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Please Help

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 8:10 PM
  • 5 Replies
I live in Connecticut and worked for the Department of Children and Families (AKA Child Protective Services) for just about five years. I recently moved on and accepted a new position with a different company. Anyway, I'll get to the point......

My ex-boyfriend and the father of my youngest child, Dylan, just iced the cake as far as wanting me but not being able to have me. He always told me that if he couldn't have me than no one could, that our son would not grow up in  a "conventional family", and that he would ruin my life if I chose not to be with him. Our "history" is long and includes Protective Orders and Restraining Orders, among other things.

His "MO" is that if things are too quite, happy, and peaceful in my life, he will be sure to stir it up. Usually, its just harrassment via text messaging and phone calls, but now it has gone way, way too far.

My kids are at the beach with Nana and Papa for the weekend. I sit here on Friday night and get a knock on my door. Who is it.... DCF, CPS Ageny for those of you who don't reside in Connecticut! The allegations were that there were 2 marks on Dylan, my 2 year old that looked like pinch marks and that I had/have substance abuse problems. I wanted to go into orbit, but stayed calm! The allegations only pertained to Dylan, age 2 and not my other son Matthew, age 7! I told her that I have NEVER used physical discipline with either one of my children. The "marks" that are being referenced are in fact bug bites that he scratched and actually are scabbed. In reference to the "substance abuse" I told the worker that I would do a drug test any day of the week!

So my question, finally, is what do I do? How do I get him to leave me alone and among others, stop making false allegations against me? I am a good mother that would Never do anything but love my children!
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Chile
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 8:22 PM
wow, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you made a complaint against him for false accusations? I think if you do that you can get the ball rolling on getting them to realize he is just out to make you miserable and there is no truth to his ranting. That is all I really know, my friend before we moved went through this, she saved everything he wrote, recorded all phone calls and threats and used them against him as a chief complaint for him falsly accusing her of child neglect. They were in the midst of a bad seperation and I was her neighbor if the baby wasn't with her she was with me, OR i was with them both, she was so miserable.  But I was with her when she filed, that is all I know what to do, unless maybe you go to the police station and tell them the situation and they can give you another way to help, or someone to call if they don't know. Just save all the texts and phone calls, if you cannot record them write them down, time and date. Hope I helped and I sure hope everything works out for you.
niece405
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 10:21 PM
The best thing to do is keep a journal of the dates, times and how he contacted you and what he said. This is the only way to get proof of what he is doing. When you get a few weeks worth or sooner if it gets really bad take it to the police or to a laywer. only then will something be done. sorry you have had to deal with this.
nana
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 10:36 PM
                         like all the other ladies advised, get a lawyer, and have everything recorded. have you thought about self defense classes?  just a suggestion, but it might help you out just in case. it sounds like he is at the end of his rope. also, i hope that your family knows whats going on. everytime he comes over to harass you, call the cops. if you bother them enough, they will start to take you seriously.
teanahbean
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Document EVERYTHING! Every phone call, message, visit, etc. with dates and times. It will help if you have a witness i.e. show others the texts & let them listen to phone messages & save them if you can. As far as the allegations he's made against you, it they have no merit then you have nothing to worry about (except the frustration he's causing you) and you should bring charges against him for filing a false report. Do you still have friends at DCF? If so, enlist their assistance and use them as character witnesses. In addition to the self defense classes, I'd suggest to get a big, scary, protective dog. Bullmastiffs are great family dogs, love children, are lazy & don't require a lot of exercise, but they are fiercely protective and will defend their family at all costs.

Good luck!
HouseofK
by on Jun. 23, 2007 at 10:47 PM

Quoting nana:

                         like all the other ladies advised, get a lawyer, and have everything recorded. have you thought about self defense classes?  just a suggestion, but it might help you out just in case. it sounds like he is at the end of his rope. also, i hope that your family knows whats going on. everytime he comes over to harass you, call the cops. if you bother them enough, they will start to take you seriously.

Id be getting another Restraining order and if he violated it then I guess his ass would be getting locked up and also since he keeps making false statements about you, save everything he sends you and if he sees the kids get a lawyer and have supervised visitation! If you have not already take him for support! Make his life hell but do it legaly! This guy sounds phsyco, I been there and its scarey to know what they are capable of doing! Be safe and get a lawyer ASAP!!!
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