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Once a cheater always a cheater?

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2017 at 7:11 PM
  • 21 Replies
What do you think? Is it true? I know it is in the case of someone who chronically cheated over a long period of time. But, what about someone who got married young and cheated on one or two occasions when the marriage was broken and the other spouse had already been caught lying and doing things they weren't supposed to do?

I personally was in a miserable 5-yr marriage, got married at 18, but I never cheated due to integrity and personal values. I'm trying to decide if I should completely write off someone who has cheated in a previous marriage.
by on Jan. 26, 2017 at 7:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Carrie on Jan. 26, 2017 at 7:59 PM
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Some people have this bad habit but it's not true for everyone.
by Flovely on Jan. 26, 2017 at 8:04 PM
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I don't lump cheaters together like that.  It can be a chronic occurrence for many but some do learn their lesson or just grow up.
I don't believe in that motto at all. 

by Emerald Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 8:17 PM

The above replies are certainly valid. Personally I would be doubtful about someone who cheated before, but don't go by my suspicions.

by Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 8:27 PM
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Not true for everyone I don't think.

When we are young we are stupid..vulnerable..impulsive..and flat out make bad decisions

I 100% believe maturity plays a huge role in this..for example, my SO and I have been together since 16/17 years old, we have both cheated in the past, but since have worked out our problems and trust each other 100%.  I can't see myself ever cheating again, and I have no worries about him either from the bottom of my heart.

However, there are guys I've met who I don't think will ever grow out of really is circumstantial to the individual person and their trust level

by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 10:01 PM

Quoting virginiamama71: Some people have this bad habit but it's not true for everyone.

by Member on Jan. 27, 2017 at 9:55 AM
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I personally believe there is always hope for change inside a person's heart. They have to be willing to recognize their sin and then decide to turn away from it. For some it comes more easily than others when they fully comprehend the offense and want to be transformed by the renewing of their mind. They want character that defines who they are. They have genuine remorse. They want to be forgiven to come clean rather than to get out from under the guilt of getting caught.

For others, they need help from an outside source. The person must retrain his mind and begin new patterns of thinking with the help of a counselor. He can go through all the right motions, but underneath all that it is a heart issue. Cheating is deception. As a man thinks in his heart, that's who he is. 

But in answer to your question, I would suggest reading stories of individuals who were set free from this life of deception and hear first hand from them that repenting from their ways allowed them to move forward as a new person. A person must want to be set free first, and yes, it does happen.

by Trica on Jan. 27, 2017 at 9:58 AM
Case by case, person by person. I don't know a 100%? Good luck.
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2017 at 9:59 AM
I don't think it's true for everyone.
by New Member on Feb. 7, 2017 at 6:01 PM

Hello and good to hear someone actually taking time to consider this or any other serious problem before entering into a relationship, whether a future spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  I don't think the issue is whether or not someone is once something, always something.  You may have been a drug addict and recover and never are one again and the same for any seriouly negative behaviour.  That said, it's more about who you are and what you would want in a partner.  And also, it's about starting a life with someone where you don't have added obtacles, because just learning to get along and becoming "one" is enough on it's own, let alone adding struggling about trust (an essential element of relationship building).  That said forgiveness and acceptance are admirable qualities and whether or not you want to be with this person needs to be about love, trust, values, faith, etc., so if you know you're on accord on all of these areas (and I don't mean superficially know, but after having had a number of counseling sessions in preparation for a serious relationship [say as in for a  marriage]and spending much time together), then it's possible that this particular historical setback won't be detrimental in becoming a couple.  In the end, look beyond just this particular issue, dig deeply in all core areas of importance to you: often areas like sharing the same faith [note that I didn't say religion], how you both handle money, values on having and raising children, etc.); evaluating yourself too (how are you when you're with this person, do they make you feel better about yourself, etc.); and being OBSERVANT (how does this person treat people everyday at the restaurant, while driving, etc.)  Learn more about them and you wiht them then concentrating on this particlar "red flag" issue, though it is not to be ignored.  Prayerfully hoping you the best in your decision! ;)

by on Feb. 7, 2017 at 6:13 PM
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I don't know about that, but someone who cheats is someone you can't trust.

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