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Very frustrated step mom/wife

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:59 PM
  • 20 Replies
Quoting Mommysteele3: Hi everyone my name is Elaine, I have two biological kids one boy and one girl and I am also a step mom to a 10yr old daughter. So glad I found the support system as I am having some issues with my marriage currently bc of how situations with my step daughter verses my biological daughter are being handled! An I would love to gather some good support to be able to handle some situations! Bare with me it's a long story, I'll keep it short and to the point Anyone have any advice on this situation? So we have been fighting my stepdaughters mother to allow her to do sports since she was 5yrs old.. Her mother always said she was too busy or didn't have the money to help support her threw them. Now we have offered for several years to allow my stepdaughter to live with us bc we have the financial means and support system to allow her to do the sports but her mom refuses! Last year we finally got her to say that my stepdaughter can stay with us for the summer and knowing that was too easy of an answer we were kind of expecting something to come up but didn't know what.. So to the point now So a couple weeks ago her mother throws a fast one at us and tells my step daughter that she was quitting a under the table good paying second job so that she can spend more time with her and take her to do things!! Which that's where it started now she is saying she can do cheerleading and says its up to ur dad bc it would evolve us to have our weekends given up to her sport ( forgot to add we live in a whole different state than our stepdaughter and barely get to see her but two times a month now) So if u haven't caught on already, she's doing this to set us up we believe bc she is counting on us to tell her no so that she would get upset with us and won't want to live with us eventually. Right now she's 10 and next year she can decide where she wants to live.. Ugh so aggrivated ppl use kids as pons!!
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommysteele3
by Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:01 PM
I might add:
Her mom was working two jobs and getting 500 in child support and saying that she still couldn't allow her to do anything bc she said she didn't have time or money to take her to sports that's why we offered but honestly think it was a cop out bc she doesn't do anything with her daughter. Example she takes her to the park and doesn't let her play she makes her run laps with her then they leave.. Instead of letting her play with the other kids..

About her being happier with us verses her mom that I honestly can say she has said several times she would be happy and wants to live with us which is why her mom is trying to get her to stay with her by quitting and allowing her to do sports now she thinks that's going to make a difference bc she's getting what she wants.. Just hard to explain to a 10yr old that her moms motives aren't in her best interest (in our eyes) bc her mom knows if she Leaves and comes to stay with us that her mom would loose the child support so it's all a plan to try and convince her to stay so she won't lose it. Hard to explain but now I'm stuck in the position of trying to help her see what's going on without pointing fingers (which I def need advise on) and trying to get my husband to see that this may back fire on him if he doesn't give up his weekends so she can do sports bc we do live in two different states. Ya know ?
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:01 PM

 five years is too long for grown adults to fight. Hope something is agreed upon and everyone can be at peace.

Mommysteele3
by Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:38 PM
Me too! Thank you for the kind words :)
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by Sapphire Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to Cafemom Elaine,
Keep focusing on your step daughter & remember to make sure she is top priority
Remind the bm of that too.

Nice to meet you :)

Quoting Mommysteele3: Quoting Mommysteele3: Hi everyone my name is Elaine, I have two biological kids one boy and one girl and I am also a step mom to a 10yr old daughter. So glad I found the support system as I am having some issues with my marriage currently bc of how situations with my step daughter verses my biological daughter are being handled! An I would love to gather some good support to be able to handle some situations! Bare with me it's a long story, I'll keep it short and to the point Anyone have any advice on this situation? So we have been fighting my stepdaughters mother to allow her to do sports since she was 5yrs old.. Her mother always said she was too busy or didn't have the money to help support her threw them. Now we have offered for several years to allow my stepdaughter to live with us bc we have the financial means and support system to allow her to do the sports but her mom refuses! Last year we finally got her to say that my stepdaughter can stay with us for the summer and knowing that was too easy of an answer we were kind of expecting something to come up but didn't know what.. So to the point now So a couple weeks ago her mother throws a fast one at us and tells my step daughter that she was quitting a under the table good paying second job so that she can spend more time with her and take her to do things!! Which that's where it started now she is saying she can do cheerleading and says its up to ur dad bc it would evolve us to have our weekends given up to her sport ( forgot to add we live in a whole different state than our stepdaughter and barely get to see her but two times a month now) So if u haven't caught on already, she's doing this to set us up we believe bc she is counting on us to tell her no so that she would get upset with us and won't want to live with us eventually. Right now she's 10 and next year she can decide where she wants to live.. Ugh so aggrivated ppl use kids as pons!!


terpmama
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 11:57 PM
2 moms liked this
I would suggest, if y'all can swing it, say yes and have dad travel on weekends to a hotel to be at cheer and still take his visits (so she can't claim in court that he abandoned her and skipped his time)...
sonnyswoman75
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 12:04 AM
Well hopefully it works out. It's always so hard on the kids when the parents don't get along.
coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 7:21 AM
I've never been in this situation so my advice might be doable but maybe say to SD that it's a great idea and include her in trying to find a way to make it fit the schedule. I saw you live in another state but is it a far drive? I might not be understanding correctly but if you've been pushing for her to be in sports for 5 years, were you willing to do the drive and/or give up some of your time with her so she could be on a team? If this is something you've wanted for a long time, why would it be an issue now? What is in the custody agreement as far as visitation?

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Mommysteele3
by Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 7:46 AM
Hi coolmommyx2
I am all for the sports! I am happy that her mom is going to let her do them finally but the issue is that her mom is only allowing her to be apart of something to make it look like her moms on her side finally.. Basically manipulating her to stay with her mom at this point.whole prob isnt so much abt the sport bc one way or another we will make it work we always do more for her in the end bc my husband and I both know how hard it is to have a split family as both of us came from one in our past as well. But the main prob is the manipulation that the mother keeps putting my sd threw and how much aggravation it's causing our household in trying to help my sd understand why her moms doing this to her.. U see we just got her to allow us to take her the whole summer so my sd was supper excited to finally come home and be here more than two nights in a row.. Now bc of the manipulation that her mom keeps promising her she's going to take her places and do more with her this summer it's causing my sd to think of the "stuff" or quanitity of things she's receiving verses quality time with family. So it's breaking our hearts bc now she doesn't know if she wants to even come stay the summer? It's just a very hard situation to cope with on my sd and us as parents bc we have tried in everyday to help her mom understand that all she is doing is hurting my sd and teaching her that stuff is more important than family.
Mommysteele3
by Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 7:48 AM
Sorry forgot to add the custody visit is every other weekend and then finally all summer with us but every other weekend with her mom during summer

she will be with us all weeks long and just goto her moms every other weekend.
sanj1213
by Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 2:50 PM
True

Quoting sonnyswoman75: Well hopefully it works out. It's always so hard on the kids when the parents don't get along.
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