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Next door...

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:00 PM
  • 6 Replies
We moved to a wonderful home a few months ago. I'm excited because my middle child is starting kindergarten and her school is on the next street.
I'm thrilled that all three of my kids have other kids to play with.
Now comes the problem... There are two little girls that are close to my daughter's ages and they come over all the time. At first I thought it was great and nice for them to play over here but now I feel that this is too much. I started to tell the girls that they can no longer play with clothes because they never pick them up and if they are hungry I tell them they should go home. I don't mind giving them snacks but then they just start to demand more and more. They never say thank you and if I catch them leaving I get them to come back to clean up what they played with but then to get excuses that they only played with one thing (which I know is not true).
My girls rarely go over to their house and their mom never calls to thank me for having her girls over. I've had all of her kids over for lunch and dinner. I took her son up to the lake for the day and heard nothing from her or her son.
When I see her she never says hi or waves. One day she was talking to my husband and when I came out she turned and walked away.
I really don't know how to handle this without jeopardizing my kids being able to play with hers.
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:00 PM
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by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:13 PM
Hi- we have kids about the same ages.  I had this problem, though we have since moved. The boy across the street came over all the time and wasn't very nice and never cleaned up.  His mom was nice to me, but she was a fundamentalist and I wasn't always comfortable around her.   I was raised in  a home outside of town, so we never had comings and goings of neighborhood kids, and it still makes me uneasy.  Sometimes you just don't want company!  but your situation is different.  I've read about putting out a flag or some other indication that its okay to come over.  I think you just have to keep enforcing the rules of your home.  Establish snack times and stick to it, maybe make them play outside most of the time.  What a thorny problem.  Have you approached the other mom?  Could you call her to ask if the kids could play over there while you run a short errand?  What does your husband say?
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:18 PM
I haven't talked to her, mostly because I'm afraid of what may happened. I have a feeling that she thinks that her kids are well behaved all the time. My husband works out town and is gone during the week. He just listens to me.I've never been in a situation like this and feel like it's a fine line.
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:26 PM
wow this is a tough one. I would try calling the mom and speaking to her about play time... tell her that sometimes you would like the kids to play at her place. or maybe you just want your kids to stay home and spend some family time. let me know if you figure it out.
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:30 PM
Yes, it is.  My former neighbor never was able to see her son's behavior issues either, and I never wanted to tell someone "how to raise their child".  It got to the point where when he misbehaved, I sent him home.  I don't think he liked me for awhile.  Now when I see him at Peyton's school, he is nice and polite- a total turnaround. 
Could you limit the time of the visits?  Like when they come, say they can stay for hour, but then they have to go home because you have family plans, or have to get dinner started.  If my kids wanted to invite kids to dinner, I told them that while I would love to have "Jane" stay, I hadn't planned for company and it wasn't possible tonight. 
I don;t know if any of this helps.  I wish I had more concrete answers for you.
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:38 PM
sometimes there is not to much you can say that will make any difference, the boy who used to come over and play with my son used to love to make messes and go on to different things to make messes with and when it came time to clean up, well he always had a headache, we feed him also with snacks and drinks.... he didnt like that we dont give our son soda or sugary drinks, and would always  say but my mom gives me soda.... so i started tellin him then he needs to go home for soda.....after awhile i had to just stop lettin him come was hard on my son but when my son goes to their house he has to clean and use manners, i dont know what to say about whay you can do but it wouldnt be so bad to stop lettin them come over till they learn the house rules and how to follow them........ as for your daughter goin to their house ...well that woman sounds kinda shady and maybe its better she dont go to their house
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 1:31 PM
walk next door.

knock on the door.

talk to her about what's bothering you, straight up.

it might not be as bad as you think.

communication's key.
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