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Need help....

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:59 PM
  • 3 Replies
OK ladies here is the thing. I am very shy and to myself mainly because my whole life I was told how horrible I was and that I deserved nothing and was not good enough. Things like that. So I am very insecure and always hard on myself. I need help in changing that because if not I am going to lose the man I love. I need to find who I really am and found out how to be the outgoing fun loving person I know I am. I know this because I am like that with my friends that are close. It is hard for me to be that way around people I do not know. I am shy, quite and am told I come off as being a bitch and that I think I am better than them. But that is so not true. I am worried that they wont like me and that I am not good enough. I hate this about myself but can not figure out how to change it. I mean how do you change something that you have been told your whole life?
To all and
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 2:59 PM
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BizNurse
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:08 PM
The first step towards the change is doing exactly what you did... saying you truly want it to change.

Since this is a long standing problem, I'd suggest counceling to help. If that's not an option, many churches have free self esteem groups...

I'd also recommend you  go to a library and check out some personal development and self esteem books to read, and AVOID everyone that reinforces the "you the WORTHLESS image"!   

I'm proud of you for taking this step, and I can PROMISE you it will in a BIG way change your life!!


Linda/CMAS, BS, RN aka "BizNurse" aka SAH "MOM"


amgoutremout
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 3:09 PM
I am sorry that you are going through this.  You know people in today's world are so damn judgemental.  I am a SAHM now but when I was younger and first starting out, I worked a lot of cusotmer service jobs. Those kind that put you through those training environments before letting you help customers.  Every single class I was ever in was asked at the end of class to say what thier first impression of the classmates were.  Well, undoubtedly I always got, we thought you were stuck up or bitchy. Every single time, and it was only because I was shy. They realized that isn't who I was or am and things were better. If people are going to judge you right off the bat because you are quiet or shy, they aren't people that you need in your life.   I am very self concious also, and when I catch strangers looking at me, I just assume they are thinking the worst because that is how I view myself.  But, in talking with my husband and learning to let certain things go I am slowly moving past it.  You can too. You really have to dig to root of your problem and find out what started this for you, who where the people telling you such horrible things? Are they still around? Why did they say that to you? And are they really worth you continually remembering what they said to you as a kid?  People who continually try to bring you down are not happy with themselves so they project unhappiness and disappointment onto others.  Just take time, enlist the help of the man you love and I bet it gets better. I mean there are therapists or counselors you can talk to as well.   Just don't hold it in. Get it out there, it makes you feel so much better.  Sorry for the long rant. I was once where you are so bad and I am a lot better off now. If you need an ear, I am here. Sometimes it is easier to vent to a stranger than it is to someone close to you. Good Luck!!
nikki7376
by on Jun. 20, 2007 at 4:12 PM

I know excatly what you r going through,i was a REAL shy kid ,my family life ,well i just had alot of problems and i didnt really know who i was or where i belonged.I had a hard time fitting in and was always real quiet out of fear that if i talked i might sound stupid or if people got to know me they might not like me,i always envied those super outgoing people i just wished i could be the star for a change ,i didnt even learn to drive till i was 26 just cause i lacked the confidence in my self ,but i have made a huge change i still am pretty quiet but i realize i need to speak up and everyone says stupid things once in a while and my husband he's amazing and has a way with words ,he can charm anyone but his heart belongs to me and our four girls ,he saw the beauty in me that i didnt see ,and in the end it  was my choice to change but he sure helped me along ,i finally feel that i belong and i know who i am ,and i'm a mother ,i never want my girls to be afraid to stand up for themsevels or to miss out for fear of failing ,so i know i gotta be a better woman for them and my reward for this is seeing the amazing women they are growing to be ,my oldest is the most funny and outgoing girl,and my middle child ,shes 8 going on 30 she is witty and intelligent she amazes me everyday,my 2nd youngest shes a lil ball of energy she lights up a room w/ her charm ,just like daady she also is a lil dare devil, my baby girl well her life has only just begun and i cant wait to see what the furture holds,but i know i had to make peace with myself and love who i am ,my husband brings out the beauty in me ,i thought i didnt have but it was there all along hiding away ,so sorry so long your post just struck a soft spot w/ me .just find a way to let yourself shine through ,dont change yourself just let whats already there show dont hide it away.I wish you the best ,feel free to chat with me anytime i would like to talk w/ you again

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