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Disrespectful 9 year old

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2017 at 1:03 PM
  • 20 Replies
My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to discipline our 9 almost 10 year old. He is a very gifted, bright child. He has always done well in school, and gets awards at school for excellent behavior. However, at home he is a different child. He is disrespectful and crude. He uses potty language constantly saying words like penis, butthole, poop, etc. He’s constantly making crude jokes and gestures even though we’ve told him multiple times that this is inappropriate behavior. We’ve taken things away from him, and yet he continues. He’s also started using the word “freaking”. He decided that he would call me by my first and middle name with “freaking “ in the middle of it instead of Mom. For example he will refer to me as First Name Freaking Middle Name. My husband , my mom, and countless others have told him how disrespectful and rude this is. Yet, he doesn’t stop. We take his phone away or electronics, yet as soon as he gets them back, the potty mouth and disrespectful attitude is back. At night, he will feel guilty and tell us he is sorry for using the foul language and calling me the disrespectful name. However, when we pick him up at the end of the day, he is right back at it. He also continuously tells his 4 year old brother that he is stupid and he should go kill himself. I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end with this child. It’s hard to get people to believe us that he is this way because he puts on a totally different persona at school. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!!



by on Nov. 6, 2017 at 1:03 PM
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virginiamama71
by Carrie on Nov. 6, 2017 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this
He's old enough to know right from wrong.
It's serious if he's really telling his brother to kill himself.

Try counseling/ therapy.
They should be able to figure him out.
hugss
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by Sapphire Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 1:45 PM

Sorry to hear this,
Sounds like ne needs some counseling.
Keep taking things away for longer periods of time :)

Quoting Bella5678: My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to discipline our 9 almost 10 year old. He is a very gifted, bright child. He has always done well in school, and gets awards at school for excellent behavior. However, at home he is a different child. He is disrespectful and crude. He uses potty language constantly saying words like penis, butthole, poop, etc. He’s constantly making crude jokes and gestures even though we’ve told him multiple times that this is inappropriate behavior. We’ve taken things away from him, and yet he continues. He’s also started using the word “freaking”. He decided that he would call me by my first and middle name with “freaking “ in the middle of it instead of Mom. For example he will refer to me as First Name Freaking Middle Name. My husband , my mom, and countless others have told him how disrespectful and rude this is. Yet, he doesn’t stop. We take his phone away or electronics, yet as soon as he gets them back, the potty mouth and disrespectful attitude is back. At night, he will feel guilty and tell us he is sorry for using the foul language and calling me the disrespectful name. However, when we pick him up at the end of the day, he is right back at it. He also continuously tells his 4 year old brother that he is stupid and he should go kill himself. I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end with this child. It’s hard to get people to believe us that he is this way because he puts on a totally different persona at school. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!!


pinkdaisy8864
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 1:47 PM

Yes, both of these are what I was going to say.

Eventually he WILL get tired of losing things. And it sounds like he really needs some help for some of it, while some of it might be regular tween boy things.

Quoting hugss:

Sorry to hear this,Sounds like ne needs some counseling.Keep taking things away for longer periods of time :)

Quoting Bella5678: My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to discipline our 9 almost 10 year old. He is a very gifted, bright child. He has always done well in school, and gets awards at school for excellent behavior. However, at home he is a different child. He is disrespectful and crude. He uses potty language constantly saying words like penis, butthole, poop, etc. He’s constantly making crude jokes and gestures even though we’ve told him multiple times that this is inappropriate behavior. We’ve taken things away from him, and yet he continues. He’s also started using the word “freaking”. He decided that he would call me by my first and middle name with “freaking “ in the middle of it instead of Mom. For example he will refer to me as First Name Freaking Middle Name. My husband , my mom, and countless others have told him how disrespectful and rude this is. Yet, he doesn’t stop. We take his phone away or electronics, yet as soon as he gets them back, the potty mouth and disrespectful attitude is back. At night, he will feel guilty and tell us he is sorry for using the foul language and calling me the disrespectful name. However, when we pick him up at the end of the day, he is right back at it. He also continuously tells his 4 year old brother that he is stupid and he should go kill himself. I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end with this child. It’s hard to get people to believe us that he is this way because he puts on a totally different persona at school. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!!


