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life support for my mom what would you do UPDATE NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 8:48 PM
  • 39 Replies

I was adopted but found my biological mom 7 years ago. We talked over the phone from time to time and I went to meet her once.  She lived in a nursing home for a long time. She has a lot of health issues like diabetes,schizophrenia,high blood pressure. She had a heart attack years ago and another one a few weeks ago along with a stroke.  She hasn't been the same since. in out of the hospital every other week. A few weeks ago she wasn't able to talk but looks around. Now she can't talk, open eyes,respond to touch. She's on life support. A feeding tube as well.  She's been on a breathing machine for a year now. Her health is very poor and her doctor doesn't see her making it. I'm the only one on her list of contacts she has no more family or anyone close. I live 15 hours away from her. The doctor wants me to decide if I want to take her off of life support. I'm just not sure or comfortable making that decision. What would you do? I'm so sad I loss my biological mom from birth now I am forever ;(



UPDATE 9/29:
My mom passed away late Friday night. Now there's a problem when it comes to burial expenses. Due to her bad health years ago I couldn't afford life insurance for her. I can't afford to bury her :(
I would like to get help (if possible) getting her cremated and her remains shipped to me. Then I'll have a memorial service for her. Does anyone know who I can talk to about getting help? She's in NY I'm in SC. The people at the hospital gave me a charity number I called and didn't get an answer so I left messages still haven't heard back. I know they can only keep her body but for so long. I hate for the state to take over her body I don't know what to do :(
by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 8:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
auntangelofsix
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 8:53 PM
Bump
booaura
by Bronze Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 8:55 PM
That is something only you can decide. Is she going to improve any? What are HER wishes? Are you keeping her alive for YOU or for HER? What does the doctor recommend?
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MamaBearEH
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 8:59 PM

I would double check for more relatives just in case, and also to see if she made any of her wishes known.  Maybe the nursing home has something in that respect.  Otherwise, I wouldn't let her suffer needlessly & pull the plug.  It's a very individual decision though.

ajzuell
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:02 PM

Her doctors said she doesn't see her getting better. She's not responding to the antibiotics. She has a urine infection and an infection in her bowels but they can't do surgery because she's not stable enough.   She never talked to me about her wishes. But I don't want her to suffer but I don't wanna loss her :(

Quoting booaura: That is something only you can decide. Is she going to improve any? What are HER wishes? Are you keeping her alive for YOU or for HER? What does the doctor recommend?


booaura
by Bronze Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:05 PM
3 moms liked this
It sounds like you've already lost her. All that's left is her body. What made her her, it sounds like that is already gone.

Quoting ajzuell:

Her doctors said she doesn't see her getting better. She's not responding to the antibiotics. She has a urine infection and an infection in her bowels but they can't do surgery because she's not stable enough.   She never talked to me about her wishes. But I don't want her to suffer but I don't wanna loss her :(

Quoting booaura: That is something only you can decide. Is she going to improve any? What are HER wishes? Are you keeping her alive for YOU or for HER? What does the doctor recommend?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ajzuell
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:05 PM

The social worker at the nursing home said I'm the only person listed. 

Quoting MamaBearEH:

I would double check for more relatives just in case, and also to see if she made any of her wishes known.  Maybe the nursing home has something in that respect.  Otherwise, I wouldn't let her suffer needlessly & pull the plug.  It's a very individual decision though.


catngabsmom
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:06 PM
2 moms liked this
It's a shit decision for anyone to make, I had to make the call with my mother also. The question I asked myself was, "did I love her enough to let her go?" I did, I loved her enough to know, the pain she was in was not an existence she would have wanted, so I let her go. Hold her in your heart, she will always be a part of you.

Quoting ajzuell:

Her doctors said she doesn't see her getting better. She's not responding to the antibiotics. She has a urine infection and an infection in her bowels but they can't do surgery because she's not stable enough.   She never talked to me about her wishes. But I don't want her to suffer but I don't wanna loss her :(

Quoting booaura: That is something only you can decide. Is she going to improve any? What are HER wishes? Are you keeping her alive for YOU or for HER? What does the doctor recommend?

DACIA79
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:14 PM
1 mom liked this
My grandmother was in the hospital for a month because of a head injury.

At first we thought she was getting better they were even planning on sending her to rehab.

Eventually her health deteriorated very quickly and there was no hope.

I made the choice to sign the papers. I didn't want to but I couldn't leave her to suffer that way.

I knew she was suffering. I miss her but I have no regrets.
DSamuels
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this

My story about my dad, I'll make it as short as possible.

He went for heart valve replacement at 90 and they added a quadruple bypass to it. It didn't turn out well. He had a DNR but his heart was fine. I did, reluctantly, let him be put on a ventilator for chest congestion 4 days after surgery. They put a nasal feeding tube in when he refused to eat. After they took him off the vent I gave permission to put in a feeding tube. I had paperwork, never signed before surgery saying no artificial feeding, but me in KY, him in SC, and the doctors saying it was needed, I caved. 

I went back a couple weeks later (I was there for the surgery and 2 weeks after) and he was moved to "rehab" which was a shit-hole nursing home. He wasn't getting any better. 19 days later I got a call from the nursing home for permission to transport him to the ER in respiratory distress. Found out later his blood sugar was around 19. He was admitted and for the first time in over a month could speak to us and be understood. He asked for our daughter to come down to go over papers so she could help me when he died. We drove down, because even at 35 my baby wasn't doing that by herself! We talked to doctors and found out he would never get well enough to live on his own and with his health problems, and with his consent, we decided to remove the feeding tube and place him in hospice. Medicare would pay for 2 weeks at a time, he lasted 10 days. 

It was a very hard decision, and I still feel some guilt, but I know it was the right decision to make. We did find his will and a signed POA and medical POA giving me the rights to make the decisions in his lockbox. I know he would not have wanted to "live" on life support. To be honest, neither do I.

3mom627
by Cheryle on Jul. 21, 2014 at 10:21 PM
2 moms liked this

 This sounds very similar to what we went through with my MIL. She went to the hospital, was pretty good that night and never regained conconciousness after that. The dr.'s were giving her antibiotics of which were really not doing a lot of good. She could not swallow and they were afraid to feed her as she was septic, along with a urinary tract infection. After much praying and discussion with the dr.'s we decided to quit antibiotics and oxygen, give her morphine to make her comfortable. With our MIL we felt that her quality of life would not be better if she were to recover from all of this. She was also 95 years old. This is a really hard decision, not one easily made. Talk and talk to the dr.'s and see what their thoughts are and make up your own mind. So sorry you have to go through this.

3MOM627

have a nice day

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