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Broke Up with Me Because of My Kids

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:34 AM
  • 35 Replies

I have been dating an amazing guy for six months and he suddenly broke up with me. We had a long talk last night and he basically said he doesn't feel he can take on the role of a step-dad. He was basing his feelings on his last serious relationship that went bad because he didn't feel a connection to his girlfriend's girls like they were his own and didn't know where to draw the line with discipline. He is very much a strict disciplinarian. He has been around my kids (ages 8 & 5) very little. I feel like he's scared, still having issues with the breakup of his last relationship (which was more than two years ago) and does have the capability to make a great step-dad. I'm torn between letting the relationship go even though we both are crazy in love or pushing for him to get to know my children better with the possibility of him resenting that or it not working out in the end and it hurting the kids. Anyone have experience with a situation like this? What did you do and what was the outcome?

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this

No experience. Odd he would date another woman with kids after his first experience. I would cut him loose.

TheRingmaster
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Never dated with kids. Lol
But he needs to not date women with kids at all if that's his stance.
only_1_4_me
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:08 AM

I have never experienced this. But with the information provided, I would see if he would be willing to keep at least a friendship going... friends do stuff together.. make a bowling night or something, and have him and your children present.. facilitate times that they can be around each other where he isnt the "father" but just someone having fun.. maybe he just needs some exposure time where he is expected to take on a "step dad" role.. And honestly, he shouldnt  have a fatherly role until you two have been together much longer than 6 months :(

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Why would he think in 6 months he'll be a step dad? Cut him loose.
Texasgal99
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:12 AM

 That's all I'm wanting at this point, is for him to get to know my kids. But he says he feels really uncomfortable when there are discipline problems because he wants to jump in. Says he's been stressed and his patience has just worn thin as he gets older. (He's 46) He says it's even the same with his daughter who just turned 13. I just don't know if hanging out in a friendly environment would still push him away.

Quoting only_1_4_me:

I have never experienced this. But with the information provided, I would see if he would be willing to keep at least a friendship going... friends do stuff together.. make a bowling night or something, and have him and your children present.. facilitate times that they can be around each other where he isnt the "father" but just someone having fun.. maybe he just needs some exposure time where he is expected to take on a "step dad" role.. And honestly, he shouldnt  have a fatherly role until you two have been together much longer than 6 months :(

 

ebmars2681
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:13 AM

respect his decision.  i think that 6 months is a little too soon anyway.  however, that's just my opinion.

you will find someone who loves you and your children unconditionally.

theboyfactory
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:15 AM
5 moms liked this
If someone felt they couldn't accept my children in their life, they'd be gone. I wouldn't have to think about it for a second.
schrokat
by New Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this
From experience I don't think there's much you can do. Cut him loose, move on. I'm sorry mama I know it sucks :(
only_1_4_me
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:16 AM

 

Quoting Texasgal99:

 That's all I'm wanting at this point, is for him to get to know my kids. But he says he feels really uncomfortable when there are discipline problems because he wants to jump in. Says he's been stressed and his patience has just worn thin as he gets older. (He's 46) He says it's even the same with his daughter who just turned 13. I just don't know if hanging out in a friendly environment would still push him away.

Quoting only_1_4_me:

I have never experienced this. But with the information provided, I would see if he would be willing to keep at least a friendship going... friends do stuff together.. make a bowling night or something, and have him and your children present.. facilitate times that they can be around each other where he isnt the "father" but just someone having fun.. maybe he just needs some exposure time where he is expected to take on a "step dad" role.. And honestly, he shouldnt  have a fatherly role until you two have been together much longer than 6 months :(

 

 If you are hanging out souly as friends, there is no reason for him to jump into dicipline.. does he dicipline his friends children? I think if he cannot be around your kids even as a friend, then this relationship is a lost cause and its time to move on.

Kaya529
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:20 AM
You need to respect his decision. He is being honest and it's better that this was figured out before your kids got caught up in it.

If you enjoy his company you guys can always date in your spare time without bringing him around the kids or you can be friends.
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