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I can't be alone.

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:51 AM
  • 9 Replies
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Hey everyone, so my mother and I have had a bad relationship since I was 13. It seems like it can not be fixed, she always judges my life, my choices, and can't accept I've grown into the person I have. Don't get me wrong when I was young I made some bad choices but she can't let it go. Anyways, now I have a daughter, and I'm really sad and scared that I won't be good enough for her either. Are there any other stories out there of mothers who had bad relationships with their moms, and have a great one with their daughters? Please no negativity.
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:51 AM
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lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 6:41 AM
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The key to a good child parent relationship is being able to communicate Listening to what they have to say. You  teach by example, being the mom that they can come to no matter what. Make sure your DD knows your love is unconditional. Be careful not to gossip esp about family. Be honest when you answer questions but keep the answer age appropriate. Let your DD know she is your world and show her that.

Kells08
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 8:45 AM
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Hello :)
I don't have the best relationship with my mother. I was adopted when I was a child and I met my Bio mom when I was 18. (I'm Now 29) The first few years were great but as the years went on she wouldn't be honest with me or my sister who was also adopted with me... It ended up putting a strain on our relationship due to lies and un answered questions. What I learned from that with my own daughter is to be completely honest. Communication and trust is key. Unconditional love and letting my girl know that she is the best thing that has happens to me.. She may only be 6 years old but I know that she knows our relationship is a special bond. All a child needs is unconditional love and understanding. ❤
LuLuRex
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:55 PM

Just try to break the cycle. My mom and my grandmother had a rocky relationship. My mom tried to do the opposite of her and it worked because my mom and I are super close.

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by Sapphire Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:21 PM

this .. hugs to you :)

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

The key to a good child parent relationship is being able to communicate Listening to what they have to say. You  teach by example, being the mom that they can come to no matter what. Make sure your DD knows your love is unconditional. Be careful not to gossip esp about family. Be honest when you answer questions but keep the answer age appropriate. Let your DD know she is your world and show her that.


rachellaree20
by Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:22 PM

My relationship with my mother is awful...it's not even a relationship. I haven't talked to her for years, she knows I have 2 kids but as long as I can help it she will never meet them.  I have a daughter who is 2 years old and my relationship with her is pretty good I'd say (well as good as any relationship with a toddler haha!) but I worry about this too sometimes.  With parenting I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants and sometimes have no idea what to do since neither of my parents were very functional.  I always just try to do what feels right in my heart when it comes to my kids and it's been working so far!

calsmom62
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 6:15 PM
My mother and I did not always get along well, she had just enough mental illness to make her family miserable but not enough for it to be apparent to most people outside of the family...she was very active in all sorts of community causes and organizations and held national offices in some -- you would have had to live with her to see what really went on in her mind... I really wanted to make sure my daughter grew up in a happy positive affirming kind of household-- and she is now 30 and we are still close.
ayacocca
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 7:01 PM
My mother & I have a strained relationship as well; we try to be cordial but that's about as far as it goes.. Thankfully, the tension is beginning to relieve itself but we are so distant that it makes no sense. However, my daughter (9) & I are really close.. As you said, communication & trust are super essential, & it is something that I rely on while raising her.. I do believe that if my mom & I communicated better during my formative years we would be in a better place now.
sourdoughbread
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this
If she can't let it go, perhaps seeing the relationship you share with your child triggers her own troubled past. You also haven't truly forgiven your own past, which is why you worry about the future relationship with your own child.
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jewels.unicorn
by Member on Oct. 27, 2015 at 10:29 AM

 I can't stand my mom. She's super judgemental and holds onto all bad things she's heard or thinks. And she mixes up her memories of bad things and groups wrong things together - she recently blamed my dh for the clutch/transmission on her car breaking - that happened years before I even met dh... so yeah, she's not on my good books. She also has told my kids to their faces that they are fat. Flat out - "don't eat so much of that or you're going to get even fatter" type comments. To young teens who can't handle a comment like that from someone they trust and respect. So yeah, my mom isn't my fave person.

BUT - the good news is, because my mom was the way she was all my life, I've strived to be a completely different person with my girls. My daughters tell me everything and we talk like friends. My mom & I never had that open communication, she couldn't handle the period talk, she handed me books and ran, my girls & I openly discuss all that stuff. They come to me and tell me issues with their friends - how do I help them, how do I not have this problem too, how can I help her talk to her mom like we can talk... we have a great relationship in that sense.

Most of my kids friends cannot even wrap their heads around the close relationship they have with me, most of their friends can't talk to their parents about anything, and feel very separate from them. When they come to visit our house, they even tell us, wow, I love that you are so open and easy going about this or that. I wish I could talk to my mom like that. I have had "the talk" or variations of it with a few of the kids' friends due to the fact that they can't have that with their mom/dad. It's sad and I feel awful for them, but I'm sure glad I can also be there for my own kids like this and their friends sometimes too.

My mom judges me (the oldest) and will talk down about me to my own kids and esp. compares me to my younger, childless (by choice - although my mom states it's medical, I know the real truth) career driven sister who is the apple of her eye. I was their test subject, treat me like crap, use me, this that the other thing kid and my sister can do no wrong. Her boyfriend broke into my parents house, took all my sister's stuff and dumped it in a dumpster behind a store because he was upset my sister was cheating on him. My parents still welcome that jerk into their family with open arms. He's a looney, I'm sorry but he's not ok in the head, but according to my mom he's better than my *Hubby* who is not legally my dh, we are just together for the last 20 yrs and 4 kids, sticking it out without that paperwork but we're the ones in the wrong, not my sister & her crazy boyfriend...

So yeah, sometimes you can have an awful relationship with your mom but create an awesome one with your daughters. It can be done, love can do amazing things!

((HUGS)) I know it hurts to have that type of relationship with a mom. I'm sorry!

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