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What’s considered “cheating”

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2018 at 2:22 AM
  • 5 Replies
I’ve been in a relationship w my now husband for 13 years. It’s been a revolving door of “same sh!t” different day. He seems emotionally checked out, doesn’t help at home w anything 98% of the time. He works all the time to support us, so I know he’s tired. Has no sex drive, like once a month if I’m lucky. Has no real effort that he makes to make me feel loved or wanted, or towards our daughter. We see each other about 3 hrs a day if we’re lucky, haven’t been out to do anything in months.
Recently I went out w a gf for some drinks and met some guys who happen to be in the Navy. I am not a cheater, and would never physically cheat on him. I would get a divorce first if I ever really felt the need to sleep w someone. Admittingly- at times it is challenging going weeks begging for sex and getting nothing from your husband... Once a month? Seriously? Anyhow these guys were super fun, charming, and I gave one my number under the circumstance friends n was like of course. He said they’d give us a call the next time they were in town to meet up for drinks and to hang out. My husband knows all this, and my gf & I ended up hanging out w them- strictly platonic two days later for a couple drinks. Here’s my delema... The guy found me on another app site and I added him- I also told my husband. I feel it’s not inappropriate but it’s borderline bc he says things like, “that turned me on”. I’m not sure if he’s joking bc it was about me telling the super young guy that I am so old I could be his mommy- maybe he’s about to puke in his mouth but says something like that- idk ??? We’ve been talking back and forth for a couple days now. He has thrown out a few comments that are again borderline sexual but nothing that irritates me- I just ignore it or make a joke out of it. I told him I’m married and don’t want his nuts. He said I know your mar tied... blah blah blah. Im not interested in him for sex (oddly enough bc he’s super cute & again I get none). I am just happy that I have someone new to talk to. There’s so much of this that I’m leaving out for time sake- one big part is I told him we wouldn’t meet them out to be in the way and 🐔block their “fun”. They brought girls home from the bar, but still hung out w us at the same time. If that helps any with how serious I am about being totally platonic.
I’m not the one pushing my husband out, I’ve suggested EVERYTHING to help us get back to where we need to be and his lack of effort is literally killing me. Again- I am not the one making my husband feel like he’s nothing, unappreciated, unwanted, and no sex like he’s repeatedly done to me for 12 yrs. He never says mean things but his whole demeanor is just miserable. I’m the complete opposite. I constantly tell him how much we appreciate everything he does for us & im always trying to make him feel wanted. So if you were in my shoes & you’re not looking for sex, and you’re not getting emotionally invested in this guy you’ve befriended. I don’t want to do anything that would jeapordize my marriage by talking to the guy, but I also really think he’s an interesting person and could be a real friend. My husband knows I’m talking back and forth w him, n part of me almost thinks my husband wants me to go do something w him just to get rid of me... he’s also 1800 miles away. I feel it’s harmless, but can see both sides. If it was my husband I’d lose my shit. In the same regard- I’m not the one making my spouse think they are worthless shit and unwanted. No he’s not cheating on me- unless it’s somehow through his phone? Bc he’s ALWAYS on it and doesn’t interact with me much.
by on Feb. 8, 2018 at 2:22 AM
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by Emerald Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 11:32 AM

Your message is a little hard to read since it has no paragraph breaks. I'd say that first of all your husband needs to have a complete physical to rule out underlying physical problems. It may be that he is simply exhausted. Be sure that you pamper him as much as you can.

As far as the other people who are making moves on you, forget it. Give your husband a break and stop with the thoughts of straying.

by New Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 11:34 AM
I read your story and can relate 98% not totally 100 cuz here is wherr MY situation differs. Seizures make ME feel useless to my self and our children cause i can not drive anymore and that its self puts the breaks on things. However after an old friend whi had been in love with me for years and i knew it contacted me on fb and told me all the things i wasnt hearing from my husband anymore i crossed the line and after what once was a otherwise PERFECT marriage I left. He had done no wrong it was all me. I've been back home for going on 4 years now we been together since 03 and while he let me come home I am the one who regrets ever leaving or cheating i pray everyday that i can forgive MYSELF cause the struggle is real cause he has forgiven me COMPLETELY and never mentions it. I guess what I'm saying is just BE CAREFUL&TRUST YOUR INNER SELF cause you know right from wrong cause I didn't and it was the most miserable year of my life being away from my family cause he had the kids too due to the fact in my state if you have your physcial custody you have full custody untill a court says otherwise and about a month into it he took the kids for a visit and decided he wasn't giving them back and i couldn't push it so i had to leave with out them that day too. It was best for them i see it now but at the time i had no other choice and new that my living siuation at that time was unacceptable at that point

by New Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I would suggest having your husband go see a doctor, if he's willing.  There might be something that they can prescribe that will change some of that.  Or you can always see a therapist?  I am not sure what the underlying thing may be for him or you.  It might be good to get some advice.  Praying for you!

by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 10:41 PM

Emotional affairs are still affairs.  Something to consider.  And I agree with the others, it sounds like dh needs to have a check up.

by Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 11:58 PM

Keep this up and it's just a matter of time before you have an affair with this guy. You and your husband should go on vacation alone!

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