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New to help a new mommy

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:26 PM
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Okay mommies, I need your help. My friend just found out she is pregnant, and she is freaking out. She can't stop crying, she is thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong. couple of the things she is freaked about.

1. she is a smoker and a drinker, not heavily just every now and then, she is so scared that she has hurt the baby, since she has been drinking and smoking recently.
2. She has the disorder that one side of her body is bigger than the other. You can't tell at all by looking at her, you would have to know she has it and she would have to point it out where its bigger. Seriously YOU CANT TELL AT ALL. I know about it and I still can't tell. So naturally she is scared the baby is going to have it, b/c they dont know if its genetic
3. She doesnt really care for kids. She loves my son, and other kids, but never really wanted one of her own. So she doesnt think she will ever be emotionally attached to the baby.

I've talked her, comforted her, let her know that it was going to be okay, its natural to be scared. But Im there for her, did I mention we will be living together in about a month. her and my cousin(her boyfriend) and my husband, son and I are all renting a house. So when I say im there IM REALLY THERE. But I just thought I would post something to see if you any others mom have experienced this and could help me.

I also told her that of course because she is so scared she is thinking about all the bad stuff, and though easier said than done she needs to think of the good things that will come too. I told her everytime she thinks of something bad, think of what the good thing that could come from that is. That might help her.

Please mommies help me help her!!!!
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:26 PM
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Chile
by on Jun. 14, 2007 at 12:38 PM
All of those feelings of not wanting a child or feeling she wouldn't connect I believe will change as soon as she has the baby, and can change during the pregnancy she like you said has to look on the positive side. And it sounds like she has a great friend there for her. She does need to quit the drinking and smoking entirely now, if she hasn't. How far along if she? That would depend on the percentage of the risk she has set for the baby. Has she talked to a doctor about that? Because my friend couldn't quit smoking and her baby had pyloric stenosis because of it, along with a combination of the stress in her life. Your friend should calm down and relax and think of the positive, maybe take her out to stores and look at baby furniture and clothes, giving her a mental picture of what it will be like, and maybe having her focus on setting up the room and being prepared instead of focusing on the bad. Also reassure her it's not her fault, it sounds like she didn't know she was pregnant, so and she was doing something she does every now and again, but she shouldn't focus on that. Maybe after she see's an ob-gyn they can recommend a genetisis, and they can calculate the percentage of if they baby will get what she has or not. That will help put her mind at ease too. They always offer that option if there are suspiousions that maybe the mom is worried about.  I hope I helped. It is so great you are there for her. Take care, and I'm sure she'll come around during the rest of her pregnancy knowing she has such caring friends and family.  
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