PrincessAsmommy
by Silver Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 2:00 PM
2 moms liked this

I was going to say welcome to the tween years but the things he says to his brother sent up a red flag. Has there been anything going on in his world that would change the norm? Trouble at school? Problems with friends? Try having a talk with him and see if he'll open up even a little. Make sure you are in a safe and private place with few distractions and just let the conversation happen. As long as he knows you are there to listen, and love no matter what he should open up even if it's just a little. Then if you need to see if he can talk to the school counselor. You may need to find another method of discipline if taking things away isn't doing it. He's old enough to understand when he's gone too far and that all actions have consequences. But if he's hurting or scared or in flux in any way that basic knowledge goes out the window and the acting out becomes a cry for help.

wandep
by on Nov. 6, 2017 at 2:03 PM

Welcome to Cafemom. I agree with this.

Quoting hugss:

Sorry to hear this,Sounds like ne needs some counseling.Keep taking things away for longer periods of time :)

Quoting Bella5678: My husband and I are struggling to figure out how to discipline our 9 almost 10 year old. He is a very gifted, bright child. He has always done well in school, and gets awards at school for excellent behavior. However, at home he is a different child. He is disrespectful and crude. He uses potty language constantly saying words like penis, butthole, poop, etc. He’s constantly making crude jokes and gestures even though we’ve told him multiple times that this is inappropriate behavior. We’ve taken things away from him, and yet he continues. He’s also started using the word “freaking”. He decided that he would call me by my first and middle name with “freaking “ in the middle of it instead of Mom. For example he will refer to me as First Name Freaking Middle Name. My husband , my mom, and countless others have told him how disrespectful and rude this is. Yet, he doesn’t stop. We take his phone away or electronics, yet as soon as he gets them back, the potty mouth and disrespectful attitude is back. At night, he will feel guilty and tell us he is sorry for using the foul language and calling me the disrespectful name. However, when we pick him up at the end of the day, he is right back at it. He also continuously tells his 4 year old brother that he is stupid and he should go kill himself. I don’t know what to do. I am at my wits end with this child. It’s hard to get people to believe us that he is this way because he puts on a totally different persona at school. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!!


1210maggie
by Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 2:26 PM

DD When DD turned 10, the little 9 year old girl l I kissed goodnight left and this evil 10 year old showed up the next morning.  I do notice that her attitude has a lot do with the amount of sleep and sugar she gets. This year her field hockey practices 4 nights a week I expected major attitude but she has been surprisingly pleasant and is doing well in school. She did sit out the 2nd game because at she mouth off to me but since then it’s been pretty good. I told her if she acted out she would sit out and I told her coach why she sat out. The coach chose not to disclose it to the rest of the team. 

DD tried calling us by our first names told her she had a choice mom and dad or mr and Mrs. She decided to call us mom and dad. 

I say figure out what he loves and make him work for it. 

Good luck. 

AForbes
by New Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 2:47 PM
2 moms liked this
The second time he spoke to you like that, the phone should have never been returned. He knows what he can get away with and he knows that the consequences aren't severe enough to bother stopping. He doesn't respect you because he knows he can manipulate you. Don't give in to the sad eyes and apologies. I know it's difficult but it's really in the best interest for him, your other son and yourself. Next time X happens, item Y is never being returned etc. After this happens a couple of times he should get the picture. I would also suggest counseling to get to the bottom of this.
amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 6:37 PM

Have you thought about counseling? It sounds like he's got an anger streak.

silverbuttons
by Member on Nov. 6, 2017 at 7:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with the counseling suggestions plus him knowing he can manipulate you.  But you also want to make sure each of the kids get one on one quality time with each adult in the home.  That can go a long way in making each of them feel loved and valued.  You might also get some books on discipline at the library.

Pearl_pond
by Member on Nov. 7, 2017 at 2:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Take every single one of his toys away. Seriously.

For a set period of time.

if he still doesnt realize you mean business, get rid of them. 


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