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Mother In Law & Sister in Law asking my child to lie. What would you do about this.

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:07 AM
  • 7 Replies
Hi ladies! I have a serious question to ask and welcome all opinions! My daughter (9) has been getting in trouble for lying for quite some time now. It has been a very stressful time for us dealing with her constant lying! She would lie to just get her way. We don't lie in our home and she knows it isn't allowed. After several years of dealing with this you can imagine my frustration with it day in and day out. I was talking to her the other day about what steps we were going to take to change this around. Yesterday she confided in me that both her grandma & aunt have told her to hide stuff from us. Telling her it's ok to do things that we don't allow her to do because they let her do it at their house, but to not tell or we won't let her go back to their houses! She said she was so confused and didn't want to say anything and get grandma in trouble. My mil has lied to us telling us that she is following our rules for her when she is at her house but my daughter says that's not true! She says this is why she lies cause grandma makes her feel like she can get away with anything if she just lies her way through everything! What bothers me is they know how hard of a time it has been to try and get her to stop lying. Instead of helping they are the ones allowing this to happen and lying about stuff themselves! How can you raise a child the right way when the adults in her life cannot even act right? This is someone she trusted and she was torn between listening to us or listening to her grandma. I am so sick of it! I personally don't trust my mil but I didn't know this was going on. My daughter was scared to tell on grandma! My thing is why would grandma tell her to lie when she knows she gets in trouble for that. Instead of encouraging her to speak the truth she has told her to not tell us things that she allows her to do, to lie when we ask if she followed all the rules, and scares her and says if you tell your parents they won't let you come back so don't tell! Her aunt did the same thing! We don't allow our kids to play or even watch violent video games, shows, or movies. She watched her for us one freaking day and my daughter says she watched a video game that had a lot of bad words with people stealing cars. I'm guessing grand theft auto. She was told to lie and say she didn't watch or play any video games. She told her not to tell and my daughter said when she dropped her off she gave her a look like are you about to tell and it scared her so she ran to her room! It's ridiculous! Our daughter has mommy and daddy saying not to lie and here she has two other family members coaching her to do it! I just don't understand. I told my husband that she is no longer allowed over there! There have been other issues before and now we are just finding out about all this! It's never ending and they are very sneaky! Do you think I'm wrong for not letting any of our children go over to their houses anymore? They can go with us if we happen to go visit but they are not allowed to go alone anymore!
by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:07 AM
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Replies (1-7):
lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:14 AM

I think the thing to do would be to talk with MIL and SIL . Tell them what DD has told you. How can you be sure DD isn't lying about this? She has been lying this might just be another lie. If its not then you explain to SIL and MIL that you are extremely disappointed that they would ask your child to lie to you. Then you slowly back away from them.

TAG_ur_it
by Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:18 AM

If that is not the only issue with them, I would cut them out entirely. Life is too short to deal with that kind of BS and DD needs good people in her life. 

Mommyof4kids13
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:26 AM
Thank you for replying and I totally agree! It's just too much.
mommy2boys03
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Although if the mil and sil were lying also about this stuff how can she be sure that the mil and sil are not lying when they say the daughter is lying.  These women are probably better liars.  She also said there were others issues with the in laws.  It might be better to stop alone visits until she gets the lying under control.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I think the thing to do would be to talk with MIL and SIL . Tell them what DD has told you. How can you be sure DD isn't lying about this? She has been lying this might just be another lie. If its not then you explain to SIL and MIL that you are extremely disappointed that they would ask your child to lie to you. Then you slowly back away from them.


Mommyof4kids13
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you lucky2beeme!!! We plan on talking to them! My husband and I talked about that as well! We told her that if she is lying about this she is going to have to confess and apologize in front of everyone. But I have to say my gut is telling me that she is not lying. This is something that his family would do. It's just the kind of people they are. But we will be talking to them and bracing ourselves. It's not easy to talk to them about things. They are never wrong and they will somehow turn it on us. His mother doesn't agree on how we raise her and she would rather let her do whatever she wants instead of teaching her. Or she will cry her eyes out and want my husband to feel guilty about having to talk to her about this. She seems to forget that we are the parents and she's the grandmother.
Clairwil
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2015 at 3:53 PM


Quoting Mommyof4kids13:

She says this is why she lies cause grandma makes her feel like she can get away with anything if she just lies her way through everything!

She's playing you

Mommyof4kids13
by New Member on Oct. 20, 2015 at 12:22 AM
Thank you Clairwil! I thought the same thing! The truth is I'm so lost on all this because there is entirely way too much lying going on! From both sides, my daughter and in laws! My husband did speak to his mom and she did admit to some things but not all! This is what happens when you lie and children see you lie. Not only are you teaching them to lie but they also think it's ok! It's mind boggling! But like I said before... She tried the guilt trip thing but it didn't work! My husband never even mentioned me and she tried to drag me into it. He shot that down! She said that I didn't understand the kind of relationship that she had with our daughter. Which is not true and doesn't excuse her to do what she wants! I'm afraid this issue is going to be a forever kind of thing. It's very draining! But thank you for your response! I have to agree that she is trying to play us on certain things. I really hope this mess ends one day cause I can't deal with it much longer!
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