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Betty is back! An update

Posted by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 3:03 AM
  • 33 Replies
5 moms liked this
Holy crap- it’s been a lot of years!

My phone reset to 2013 because I don’t ever back up, and I was chatting with another old timer and Cafemom got brought up. We both haven’t been on for years. Since I magically have my old password thought I would log on and say hi.

So first the history of Cafemom for anyone who wasn’t on this site 12 freaking years ago. Back when MySpace was alive and when there was no Facebook or twitter us ladies had to have our online lives somewhere- which is where Cafemom came in. It was like a weird online cult. We banned together, had massive amounts of fun, and stayed up all night refreshing our screens to see who commented back. Lots of drama, lots of fun- but more importantly I made friends I still have to this day.

I was an idiot back then with the perfect husband perfect life. So I let you all believe. Though I’m sure you all saw through the crack and noticed when it fell apart for me it came crashing down and I vanished. I was too vulnerable to post about what was going on in my life, let alone admit it to myself. I took a month off (which was a big deal for me) that turned into a year then good god life got busy it’s been probably 5+ years since I was active.

So let’s get to business and recap the then and now.

Back when you all knew me (if any old timers are around) I was Betty. Married to the rapper with one very cute little infant boy. My husband was out on tour or at a show so I was usually logged in glued to my screen. His career got bigger and I was a sahm so I just went with it- I would bring up things like “you’ve been on tour for a month, I haven’t seen you for 8 weeks” but alas - it was the reassession so the news told me though I never knew. I was a princess takeing care of home- if I did anything about it I’d be left broken and homeless.

Until one day he came home and said we are moving to New York. We lived in Portland. I loved my city. I loved my friends. I loved my life. I told him he was crazy. Told him no. He told me divorce. I graduated top of my college and decided to transfer to a top college in ny and comply.

So we moved.

Now if you’re around long enough you’ll remember my most epic and heart breaking post.

The movers stole everything we owned. There I was in a City my son and I hated with nothing. Those post are so heart breaking. I can’t even think about it now. It was the most devistating thing I’ve ever been through. I’ll cry if I think about it. So I won’t.

Anyway my son went to my college to a day care. Every morning he and I rode the subway back and fourth. We did not adjust. Not at all. I got straight As at the college but other than school we hated New York. Both of us. Hated the city. No quiet. Not nothing. Meanwhile my husband did his thing.

Now something i never talked about was I had money. Inheritance stashed away. It totaled about 100k. I told my husband that wasn’t his money to touch. It was for when he decided to pull his his head out of his ass to buy a house.

Now during this year in New York my husband didn’t work. I found out he blew through our savings then was paying bills with my house fund. I was pissed. Imagine how much rent costs a month in New York. What was he doing with his time???

My kid again hated New York. He had an imaginary friend who he talked to all the time. I would look at him and see how miserable he was- can’t go outside, can’t do anything. My husband said I could leave after a year. But I was in a pickle.

I was at the top of my college and was set to go to Columbia. I could stay and risk it and blow through my house money. But my kid was supposed to start kindergarten and the school was absolutely crap. I couldn’t do it.

I gave my husband half of the remainder of the house fund (about 20k) and in exchange he would allow us to leave without getting a court order on us- you can’t just leave a state with a child. He agreed happily.

So my dad flew to New York City and we packed up my uhaul (totally weird!) hopped on George Washington bridge and drove across the country to California.

Now I had 15k left of house money and a plan but boy do plans get messed up! I forgot little details like - a deposit in addition to my rent. ($3000) a car- in New York you ride the subway (I got a cheao car for $5k) the uhaul and trip alone cost me about 2k. In any regard I had to get a job. It was actually fine because my kiddo was in kinder and it was time. But I was making 13 an hour paying all my bills and somehow surviving (I also got a weekend job). My husband also made me waive child support by the way. Anyway I should have been terrified but I was flat broke and free. My kid was thriving. We were happy. I was so happy. For the first time in my life I didn’t know how I would pay the bills or even eat but I was happy.

Now a little thing. In New York I took photography classes and I fell in love. I took all I could take at my college. I had a crazy plan. I worked my tail bone off at my job and little by little saved very last penny until I could buy the next thing I needed to do more photography. Think about this- I can work 20 hours at my job and make $260 or work an hour and do something I was naturally perfect at and make the same amount.

So I worked at a bank 9-5. I worked as a maid on the weekends. And when I had time, after work, I’d book shoots. I was exhausted. It wasn’t easy. But then came a time where I worked out I could quit my jobs. Where I should quit my jobs and go for it.

This is actually an update to any woman out there that is too scared to leave their husband because they will starve. Oh- I starved. But my hunger pains were happy. So keep reading.

Anyway finally I saved up enough in pieces and had enough repeat clients that I felt ok quitting. I quit the maid job. I quit the bank job and I went for it.

And I did it. I created a company based around marketing and photography. I take in well over 100k a year and have several employees. I’m only saying this to motivate you- before I quit everything else I was making 30k a year if I was lucky. It’s been the most amazing creation of my existence outside my child.

Anyway the even longer update is that my husbands college friend was something more- they ended up having a baby and are unhappy married now days.

I met the most amazing supportive and hilarious man. Yes— if you’re an old timer I’m gonna get a lecture. He isn’t the typical hot firefighter I’d be attracted to- he is a little chubby, has great hair and literally has the best personality. I cry laugh when we are together. He is perfect for me in every way. When we were dating he said to me, “I know I’m not Elijah’s dad, but his dad isn’t around. I know we aren’t serious but I would like to please step into a male roll for him” I of course being stubborn made that very difficult (well I thought I’m the mom he doesn’t need a dad)- but you can’t keep two best friends apart. Yep- the boys totally noped me there. My husband proposed over won ton soup and we got married in the most beautiful ceremony last year. He makes sure to remind me “you and Elijah are all the family I need- I can’t imagine having another kid. He is the only one I’ll ever love like my own” so no more kids for us.

So that’s it. my kid and I left New York, went through 5 years of terrible poverty, and somehow overcame it and lost 179 lbs of dead weight (my ex husband) and gained about 239 of extra awesomeness. We are so so happy, so healthy and thriving.

*poating on my phone- forgive any errors **
by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 3:03 AM
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Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
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Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by Sapphire Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 3:02 PM

Welcome back to CM,
So glad all is going well for you now :)

Bmat
by Emerald Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

What an experience! I am glad you are happy and healthy now. Welcome back!

wandep
by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome back to CM.

SissyAnn141
by Platinum Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 11:24 PM

Welcome Back................group hug

Trouser.Mouse
by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
First, I just want to say hi and that I missed you. I'm not even sure what my SN was when you left. I think it was this one.

Okay, I'll go read your post now.
Trouser.Mouse
by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Btw, everyone is in Mom Confessions now.
jas_momof2
by Silver Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 12:08 AM

What a ride!  I am glad everything worked out for you!  Welcome back!

TheRaz
by New Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so happy I saw this! This makes me so happy for you, I think about you from time to time and hope you're out there being you're awesome self, and apparently you stepped up that awesome! :)
OctoberReign
by Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Was there another Betty? Because I swear I’ve seen this sn in MC not too long ago...
amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 10:48 AM

Welcome back! Congratulations on finding your happily ever after. I'm happy for you.

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