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Age distance. Is it a pro or con?

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 2:52 AM
  • 17 Replies
Hi all! I have met a few people, men and women that have kids with an age gap like mine, 10 years in between and I've gotten mixed opinions on if it's a good or bad thing when it comes to the age distance. With my boys it's been mostly a great thing bc of my youngest learning so much from my oldest, my oldest being able to help with taking care of my youngest, and how they fill several areas of each other's lives. The only thing bad I can say happened is that my oldest had to get used to all the attention and special treatment my youngest gets bc of his age and sometimes my youngest feels left out bc he can't do everything my oldest can do. If you have kids with large age gaps how has it been for you?
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 2:52 AM
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by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 4:31 AM
I had my kids close, but there is a large gap between my siblings and I, 7 years between my sister and I and 9 years between my brother and I.

There are pros and cons. Some of the major cons for me are that we don't experience life things at the same time, like kids, getting married, etc. I am planning my wedding and my sis is my maid of honor, but she's only 19 and nowhere near settling down so she has a totally different mindset then I do. She also isn't old enough to do a true bachelorette thing with. We just reach life milestones really far apart from each other. This leads us to not being as closs as other siblings are.
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by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 4:36 AM
I have a 9 year old and 3 week old, so I'm still finding out the pros and cons. So far my 9 year old son is doing pretty well with everything. He does complain about the amount of attention the baby is getting, so when baby is sleeping I try to squeeze some special moments in with the older son.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:54 AM

My kids are all close in age. The furthest gap is 24 months, the closet is 16 months.

I have had 2 friends with large gaps between them at their siblings and both of them did not have traditional sibling relationships with them. It was more an Aunt/Sister or Mother/Sister type dynamic. I don't think either considered themselves particularly close to their siblings.

by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 8:58 AM

My siblings and I have a larger age gap. I'm the middle of three. My older sister is 7 years old, my younger is 5 years younger. My sisters don't have a very good relationship. They talk but not often. I think the age difference plays a part in that. I am pretty close to both of them though.

by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 9:41 AM

My family is only 3 yrs apart in age at the most. My hubbies is a span of 10 yrs between oldest and youngest. Although they are all close in age, he just comes from a family of 10 kids. The oldest males hardly ever relate to the youngest, and visa versa except the oldest female. She is more of a mother figure to the youngest.

by Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 10:35 AM
I only have 1 child but me and my brother are 11 years apart. We were close when we were younger I can remember him driving me around and taking me places but now we don't have much in common. We get along ok but it's like we're from 2 different generations.
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 10:37 AM

My nieces are 7 years apart and they don't get along very well.

vegepunkstr. Get yours at

by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 2:30 PM
Wow all of your responses are very interesting. I agree with the life milestones. I guess you can't help that kids will reach them separately unless they are very close in age. I'm 3 years apart from my sister and when she was in high school and then went off to college we began to become very distant but when I went to college we became close again. My two brothers are 10 and 12 years older than me so they've always had a father figure type relationship with me. I think since I only have my 2 boys they will have a good relationship until my oldest goes off to college and then they may reconnect in a supportive relationship once my youngest grows up. All I can do is instill in them the importance of having each other and sticking together.
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 2:54 PM

I think it really depends on your lifestyle, because there are pros & cons to both.  For my I personally prefer a 4-5 year gap.  It allows you to focus on the little one 100% during the most crutial learning point in his or her life, which sets the slate for everything else to come.  It also means that they can help you out when another baby comes along, or even just them being independent enough to allow you the time you need to focus on another baby.  The big con for being close together in my view is that everyone I know that is only likes their siblings out of obligation, and there are tons of fights & bickering CONSTANTLY even through adulthood.  Basically they don't have as good of relationships as those with the distance.  When you have an age gap one knows better & if you've taught them well it nips that in the butt completely.  I have brother's around 5 years and 10 years older.  I'm GREAT friends with both of them, and have been through my entire life.  My SO has siblings between 3 years and 10 years.  The only one he has a really good relationship with is the one around 5 years.  Between our nieces, nephews, and children differences are between 1 year and 10 years.  The ones that are close together have a very hard time getting along in comparison to those that are farther apart in age.

I've never experienced the jealousy, because in our family we teach that it's not all about YOU & ensure that they understand not everything in life is equal.  There is definitely effort to be proactive in avoiding the entitled child situation that society has right now.  We also teach the older ones to include the younger ones, so there is no left out feelings.  Compromise is an important life skill to learn.

by on Jul. 29, 2014 at 3:52 AM

my oldest sisters are 13 & 8 years older than me and i hated not having a sister to play with me.

my siblings are 43 brother, 37 sister, 32 sister, 30 brother, 26 brother, 24 (me), 13 brother.

but one of my brothers has a 10yo DD, 8yo DD, 6yo DS, 2yo DD and they ALWAYS "need time away from each other"

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