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Feelings for BD & splitting time

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 5:34 PM
  • 2 Replies
Hi I should introduce myself and give a little back story. I am a 30 year old mother to 2 children - a 7 yr old boy who's father lives with me and is in a relationship with me, and a newborn baby girl born in November from a drunken night of fun with a guy I just met who has turned out to be an awesome father. (My bf -or son's dad- & I were split up when I got pregnant with my daughter).

So I just wanted to join the site for advice and encouragement and to vent. I'm having a hard time right now. I didn't expect my daughter's father (we will call him "D") to be in her life the way he is now. We spoke every week throughout the 9 months of pregnancy but that's about it. I kinda planned to raise her alone with my mother and son's dad's help. But since he has been coming around I have noticed I have started developing real feelings for him. He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship right now. He recently got into some minor trouble, lost his job and truck and is currently looking for work and is staying with a friend closer to where I live in order to find work and a place to live to permanently be closer to his daughter. He has told me "you never know what can happen in 6months, or a year...." (Regarding a relationship) Now, to me that sounds like BS like hes kinda leading me on. But maybe he DOES need more time to see how he feels about me. I'm having trouble not getting defensive though at times when he is around. This is because it's hard to keep my feelings for him a secret and him not showing me the attention I'm wanting I believe. Any advice for dealing with these emotions? And yes I understand I am in a relationship but I also can't help how I feel.

Here's my second, even bigger issue. "D""s family lives an hour away. I do trust him & his family with my baby but they want to take her for Christmas Eve and I'm really hurt because I'm not wanted there by "D". He claims i don't need to be there because we "aren't together", this makes me feel very bad about myself. All I wanted was to meet the family of my daughter and be included. I feel like, so WHAT if we aren't together!? I could tell him EASILY that HE isn't allowed to be coming over daily to see his baby at MY house around MY family bc we " aren't together "...pshhh. but I DONT. at first I said no.i didn't want him to take her. I told him she's too young and if I can't go, she can't go. But then I decided I didn't want to look like the crazy ass baby mama who won't let their child visit her family with the dad all because he doesn't want to be with me. So I told him okay, he can take her as long as he brings her back first thing in the AM. Anyways, sorry this is long but am I WRONG?! How do I deal with all of my emotions regarding all this stuff? It's really taking over me and messing with my self esteem.

Any insight would be appreciated & ty in advance!
by on Dec. 15, 2017 at 5:34 PM
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Bmat
by Emerald Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 6:48 PM

I agree with your gut feeling that this guy isn't good for you or your daughter. I hope he is providing child support. Don't send her with him, it isn't impossible that he might not bring her back. I'm not saying it would happen, but it could.

Keep her with you. If he wants to have legal right to have her visit, then he needs to also pay child support, legally, and since he has no job and no place of his own, that isn't likely to happen.

I know this all sounds terribly harsh, but alarm bells rang in my head the whole time I was reading your message. I am sorry you are having this happen. 

Clarity-1
by Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 8:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I would never leave my child amongst anyone that I do not know no matter what the circumstances are. You don't know the family of the father of your child. It is good that he does want to be involved in your child's life. However, he needs to be willing to introduce and familiarize you with his family. You both will be involved in each other's lives forever. I also agree with Bmat... alarms rang reading this post as well. He might not bring your child back as you mentioned in your post that you conceived with whom you just met. Good luck to you!

Quoting NolaMama504: Hi I should introduce myself and give a little back story. I am a 30 year old mother to 2 children - a 7 yr old boy who's father lives with me and is in a relationship with me, and a newborn baby girl born in November from a drunken night of fun with a guy I just met who has turned out to be an awesome father. (My bf -or son's dad- & I were split up when I got pregnant with my daughter).

So I just wanted to join the site for advice and encouragement and to vent. I'm having a hard time right now. I didn't expect my daughter's father (we will call him "D") to be in her life the way he is now. We spoke every week throughout the 9 months of pregnancy but that's about it. I kinda planned to raise her alone with my mother and son's dad's help. But since he has been coming around I have noticed I have started developing real feelings for him. He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship right now. He recently got into some minor trouble, lost his job and truck and is currently looking for work and is staying with a friend closer to where I live in order to find work and a place to live to permanently be closer to his daughter. He has told me "you never know what can happen in 6months, or a year...." (Regarding a relationship) Now, to me that sounds like BS like hes kinda leading me on. But maybe he DOES need more time to see how he feels about me. I'm having trouble not getting defensive though at times when he is around. This is because it's hard to keep my feelings for him a secret and him not showing me the attention I'm wanting I believe. Any advice for dealing with these emotions? And yes I understand I am in a relationship but I also can't help how I feel.

Here's my second, even bigger issue. "D""s family lives an hour away. I do trust him & his family with my baby but they want to take her for Christmas Eve and I'm really hurt because I'm not wanted there by "D". He claims i don't need to be there because we "aren't together", this makes me feel very bad about myself. All I wanted was to meet the family of my daughter and be included. I feel like, so WHAT if we aren't together!? I could tell him EASILY that HE isn't allowed to be coming over daily to see his baby at MY house around MY family bc we " aren't together "...pshhh. but I DONT. at first I said no.i didn't want him to take her. I told him she's too young and if I can't go, she can't go. But then I decided I didn't want to look like the crazy ass baby mama who won't let their child visit her family with the dad all because he doesn't want to be with me. So I told him okay, he can take her as long as he brings her back first thing in the AM. Anyways, sorry this is long but am I WRONG?! How do I deal with all of my emotions regarding all this stuff? It's really taking over me and messing with my self esteem.

Any insight would be appreciated & ty in advance!
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