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Leaving a covert narcissist

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2018 at 10:54 AM
  • 6 Replies
I've been married to a covert narcissist for the past 10 years. I didn't know it till it was too late. It's hard to put in words. Imagine anytime you try to have a conversation with your husband about anything deeper than the weather, or football you get yelled at. Or if he doesn't like the way a conversation is going he gets to drag our kids in it just so I give up on talking. Now Im divorcing him, I'm afraid of the manipulation , and guilt trips he will try to send my kids on. I wish the divorce could be civil, but I know him. He plays every person he comes in contact with....even told me" don't you get it these are the type of people I use". I'm sure I fall in that category for him. people flock to him they love him, they don't know what he really is. Wish he would disappear from our lives. But I know that won't happen. I have to pull together whatever self worth I have left and distance my kids and myself from this nut.
by on Jan. 16, 2018 at 10:54 AM
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Replies (1-6):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jan. 16, 2018 at 11:03 AM
Get a good attorney.
LancesMom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 16, 2018 at 11:19 AM

First of all, I am so sorry.

I also agree with the previous poster, but I would like to add, a REALLY good attorney. I would even ask around to find one who knows how to deal with the manipulation of a narcissist. 

You need to be prepared for him trying to get your kids and be willing to paint you in one pretty bad picture at all costs of winning.

You also need to be prepared for this to continue throughout the years. The need for them to retaliate will come at any time and often (Usually when they have lost at something else or found themselves in more trouble) They have that need to pull people back in to manipulate and chew up and throw out again. 

First thought for me would be to never trust him and if you can avoid contact I would seriously consider it.


merriemoe
by Member on Jan. 16, 2018 at 2:11 PM
A dear friend of mine is doing the same. He tries to make everyone think she’s the piece of crap that he actually is.
I am sending hope and good thoughts your way and yes please get a shark attorney!
Bmat
by Emerald Member on Jan. 16, 2018 at 2:14 PM

Tsk!! I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree with the above to make sure your attorney knows about the guy's gift of manipulation.

snflwrgrl
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 11:04 PM
I’m so sorry!! you are going through this. :( My husband was very manipulative and I was so afraid when he left me and our two boys and filed for divorce that he was going to be able to charm everybody, the mediator, the judge, etc. I remember reading a book in court that really comforted me during that time called, “Come Away My Beloved” and I clung to Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper”. Fortunately they did see through him but it didn’t stop him from taking me to court for four years. :’( The kid’s shoes were too small, the kid’s shoes were too big. I wish I were kidding. :( But God never stopped protecting me. I found out things that were going on during this time that I didn’t know about until years later and it was then that I could really see all the ways God had protected me and my children. The mediator told me that kids just need one stable parent to turn out okay and I was determined to be that parent. I’m happy to tell you my sons have grown into good, big-hearted young men. =) I also went to DivorceCare. Have you ever heard of it? It helped put me in touch with other women who were going through the same emotions I was and it gave me the tools I desperately!! needed to start the healing process. Maybe it can help you too. <3 It’s offered nationwide so there’s a good chance you can find one in your area. :) I talked to my pastor too and my boys and I saw a Christian counselor. Both gave me sound advice and the counselor was a safe place for my kids to talk about what was going on when they were with their dad. Do you have anyone like that you can talk to? Please know that you are not alone. I will be praying for protection for you and for your children. I hope to hear from you again. I’m glad you reached out!
cafemommb4
by New Member on Feb. 2, 2018 at 7:01 AM
I understand part of what you’re going through. The part that reads, “Imagine anytime you try to have a conversation with your husband about anything deeper than the weather, or football…,” because I’ve felt the same hurt inside. But please remember this fact – you have worth, value, a purpose and a reason for why you’re here. No one can take these truths away from who you are. These traits are inherent in us and are to be realized and believed. If anyone tries to take these truths away from you, they won’t succeed. What I sense in you is someone who will not allow her circumstance to claim her a victim, but instead a loving individual who chooses to share her love with others. Believe that a husband and wife are individuals with differences, but yet one in their commitment to love each other. You can have that again. But for now, you may want to continue sharing your love for your children while making life better for them. Please know that I care.
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