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the doctor lectured me on " the disney-fication of our generation" so how do i break it???

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 1:32 AM
  • 31 Replies
i have a nine month old little girl who is just a complete ham. she cracks me up, but shes developing some habits already that im just not sure are "normal". although very funny to sit back and watch, i guess i really have to discipline her so that these habits dont get worse. i know they make major messes with dinner, but for the past week, she has found it absolutely hillarious to blow raspberries while im feeding her dinner. needless to say, i wore chunks of mac n cheese tonight from shoulders to toes. i try not to laugh, but it is frustrating. she has recently discovered head butting. and if she does something she shouldnt, like, kick me in the face, or bite me, and i smack her hand and tell her NO, she looks at her hand, rubs it, and then smacks me back.  and the worst one of all, is the bedtime thing. i made the minor first time mom mistake of rocking and holding her and singing her to sleep, and thats still a definite in the bedtime routine. now, sometimes she will fall asleep on her own, but thats not very often, she usually sits there and fusses until i give. last doctors appointment, the doc said something about it, and when i mentioned that that was our routine, he went on about the disneyfication of my generation, about how the disney movies portrayed to young mothers my age that  that particular scenario i go through with her every night is like, "the way"  to put them to sleep or some crap, and that the particular cycle has to be broken. well, call me a sap, but i cant handle just sitting there and letting her scream and cry it out. it drives me batty. and i feel just horrible. is there any other simple way to break this cycle that doesnt require letting them lie there and cry and scream that will definitely work??? i dont know what to do. i have heard that you shouldnt really let them fall asleep while drinking a bottle, which she seems to find a grand way to start off a nap. she fights sleep a lot, i even recently got some baby magic calming chamomile and lavendar milk bath from playtex or something, and that is very nice, and i really do think it helps, but honestly, its just not quite enough. any tips?
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 1:32 AM
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by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 1:57 AM
i say continue rocking her to sleep if thats what you want to do..breaking it has to be gradual anyway...and letting her cry is not something horrible either...she is going to have to also learn how to soothe herself... also, out of sight, out of mind is helpful, if shes crying for a few, don't go check on her just because she's crying..seeing you may make it worse if this is something you are trying to teach, and break..that it is time for bed or nap, and baby doesnt always have to get her way....i got my son a special bedtime bear, and we started teaching him that bear was tired, and didn't want to sleep alone, so we started telling our son to help get bear to sleep...he would rub bears back and talk to him in baby language, but bear and boy didn't feel alone at bedtime, you could try something like that...trying something new, or even letting her cry for a few is not cruel of you

it actually bugs the heck out of me, everytime i am at my sisters, and her baby cries...immediately someone picks her is going to be two in about two months, and guess what..she just learned to walk, because no one said no, she is still on a bottle because thats what gabby wants, there is no routine, because gabby cries, and gets her way...also this behavior showed the older two of my sisters children to do the same when it comes to baby...rule number one in that house is Gabby is never to be left to cry for more then ten seconds....

so my gist here i guess, is break some of the habit, but not all..after all you are still bonding, and that quality time of rocking her to sleep...even if you just do it at bedtime, is good for you and her, and as for feeding times, and the raspberries.....she's a kid, she taught herself to make a noise, and making that noise with something in her mouth as well must be fascinating to her, that's not a big deal, it'll happen more and more, yes, teach no to the hitting and kicking or biting, but hitting her hands may not always teach her no..especially if she hits back after wards....shes just doing what she is shown, and may not understand that you mean no...even if she can repeat the word.....she may think this is a game....after all you said yourself...she's only nine months old...maybe try moving yourself out of reach for a few minutes, or if she hits, bites, kicks, try putting her in her crib or playpen, as you say no in a firm voice, and leave her there for a few..she may understand that better then you hitting her hands, and could break the habit of her hitting in the first place...

oh and doctors aren't always right, and i may not be all really has alot to do with the child too...not always the parent
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:05 AM

Well... it only makes sense you smack a baby their gonna smack you back. Try holding her hands down and seriously telling her no! if she thinks its funny just say no firmly and then distract her with someother activity like eating her food or something other than hitting mommy.

I tried the swatting thing... all i ever did was get swatted back! And my daughter is an angel.... a little "naughty" I guess. she is 2 and loves to run the opposite direction .... but she is very polite, please and thank you.... very kind and sweet, loves animals bugs and her stuffed kitty. and of course her family. So I'm thinking i didnt ruin her by not smacking her.
Also... 9 months is very young to be getting physical! (IMHO)   But when she acts up and even though its funny... be firm, say no, move on!!!!
you could play the "NO!" game all day... they love to watch us get mad... its funny! and that is OK! Thats how they are!! They dont fully understand...

So just be firm, say no, move on!!!! distract away from the bad behaviour and move on. If it doesnt make a big reaction it wont get repeated for long! And saying "no" a hundred times is definitely a "reaction"  so just move it along!

by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:07 AM
      I know alot about this subject, because, I am a mother of 4. I think he's only right about one thing . Eventually it does need to be broken, but it doesn't hurt her to be held and rocked to sleep. That is how I got my kids to sleep. Plus, it's also good to bond with your child that way.He's not the one who has to hear your baby cry and scream.when you want her to sleep. There are some other ways you can try to get her to sleep. TRY A FAVORITE TEDDY BEAR OR ONE OF THOSE TOYS THAT ARE SOFT THAT SHE CAN SLEEP WITH that plays music that will relax her. Something that will put her to sleep. My kids loved that! I hope this helps some.                                                                                               Good Luck!
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:12 AM
And about sleeping... I admit I spoiled my daughter with love and attention! I rocked her until she didnt need it anymore. At almost 3 she still likes it sometimes and it is just awonderful way for us to be close in the quiet and talk about our day. I dont rock her to sleep now, just to sleepiness and relaxation. I let her know I am going to put her down... Sometimes she's ready sometimes she asks for another minute... It doesnt hurt them for us to be extra sweet to them.      Just dont let her think its ok to treat you like a bib! or spit at you... And as soon as she can talk make sure she knows please and thank you... for some reason it helps my daughter act civilized... when she forgets and i remind her of her manners her whole demeanor changes like "oh yeah.... thats how I'm supposed to act " - she gets it!

