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feeling jealous

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 11:23 PM
  • 19 Replies
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Well it's my first time on here. I need a place to vent and maybe get some help someone about my step children. I don't have children and can not conceive. This has broken my heart and crushed my soul. I'm a little jealous when the kids are all over my boyfriend. I just don't know that to do. I also feel that I
Have to watch what I day.
by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 11:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
booaura
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 11:26 PM
It sounds more like you are bitter and resentful than jealous. These are your boyfriends kids? Do you raise them or is their mother around? How old are you? Do you know why can't conceive? Have you considered a surrogate or adoption?
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unluckyone23
by New Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 11:30 PM
I'm 34 and these are my boyfriends kids. They mom are around but doesn't really care for them. Only sees them as a paycheck. We get them twice a month and I have no fallopian tubes. It's beenaa tough road. I've been pregnant before.
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 12:03 AM
How old are his kids. ? How long have you known them ? How long since he and his wife split. ?
unluckyone23
by New Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 12:31 AM
2 girls 10 and 9 and 1 boy age 6. I've known them for over a year and he and his wife divorced over 2 years ago.
Reina13
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 11:23 AM
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I am sorry are having a difficult time. It cannot be easy knowing that you cannot have a child. Do you have a good relationship with his children? What is stoppping you from fostering a relationship with them?

MandaMom23
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 11:30 AM
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Its never easy to be the newcomer and trying to build a relationship on someone elses kids.  It has to first be a partnership with you and your boyfriend.  My advice would be to take time to spend with each of them and take some personal interest in their activities.

unluckyone23
by New Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 11:49 AM
His kids are good but it's hard when they come around twice a month for only 2 days. I am able to do ivf but it's hard. I'm trying to learn about each child and it's hard to love when their are not yours. But thank you for your comments.
booaura
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 11:50 AM
No, it really isn't, though with their mother around, you wouldn't be taking the role of mother really. Have you looked into adoption? Though if you can't love a child that isn't your DNA, that wouldn't be a good fit either.

Quoting unluckyone23: His kids are good but it's hard when they come around twice a month for only 2 days. I am able to do ivf but it's hard. I'm trying to learn about each child and it's hard to love when their are not yours. But thank you for your comments.
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by New Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 12:15 PM
My husband isn't my son's real father...but DS started calling him daddy on his own about a year ago (DS is almost 11 now). They have a wonderful relationship. It was rocky when we first married & moved into our house together, but they have bonded beyond belief. DH and I have been TTC for a year and a half now. He doesn't have any biological children. It has been a bit stressful since we found out the reason for the infertility, but we are seeing a specialist. So my DH could probably understand what you are going through more than I could. However, I can see where it is rough. Can your BF get the kids outside of twice a month? I have the kind of outlook with my son that if his real dad wants to spend time with him outside of the standard visitation in our divorce papers, then I have no problem with it as long as we don't have plans.
LynneSean
by New Member on Aug. 31, 2014 at 6:49 AM
Booaura- stop bring a bully. Boaura- can you have children? Have you ever been in a very part time step mom/ gf position? Have you ever had to try alternative ways to have a child? If so you can judge but if not then back off and give this woman some sound advice rather than being mean.


OP- just do your best to get to know each child with the limited time you have. Maybe plan special lil things to do consistently when they visit with just you. Such as crafts, games etc.

It makes sense that you are feeling a range of emotions here that are difficult. It still sounds like you are grieving. Make this known to your bf so he can keep an eye on you and support you while you are figuring this all out. What you are feeling is a natural part of the process. Good luck. I have been in similar circumstances although not exactly. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk more privately or you just need an ear.


Quoting booaura: No, it really isn't, though with their mother around, you wouldn't be taking the role of mother really. Have you looked into adoption? Though if you can't love a child that isn't your DNA, that wouldn't be a good fit either.

Quoting unluckyone23: His kids are good but it's hard when they come around twice a month for only 2 days. I am able to do ivf but it's hard. I'm trying to learn about each child and it's hard to love when their are not yours. But thank you for your comments.
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