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it's going to happen?

Posted by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:42 AM
  • 8 Replies
I never posted anything anywhere before and I need to get advice. I've been married for 11 years and recently my husband has been distant. My gut feeling told me he was seeing someone. Two days ago he came home late and I asked. He said he was having drinks with the girl I suspected but nothing happened, they just talked. Then he told me how unhappy he was and he wanted a divorce. I hurt like I never knew I could. Over that night and next day he was quite, I took my kids to a hotel. I came home and he laid out his plans for leaving, seeing the kids, moving and so on. He denied an affair. We talked, well I talked and begged him to try to work on us before leaving. After a while he agreed but said our personalities were so different he doesn't know if it will work. I asked about the girl, what they talk about, who she is and he told me somethings. Now they are texting for the past hour. Am I doing the right thing by staying or am buying time because they will become more than friends.
by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:42 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Reina13
by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:37 PM

 I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me like he has already checked out of the marriage. I don't understand why he would agree to work on your marriage and he still be talking to the other woman if he was serious about working things out with you.

At this point, I wouldn't really be concerned about a physical relationship between him and this other woman. I would be more concerned about the friendship and possible emotional connection he may be forming or already have with her. He is talking to HER instead of you. Who knows what she is saying to him, but as long as he has another woman to talk to and confide in, I don't see him really putting forth much effort into you and your marriage.

My gut says that you need to start making arrangements and put a plan in place for a divorce. Be receptive to trying to work it out, but don't put all your faith in it.

Good luck

chargeo
by New Member on May. 17, 2015 at 12:43 PM
Thank you. I'm crying as I write this. He said they talk about everything from music and movies to personal life. I am very worried about the emotional connection . He says he's not attracted to her but that develops. He's making her a wine rack for her birthday. It hurts so bad to lose my best friend. But I think I need to let him go.
amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2015 at 12:56 PM

I agree with Reina, it sounds like he's checked out but he hates hurting you and that's why he's agreed to try to work on things, but I'm thinking if he's already not emotionally invested, that won't work.

(((hug))) I'm sorry mama.

chargeo
by New Member on May. 17, 2015 at 1:38 PM
I should give him space and then regroup.
lovely.mess
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 3:03 PM
As much as it hurts you can't force him to be in a relationship he doesn't want to be in. The fact that he continues to talk to her tells me he doesn't want to be. I've always told DH if he doesn't want to be with me just tell me. Yes it would hurt but I'd rather be hurt in that way than him cheating. If you force your husband to stay with you that's exactly what will happen. Maybe it's time to let him go, and leave on good terms.
chargeo
by New Member on May. 17, 2015 at 3:43 PM
Thanks. I'm starting to see that. I just needed time to process. Thank you.
Onmyown2727
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 5:00 PM

I'm sorry to say it but I agree wih waht AMonkeyMom wrote.  

Wishing you all the best!

hugs

Quoting amonkeymom:

I agree with Reina, it sounds like he's checked out but he hates hurting you and that's why he's agreed to try to work on things, but I'm thinking if he's already not emotionally invested, that won't work.

(((hug))) I'm sorry mama.


mrswillie
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2015 at 5:03 PM
If he is texting her, he really isn't into trying with you. Sorry.
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