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Kinship foster/adoption needing advice

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:40 PM
  • 10 Replies

I'll make this as short as possible. My brother got a girl pregnant, she told him she had four other children taken by the state before, for some bogus reason, we all knew she was lying. Fast forward my nephew was born last week, CPS stepping right away. My brother exploded (he has a developemental disorder) and he is not allowed around his son until after a hearing tomorrow. My mother went to the state they are in, she is sitting in for me (I have three kids and DH and I are moving back to our home state in less than 2 weeks). The plan with the CWer, the judge, my mother and the birth parents is to place the baby with us. The cwer wants to get us ready to adopt him. They are in WA, We will be in NM, so she said it could take up to 3 months to get all the paper work and what no worked out, he is with a good foster family right now. I don't even know where to start! I've never dealt with CPS in anyway, one way or another. BM will never have rights to the child, and my brother has agreed that I can have custody, but isn't sure about it being a full on adoption just yet, but he has said he will more than likely agree. I'm lost! Any advice would be wonderful! Thank you ladies!

by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
freetime
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 9:53 PM

Why can't the mom have her children?  It's so nice of you to care for the baby! 

funhappymom
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry, I have no experience with this but I'm sure if you take with the social worker who is dealing with everything she will be able to help. I would think you might also want to contact a lawyer who has handled adoptions to get some advice on your end, too.




LancesMom
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this

Can you schedule an appt with CPS? Will they talk to a family member? Maybe call and ask!

Tatum2U
by Platinum Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:44 AM

your home state is NM ? or is it Wa? Why isnt the baby with your Mom until you get there? is baby going to be in foster care for months? Have you hired an attorney ? I would. What do you mean when you say that your brother "exploded" ? What did he do exactly ? What kind of delays does your brother have? Does he work? Did he finish HS ? Does he have any other children? Is he not capable of raising the child or does he not want to ? Whats up with bio mom ? Why doesn't she have any of her kids? How old is she? Does she work?....okay thats a start ;-)

“you know you’ve created God in your own image when God hates all the same people that you do”

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:20 PM

Poor little guy!  I'm sure things will settle down once the baby comes home with you.  Hopefully not too long from now.

momofboys88
by New Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:40 PM

She did meth, had a filthy home and neglected the first four, didn't even try to get clean to get them back. It was just discovered this morning when the drug tests came in that she meth during THIS pregnancy.

Quoting freetime:

Why can't the mom have her children?  It's so nice of you to care for the baby! 


momofboys88
by New Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:48 PM


Quoting Tatum2U:

your home state is NM ? or is it Wa? Why isnt the baby with your Mom until you get there? is baby going to be in foster care for months? Have you hired an attorney ? I would. What do you mean when you say that your brother "exploded" ? What did he do exactly ? What kind of delays does your brother have? Does he work? Did he finish HS ? Does he have any other children? Is he not capable of raising the child or does he not want to ? Whats up with bio mom ? Why doesn't she have any of her kids? How old is she? Does she work?....okay thats a start ;-)

Mine is NM, My mom was only there for 3 days, she lives in OKC and has to go back to work. Baby A will be with a special foster mother for the time between today and when we get him, she is a social worker, and fosters children in cases like this. Exploded - he spent threes hours being held down while he threatened to kill everyone around him, when they tried to calm him down he got worse. He has aspergers(sp?), He got his GED, he was kicked out of school in 9th grade, because he was held back 3 times, he was too old to be in public school anymore. He doesn't have anymore, this was his first. He is capable of making sure Baby A is alive, past that, nothing more. He wouldn't be bathed, fed well, helped to thrive, only to be physically alive, if we are lucky, my brother can hardly take care of himself, he never showers, eats crap and I say that kindly, I LOVE my little brother, he lived with us and I cared for him until last year (he is almost 22 now, he was with my mom until he turned 18, then he was basically homeless until we made him come live with us, my mom didn't kick him out, he made that choice).

Biomom had 4 other children taken due to meth use, filthy home, and neglecting them. She didn't even try to get clean after they were taken, 3 were adopted out to nonfamily, oldest is with his father. She did meth and smoked nonstop during these pregnancy. She is 25, she has fetal alcohol syndrome and gets SSI.

Thank you!

bekaanne0524
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh, there's so much more to say than what I could type. I'm a former foster mom.

It's going to be difficult to do this from a different state. You want to retain physical custody of him as soon as you can, but they almost always give biological parents time to work a plan which usually means baby needs to stay in state (for possibly 12-18 months).

Stay on top of this. Be on the phone with the case worker at least once a week. See if you can talk with the foster mom regularly. Try to visit when you can.

Be prepared that this could be a drawn out process and you may have to fight. You may want to retain a lawyer.

The baby had prenatal drug exposure. He could be fine, or he could have any varying level of disabilities. Research. Make sure it's something you could handle.

If you have any questions feel free to ask and I can try to do my best to answer them.
MamaBearEH
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:08 PM

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say you are a wonderful person for doing what you're doing & I hope you get the baby faster than a fewmonths!

momofboys88
by New Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:29 PM

They had court today, BM has no rights, she signed them away today. My brother has to have a physc eval done before they decide 100% on him, he has some major temper issues, and may be bipolar. The judge and the state of WA has agreed to work with NM to get him to us in 3 months or less, depending on how fast paper work goes through, we getting our home study finished up, back ground checks are done and all the health info was gathered. 

We are going to be fostering him for the time beinging, IF my brother is given a parenting plan he will come to NM to do what he needs to, NM will take over the case(already agreed on between the two states). I am hopeful that once Baby A is with us my brother may decide on his own to sign his rights away, so that we can raise him. But he may not. I want what is best for my nephew, if my brother is able to raise him,then I want that!!

As a former foster mom, do you know if they expect us to completely child proof the house? We keep all chemicals and medical things up, well out of reach of any child, we have outlet covers, we keep a couple gates to block off the step in the house. Do we need to pad the coffee tables and do all that crazy over the top stuff that baby websites like to tell you to do?

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