Give her 1 or two chances (at 1 sitting)  then the next time she spits her food out its no more food! lunch is over! hopefully she wants the food and objects!  try again a little later (dont starve the kid, just make a point!) ( minutes ) and explain NO SPITTING!  
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:22 AM
My daughter used to be like that, i needed to rock and sing or hum her to sleep. There are these things that you hang on the side of the crib that play lullibies and have little fish or ducks or whatever that go around and they watch them and it makes them sleepy. i got her one of those and i'd give her a bath (i LOVED that lavendar calming bath) and held her until she was ALMOST asleep, on the verge of passing out and then layed her in her bed to listen to that. I hope that helps a little bit :)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Elinor Roosivelt
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:27 AM
First of all the doctor don't have to sit and listen to them screem so forget them. All my kids always needed me when they went to bed and then they finally grew out of it on their own. The only one that didn't let me hold her when she went to bed was my five year old now she was a premie and she was in an incubater for the first five weeks of her life and then when i brought her home she had to sleep in her bed she wouln't let me hold her that broke my heart. Now the bottle thing just put water in it cause it will ruin their teeth i let mine have a sippy cup (the nuby one) bad idea she had to have her top four teeth pulled at two years old and i feel so bad. So i would either loose the bottle or just put water in it.

    Hope this helps you. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 11:07 AM
i refused to let my child act up from the beginning. she's seven months and is spitting her food. I tell her NO!! then take her food away. She'll live without bananas until dinner. She usualy learns. She also hits our face (she doesnt mean to, shes not great with her hands yet) and we take her hand and smack it and say NO.She usualy stops but does it later. Its hard to discipline a baby, but you have to do it. As far as the bedtime, I rocked her for all of a month, realized I couldn't do it anymore, and just gave her a bottle and put her to bed. Now I'm breaking her of going to bed with the bottle, so she's crying it out. She only cries a few minutes (at first she cried for over an hour) and she'll sleep for a long time. It is hard, but thats what you have to do or you'll be rocking her when shes 20. good luck.
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 11:18 AM
Hi, ok well my son is 20 months old. I went through the same thing. Sleepless nights and nobody else wants to help. I am a single mom, and i had no one. Anyways, my son loved the swing, and i like the ones that plug into the wall because it wont die int he middle of the night. My son likes the sound machine, and his pacifier. Granted its really not the best way to get them to sleep using it but i did everyting i could to actually sleep longer than 1 hour. Well i hope that helps. Let me know.
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 11:26 AM
My son is 14 months old.  Our nighttime routine is basically the same now as it was then and is as follows:

I arrive home at 6pm
6pm - Dinner
6:30pm - Done with dinner, playtime
7:00pm - Bathtime
7:20pm - Put on jammies, read stories
7:30pm - 7:45pm Go to bed

Consistency is very important.  Routine is very important.  Things that helped the actually "falling asleep" process are that my son falls asleep with a pacifier.  He has a special "blankie" that he sleeps with every night.  On the occasion where he has cried when we left the room (and I am talking fussy crying, not screaming bloody murder crying) I employed the 5 minute rule and 99% percent of the time he stopped crying in 5 minutes and was pretty well out for the night.

It's important to give your child the tools he/she needs to help themselves fall asleep -- that being routine, a special stuffed toy/blanket, or a pacifier, whatever works for your child. 

You may want to pick up a book on self-soothing methods and creating good sleepers.  I believe Dr. Sears has a book on sleeping issues.  Might be worth checking it out from the local library.
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 11:34 AM
Okay... this is my opinion and experience.

Blowing raspberries during meals isn't unusual at her age.  My daughter did the same thing.  At first it was funny but being as how I'm a freak with messiness- it got old real quick.  I would tell my little one no and if she continued it, I would refrain from giving her food at that point.  When she stopped blowing, I gave her food.  If she did it again, I would sit there and wait until she was done again before giving her more food.  It takes more time but she gets the point.  Remember not to laugh when she does this.  The more you laugh, the more she thinks it's funny and the more she'll do it.  My daughter dropped the habit within less than a month.

Hitting  you back... my daughter too has learned that.  She doesn't do it all the time but now she'll smack her own hand after we slap it.  Again, don't laugh.  Tell her no.  I ignore mine when she does this.  I ignore her if she hits me and I ignore her if she hits herself.  She's slowly getting the idea.

As for your bedtime routine.  I would continue it but set a time limit to it.  Whatever time you feel suitable.  Say like ten minutes.  For ten minutes, you two rock and sing and then you put her to bed.  This way, you don't lose your bedtime routine with her but she still learns to sleep on her own.

Doctors aren't always right.  (Boy, have I learned that since having my daughter.)  But there is always a way to compromise even a little bit.
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