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Terrible Fours??

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2018 at 1:05 PM
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I'm brand new to CafeMom, and my main reason for joining is to gain advice on parenting a difficult child. My daughter is 4, and she has the nastiest attitude I have EVER seen in a child this young. My husband and I do our best to instill positivity, kindness, appreciation and open-mindedness in Paxton. And when she's good, she's the sweetest person alive. It's the bad times though.... they leave us asking "what have we done wrong?"
by on Mar. 19, 2018 at 1:05 PM
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Bellabutt09
by New Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 1:09 PM
Can I ask what kind of behavior? My daughter was the same until she got punishment. She would get timeouts and lose toys or movie times. It helps but you have to be consistent an stick with ut. Also give her options. Ex: if you behave this was you lose this toy for so many minutes. If you behave this was you get a choice of fun time. Things like this help them establish independence without the harsh punishments of spankings. It's tough but you are doing them a favor by being strict and teaching good behavior. Hope this helps! It did with my daughter but every child is different.
Pink.Sunshine
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 2:51 PM
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Sometimes it’s just the child’s temperament, sometimes it’s an underlying condition the child is reacting to. I’d start with my pediatrician & see if you can get a referral to counseling or therapy to find out why she’s behaving that way
_thegreenmomma
by New Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 6:21 PM
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We've tried various punishments, but it's her anger that is the biggest issue. With every punishment, her temper flares. I suppose the next step is meeting with her pediatrician.
Pink.Sunshine
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 6:51 PM
My son had anger issues like that. It was because he was being overstimulated. Hopefully you can find out why

Quoting _thegreenmomma: We've tried various punishments, but it's her anger that is the biggest issue. With every punishment, her temper flares. I suppose the next step is meeting with her pediatrician.
mom22Feb
by Member on Mar. 19, 2018 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I found the same in the little girl I Nanny when she was 4,turned 5 in December. Her parents and I found she needed to express what she was feeling and have it validated.She also needed consequences when she threw all the books off her bookcase and threw her clothes out of her dresser. All the clothes and books went into parent's room. I found a book which was helpful called" How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." I call it the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde syndrome. My youngest who is sensitive and artistic would react, while my oldest did not. I think it really depends on the temperament of the child. Be encouraged, as this too shall pass. You are not a bad parent when your child misbehaves anymore than a wonderful parent when they behave. They have a free will and they are determined to exercise it.

Linda_Runs
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 10:03 AM

First, welcome to Cafe Mom. 

Next, it should pass.  You have heard of the Terrible Two's and you are experiencing the Terrible Four's.  Wait until the Terrible Ten's.  Neither of my children went through the Terrible Two's.  My oldest went through the Terrible Four's and the Terrible Ten's.  My youngest is going through the Terrible Ten's right now.

The questions you are asking yourself are normal and show that you are a very concerned mom.

Linda_Runs
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

That might not be a bad idea.  If she gets sent for an evaluation, be very careful.  These so called professionals are so quick to throw terms around like ADHD, ADD, ODD and others.  I read that 16% of the time these diagnosis's are wrong.

Quoting _thegreenmomma: We've tried various punishments, but it's her anger that is the biggest issue. With every punishment, her temper flares. I suppose the next step is meeting with her pediatrician.


_thegreenmomma
by New Member on Mar. 20, 2018 at 8:00 PM
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Yes, that is a concern of mine. I do not believe she fits that profile, and I am not looking to medicate her in any way. I want to understand her more and in turn maybe she will understand me better as well.


Quoting Linda_Runs:

That might not be a bad idea.  If she gets sent for an evaluation, be very careful.  These so called professionals are so quick to through terms around like ADHD, ADD, ODD and others.  I read that 16% of the time these diagnosis's are wrong.

Quoting _thegreenmomma: We've tried various punishments, but it's her anger that is the biggest issue. With every punishment, her temper flares. I suppose the next step is meeting with her pediatrician.

Linda_Runs
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2018 at 8:12 AM

That is an awesome way to look at it.  In the meantime dig deep for those patience as you are going to need them.

Quoting _thegreenmomma: Yes, that is a concern of mine. I do not believe she fits that profile, and I am not looking to medicate her in any way. I want to understand her more and in turn maybe she will understand me better as well.
Quoting Linda_Runs:

That might not be a bad idea.  If she gets sent for an evaluation, be very careful.  These so called professionals are so quick to throw terms around like ADHD, ADD, ODD and others.  I read that 16% of the time these diagnosis's are wrong.

Quoting _thegreenmomma: We've tried various punishments, but it's her anger that is the biggest issue. With every punishment, her temper flares. I suppose the next step is meeting with her pediatrician.


Momplus7
by New Member on Mar. 23, 2018 at 2:13 PM

My 8-year-old has always been very defiant towards authority, to the point of being diagnosed with ODD at age 4. After visiting a neuropsychologist for another issue, we learned that he has an expressive language disorder that made it hard for him to express his wants and needs verbally. That inability resulted in the anger and frustration. I recommend talking to your doctor about her behavior, there may be an underlying condition.

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