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Does a man's bank account really matter?

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 2:08 PM
  • 27 Replies

 Someone I know has a 20 year old DD. She has always encouraged her DD to make sure she settles down with someone who is well off financially. Her DD has now just had a baby with a man who is almost twice her age, and the mum is happy because she sees this man as rich. He has a business, a land rover, a fairly large house with a pool etc, and those things seemed to be the main thing that the mum and her DD are bothered about.

I also know a mom who went on  all the time about her daughters only dating rich men, and both ended up marrying men that are well off. I don't think they would have dared to settle down with someone who wasn't wealthy!

The woman with the 20 year old seems to think that anyone who doesn't encourage their DD to marry well is weird. My main concern would be that DD is a) happy and b) that she ends up with someone that treats her well. Money doesn't really come into it, does it?

by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 2:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hopeful_leslie
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope not in my eyes, money can't buy love and I want my dd to be happy and treated with respect! Thank God I've raised my children to know that money is good (in terms of taking care of yourself and family) but it's not everything
mcginnisc
by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this

As long as my girls are happy, treated well and their spouse can support their family that is acceptable to me. I would love it if they live as comfortably as we do, but money is not everything in life. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

terpmama
by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 2:33 PM
3 moms liked this
The only money thing I considered was "does he live within his means"... I don't want constant money issues because he can't be bothered to manage what he has.
themaurer7
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Money doesn't buy hapiness.
beadingmom17
by Rachel on Aug. 12, 2014 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I think to a certain point it matters. How many times do we see on here women complaining because their husband can't manage money worth a damn? I wouldn't push my daughter to marry someone solely for that, but I would encourage her to keep that trait in mind while looking for her perfect guy.
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Mygirl30248
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah sorry don't agree with your friends at all. I teach my DD to be a strong independent woman who does not need a man to support her. Her man needs to be responsible with his money or their money & make wise choices financially but does not need to be rich. 

My SO makes very good decisions with his money, not like ex SO (DD father) who makes twice tha amount of SO & makes horrible choices. That's what my DD needs is a man who is smart about how he handles his money & has goals to save his money for the future. That is what is important IMO when it comes to finances. 

Momof3girls478
by New Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 11:46 PM
Omg this sounds like me!! My dd is with a guy who in no way can manage his $ She foots the bill for EVERYTHING!! It irritates me to no end!

Quoting terpmama: The only money thing I considered was "does he live within his means"... I don't want constant money issues because he can't be bothered to manage what he has.
eadyT
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:01 AM
Hello ladies, I have to agree with you all who believe in money does not buy love and things are just that. I would not support a man either. My husband and I have always worked together, no we are not perfect. We have always paid our bills together and kept our own spending money. I do not feel that I need to report to him nor he to me and we do not fight over money.we live pretty modestly, having expensive "things" are not high on the list. Yet we feel rich with how we are. We both learned this the hard way though, lol. My humble opinion, Eadyt
TacoPop
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:11 AM
2 moms liked this

I think money is important, and I think it's something that needs to be factored in when you decide you're ready to be in a committed relationship.  The number one issue that couples fight about, according to many polls, is money.  Do I think that means I should encourage my kid to find someone wealthy? No.  But I think it's possible to find someone with all the traits you are looking for who also is good with money.  And if you have to prioritize traits, I think that good with money should be near the top of the list, because it is a miserable, gut wrenching, shame inducing thing to have real money problems.  It's scary and it's stressful and it's confining.  Why set yourself up for that kind of struggle when you don't have to.  Don't even date the losers to begin with.  And people are so afraid to talk about money.  We're too polite in this country about money.  We keep out finances secret, even from our kids, but I think that people seriously thinking about marriage should be forthright with one another, and if they can't be, well, then don't get married.  Before dh and I got married I wanted to know what his five year, ten year plan was and how he intended to get there.  I wanted to know how he saw me fitting into that and what he would need from me to make it happen.  And vice versa.  I wanted to know his philosphy on money management and savings and investment.  I wanted to know if he had credit cards and what their limits and balances were.  I wanted to know what his expectations were of me once we merged lives and bank accounts.  I wanted to sit down and determine what we wanted our life to look like in ten years and how we could work together to make that happen.  His parents called me a gold digger at one point, which was hurtful, but I really didn't care, because I know what it's like to be dirt poor.  I grew up that way, and I wanted better for my kids, so when I was ready to settle down, I didn't go looking for a husband at a dive bar on pay day.  And I wasn't afraid to ask the money questions, because I was ready and committed to doing my part to ensure my personal financial security and the last thing I needed was to hitch myself to some man who was not.  Because men like that are leaches who drain a lot more than your bank account.  So, does a man's bank account really matter?  Yes, because if you marry him, it's also going to be your bank account and not only is it alright for you to care about it, you should. 

connie45
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:20 AM
You are one smart cookie! I was 34 and hubs was almost 40 when we married-first for both of us- and had established good earning careers. We had to make sure our priorities and goals were in sync.

Quoting TacoPop:

I think money is important, and I think it's something that needs to be factored in when you decide you're ready to be in a committed relationship.  The number one issue that couples fight about, according to many polls, is money.  Do I think that means I should encourage my kid to find someone wealthy? No.  But I think it's possible to find someone with all the traits you are looking for who also is good with money.  And if you have to prioritize traits, I think that good with money should be near the top of the list, because it is a miserable, gut wrenching, shame inducing thing to have real money problems.  It's scary and it's stressful and it's confining.  Why set yourself up for that kind of struggle when you don't have to.  Don't even date the losers to begin with.  And people are so afraid to talk about money.  We're too polite in this country about money.  We keep out finances secret, even from our kids, but I think that people seriously thinking about marriage should be forthright with one another, and if they can't be, well, then don't get married.  Before dh and I got married I wanted to know what his five year, ten year plan was and how he intended to get there.  I wanted to know how he saw me fitting into that and what he would need from me to make it happen.  And vice versa.  I wanted to know his philosphy on money management and savings and investment.  I wanted to know if he had credit cards and what their limits and balances were.  I wanted to know what his expectations were of me once we merged lives and bank accounts.  I wanted to sit down and determine what we wanted our life to look like in ten years and how we could work together to make that happen.  His parents called me a gold digger at one point, which was hurtful, but I really didn't care, because I know what it's like to be dirt poor.  I grew up that way, and I wanted better for my kids, so when I was ready to settle down, I didn't go looking for a husband at a dive bar on pay day.  And I wasn't afraid to ask the money questions, because I was ready and committed to doing my part to ensure my personal financial security and the last thing I needed was to hitch myself to some man who was not.  Because men like that are leaches who drain a lot more than your bank account.  So, does a man's bank account really matter?  Yes, because if you marry him, it's also going to be your bank account and not only is it alright for you to care about it, you should. 

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