he had me laying on my back across the arm of the couch holding me down ,twisting one arm over the back and the other down the front all the while him saying I'm not stronger that him. While I was trying to get out of his strong hold he managed to squeeze the right side of my face with either his arm or elbow,I could not tell , that pain was solo bad I literately screamed ,it was worse than giving birth without pain meds and I have done that. I can't leave because he has threatened my family and me and I know he will do it. The reason I am writing this is because going thru the pain now of my massive headache and arm and neck pain makes me horribly sad and feel like I am truly a shift mother by being around this man who would do that.. I feel I have no way out!!
nayeli.c
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 6:01 PM
3 moms liked this

You CAN leave! You need to now. If he can abuse you then why can't he abuse your children? You can't stop him, he IS stronger than you! It is SO easy to kill a baby or toddler! You need to call the cops when you have bruises and make a police case of it and LEAVE! Your babies can be removed and put in CPS custody if you stay with someone abusive because it is NOT a fit house for them to be in.


You have your children in a dangerous environment. As scared as you are you need to do it for you! Let your family know whats been going on behind closed doors. Find someone to move in with and when you have bruises and he is at work call the police, make a report, pack your shit, and LEAVE. Don't tell him your leaving, don't tell him where you are. Take the kids, make a police report so if he tries to get custody you can SHOW you were in an abusive relationship and he has no problem getting physical, and get the hell out! If you have family out of state try to go there! 

Amber1225
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:23 PM
mama, please call the police and leave! There has to be an organizations around you that is for victims of domestic violence and they WILL help you!!! Please for the sake of your babies LEAVE this man! You CAN do it! I'm sure your family will be glad to help! Your children are counting on you!
irondruidmomma
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:39 PM
5 moms liked this
Call the police. I am the ex wife of an abuser. I was ready to commit suicide to get out of my hell hole of a life. Then a friend helped me leave him. He threatened to take my child from me, he threatened to kill me, he threatened to my family. I discovered the reason he threated me was because he was such a fucking coward that threating a defenseless woman was all the manhood he could summon.
Men who beat woman are cowards and dont have the balls to handle a real man's job.
I'm married to a wonderful man now...and my ex has to be nice and polite to me now. He thought he could run mynlife forever....and now i no longer live in fear and panic.
Also...from experience....if he beats you now...he will, WILL, beat your children.
I could always take the beating...but when he started beating my daughter...that's when I left. Now I wish i would have left him when he started with me.
Please....leave. Call the police and leave. He's a coward and a worthless piece of shit to beat you. Protect yourself and your children. Please. Leave.
teenkabear
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry you are going through this.  I have gone through this & so have many other women, but it is swept under the rug much more than we realize.

You need to seek help from somebody that you trust, whether it be a family member, friend, social worker, or even the cops.  Maybe even a domestic violence shelter if you have one close enough to you.

You truly don't have to suffer through this alone.  I know you feel ashamed, and yes, there are *many* people that judge women that stay in abusive relationships, but they have no idea what it entails, so fuck them anyway.

You *can* get out, he can't make good on the threats if you put him behind bars where he belongs.  You just have to take that first step.

If you ever need somebody to talk to, I am here.  Feel free to friend me.

hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
Today at 12:51 AM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by Emerald Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:35 PM
2 moms liked this

I am sorry to hear you are going through this,
You can leave this abusive relationship with your children & be safe.
Don't believe the fact that he tells you you can't .. YOU Can!  Hugs to you :)


When Georgia Smiled, the Robin McGraw Revelation Foundation, creates and advances programs that help women and children, especially those affected by domestic violence, live healthy, safe and joy-filled lives.

If you or someone you love is being abused, please call
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233).

www.whengeorgiasmiled.org/#hom

Quoting nickie3: I have a secret life. Not really what you may be thinking. When in public I do everything possible to make the public eye think my little family is as happy as can be. But when I get home I have the reality that I am in an abusive relationship. :( this is the first time I have ever said anything. Yesterday he threatened to take my newborn and was telling our 3yr old that he doesn't love him and he is taking the baby. My son was blocking the door in fear. He them struck me hard across my face while I was changing the new baby. A little after ,I don't know how but he had me laying on my back across the arm of the couch holding me down ,twisting one arm over the back and the other down the front all the while him saying I'm not stronger that him. While I was trying to get out of his strong hold he managed to squeeze the right side of my face with either his arm or elbow,I could not tell , that pain was solo bad I literately screamed ,it was worse than giving birth without pain meds and I have done that. I can't leave because he has threatened my family and me and I know he will do it. The reason I am writing this is because going thru the pain now of my massive headache and arm and neck pain makes me horribly sad and feel like I am truly a shift mother by being around this man who would do that.. I feel I have no way out!!


MamaBearEH
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:13 PM

He tries to make you feel like you can't leave, but you can & do have a way out.  You just might need help.  If you can't reach out to family then there are support organizations out there for battered women.  Can you find one in your area?  Going to a doctor to have his physical abuse documented might also help you in the long run with ensuring he stays away.  Sometimes they can set you up with counselling, or a support center like I was mentioning earlier.

mommaof697
by on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:16 PM

I would get out and take all the kids and go tot he police so that there is a paper trail. Get it down in writing so that if something more than you can cover up with make up and clothes happens it is already documented. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN